December 16, 2011

sometimes life is full of hurt

It  hurts when friends abandon you especially when you don't understand their reasoning. Being a distant friend is not okay with me. Being a "I'm here if you need me but basically we're not going to hang out or talk" is not a friend in my eyes. I would never come to you if I had a problem. Being a distant friend is not a friend.
I feel bitter, hurt, angry, and confused. I feel like family are the only people I can trust and count on. I feel like God is teaching me some cruel lesson that I will never understand. I don't even know what to think.

In other news, Pat will be home very soon. I'm excited. Everything will be fine when he's here. He knows how to make everything better.

His parents will be here 3 days after he gets home though. That is the least bit exciting. And they're staying longer than expected. Which is not okay, but I can't do anything about it. I'll be working a lot though. But I'm losing a lot of time with Pat. Ugh.

I made a tumblr, check it out please: TUMBLR

I'm definitely in one of those "Fuck It" moods.

October 10, 2011


It's been pretty long since my last post. I hut the internet and dvr/cable off to save some money. I rarely watch tv since Pat's left. I was watching a lot of Netflix but when I shut the internet off, I put out Netflix and Xbox live on hold. I work a lot anyway so there's not much time for siting down.

Deployments going by fast! Were almost done. Pat was awarded the NAM, Navy and Marine Corps Achievement Medal, for everything he's doing over there. I'm so proud of him! He says he's ready to come home. He's was moved to HQ and is the police sgt. He says he loves it but is always busy. We get interrupted all the time be cause he has to go fix something or check something in. He doesn't get much sleep and can be woken up on his off time to take care of something. But he likes it. I know he can't wait to get home and have a real night's sleep. Next to me of course :)

I move in a month on base! I have the address, but can't go in the house yet. We drive by it often. I'm so excited! I can not wait to get it all ready for Pat. It's going to be so great, I low our apartment but I'm so trednof apartment living and well save money this way. We wod save more if we bought a house or townhouse, but if we deecided to buy, it's permanent in my eyes and I'm not settling for less than what I want in a house. Plus a townhouse is nearly the same as apartment living. No garages most of the time and tons of neighbors in a tighter area. At lease on base it's normal neighborhoods just allege houses are condo types. Which I house-sat for Rachel and didn't once in 5 days hear her neighbors. Plus I'll be literally 20 seconds from her. Our house is an end one and were right on the corner of a street that is less than a minute from the gate. We have a big side yard and back yard. Our driveways a little steep which I don't like but I'll get over it. Pat wanted to be on a court but I'm okay with not. There's extra parking near us.

It all happening so fast. Mom will be here soon and I already set tmo and the move. They'll do everything we'll just have to oversee the packers.

Well I'm typing this on my phone and it's annoying. I'll post another time. :)


August 9, 2011

Impacts of life decisions

The day I married my soul mate, everything changed. Everything set in and seemed 'right'. I wasn't nervous, I didn't have any second thoughts, I wasn't like "What am I getting myself into". From then on, I saw God's path. Up until then, I couldn't see. I struggled to understand where my life was going, I thought there was no path. But now I see it. And I feel like this is exactly what He had planned. I was getting lost before and needed to fight to get to this point. I feel at ease with myself and my life. I wouldn't change it or trade it for anything.

With that being said, my sister has made a decision that I can not understand. 

She claims J is her soul mate. They've been together I think longer than three years now. They were getting married this year, in October. This coming weekend is the date for their Bridal Shower. Around two weeks ago, out of the blue, we found out that A decided to call the wedding off! ! ! ! ! Literally a week before I found this out, she was telling me how she couldn't wait until I saw the wedding topper, and her and Mom were getting other wedding stuff together. The severity and quickness of this whole fiasco, is really throwing me off. And also my Mother. And My YiaYia. And I'm not sure how my Dad feels. You have no idea how completely out of left field this is. I was very upset when my Mom told me. Pat is extremely upset and mind-blown, also. I called A and talked to her. It's not effective over the phone. She didn't explain too much. Just kept saying J was also having feelings like he wasn't ready. Do I believe that? Slightly, but I think he just doesn't want to show how he really feels. Supposedly, my sister has met someone. I explained, from personal experience, how what she may be feeling because of meeting this person, is not real. Of course she has to realize this on her own. But I know what she's going through. And she needs to take a step back and re-evaluate her situation and feelings. It's a smoke-screen effect and it's misleading. She could ruin something really good by giving in. I think she's realized that, now. She apparently "needs to find herself", she's "lost herself in all this". Really? I don't think so. I'm not sure what's going on in her head, but mentally she's screwing with J and it's the last thing he needs. I don't even know. There are so many thoughts running through my head. I could kick her butt for doing this two weeks before the Bridal Shower. How do you just realize out of no where, you've fallen out of love with someone you loved a week before?!?!

Regardless of the outcome of this situation, as the BIG SISTER, I can not sit back and not have an opinion. Although I keep it to myself, I would hate to see her decisions take her down the wrong path in life. I'm going to sit back and let her learn on her own, though. No one was there to help me make the right decisions and I've learned a lot. I also keep this in mind with everything I decide now. Will she? Time will tell, I suppose.

In another sense, this distracts me from deployment. It's doesn't need to distract Pat and I know he cares. It makes me nervous. It's like he focuses on everything else, but Afghanistan. He's worried about this, he was worried about missing the wedding. He's worried about getting a house on base, when I've repeatedly told him I'm handling it. He worries about me and our finances. He worries about Norm. He needs to realize, the more important thing he needs to worry about is coming home safe and sound and not in a box. I can handle everything here. Everything will be okay. He can't save everything. I can take some of the burden and put it on myself.

♥ 1/9

August 8, 2011

Life While My Husband Is Deployed.

The 'D' word. For most of us in the military, we know there is a very good chance of hearing the inevitable 'D' word. For my husband and I, we knew before he went to boot camp. He signed for infantry and had friends already in, who gave him an idea of when to expect to be activated. And they were right. He hadn't even been in the Marine Corps a full year when his unit deployed. We've handled it well, after all, we knew what we were getting into.
He had gotten laid off from his job and there wasn't much out there for him. He had told me before he got laid off, while out of town, that he was thinking about talking to the recruiter when he got home. I think at first I may have been intrigued. I don't really remember how I reacted. Maybe I didn't realize it would actually happen. After that. God's destiny, had taken its course. We must have had an argument because the whole decision of him joining comes down to one statement. One statement that may be the death of me. I slightly remember saying it but I don't remember the argument. I told him he had to join for us. For me to stay with him. When I think back, I think he totally took it a different way then I meant it, but we don't talk about it much so I never ask him what actually was said that day. Granted, I probably did say he had to show me by doing this. What else was he going to do with his life? He was laid off with no job and no schooling. No money saved up. Nothing. What was I going to do? I couldn't support us. I didn't have any schooling at the time. We had decided not to re-lease on the house we were in and moved back to our parents'. There was another problem that was resolved that I won't make public, but he still needed to show me that things had changed and he was going to figure his life out.
After the first visit to the recruiter's office everything started to roll. And I realized I hated the Marine Corps. I didn't care what he needed to do to get ready for boot camp. I fought him on it. I had become a hypocrite and went back on my word. The next year was even worse. Things had started to strain our relationship and we were being pulled all different ways. It was honestly the worst year of my life. I regret everything. I wish I could erase it from my memory. The feeling I had that year creeps up on me now and then, reminding me. I can't get it out of my head. I hold things against him and he holds things against me. Nothing horribly bad happened but it was a year full of experiences I wish never happened. It's changed everything. All I can think about now, is wanting to go back to 2004 and how it used to be and starting over from there. Obviously things are okay, we're married and still love each other. But I can't stop holding on to what transpired that horrible year before he left for boot camp.
Boot camp scared the death out of me. Worse than deployment, Don't believe me if you want, but I'm telling you the truth. I was so nervous after that year, that when he went to boot camp he'd graduate and not want to be with me. After 6 years, he'd end up leaving me. They always say boot camp changes most guys for the good, so at first I was excited. There were things I didn't like about him and I thought they'd get straighted out but then I realized what if he changed for the worse? What if he thought he could do better or wanted to have his fun and freedom. What if he didn't want to get married. Boot camp was really hard, I cried every night and every day. I felt so lost without him. He wrote me the most loving letters ever, saying things I never expected him to say and I still couldn't help but think it wasn't true. I thought when he saw me on graduation day, he'd decide right then that it was over. Those three months, the feeling I had comes in second to the feeling I had the year before boot camp.
After boot camp, I think it was harder for him to readjust in the ten day leave than it was for me. Either way it was an amazing time. We got married in an 'unofficial' ceremony that ended up being perfect and beautiful. We decided to plan a formal wedding for after deployment, which has yet to be planned. (It's hard to plan things around the MC agenda). He left after his leave for SOI and two months later we were reunited again. Quickly we found a place to live and I came down to stay, I think around the end of November we were finally approved leave to come back home and move everything. It was an adventure. Everything was done so fast though, we didn't get to relax much. After that, he started to settle into his unit and find out what it's like to be a boot in the fleet. And being a 25 year old boot, at that. It was rough for him, he was treated like any other boot PFC just because of his rank even though he wasn't immature or stupid like most of the 18, 19 year old's he was surrounded by. But that's just how MC Infantry is, right?
Things didn't slow down once we got used to living in NC. My mother came to visit, for maybe a while too long. My car had a huge break down that sent me spiraling into financial hell. I needed to find a job since I was starting to run out of money. Pat had a few field ops. Maybe a week at the longest. Then Fort Pickett/AP Hill training came. I believe Pickett was about three weeks. I spent most of that time in Ohio, sick. I had driven home with mom and then we drove back when Pat was about to come home. Mom didn't stay that time, although I knew she would have loved to. After Pickett was California for Enhanced Mojave Viper training. They had gotten word while in Pickett that their deployment was moved up. EMV was longer than 30 days and at the time we weren't sure if he would get pre-deployment leave when he got home. They ended up coming home and we were on pre-dep leave within a week. It was short, too short. I feel like we didn't get to spend any time together by ourselves. I envy couples that get full pre-dep leave. My word of advise, don't waste it and cherish it.
'D-Day' came for us and it was one of the roughest days I have ever experienced. When he had left for Pickett and EMV, I was the one to 'leave'. I dropped him off and he had to watch the car leave. This time I had to watch the buses leave. It felt like they were driving 2 mph away. It was ripping my my heart out the further and further they went. I remember standing there saying over and over, 'please don't go, please don't go'. I left crying my eyes out with Norm in my arms. Luckily, I had a really good friend with me who followed me until she got to her street. I wasn't sure I'd make it home without wrecking. I couldn't stop crying and thinking it was the end of the world. I wondered when I would hear from him next.
So far some days seem to drag but the weeks have been going by pretty fast. I think we've been pretty lucky. With technology on our side, we get to talk on Facebook chat somewhat regularly. I'm not sure the reasoning but I don't get phone calls. One of the Sgt's wife gets many. More than I would have ever expected. But I only got one since he had left, only because he was at another patrol base. It's okay though, there's something that keeps the fire going when you have to wait to hear his voice. We don't use Skype either. I wouldn't mind, but I know Pat doesn't know how and I'm not sure if the computer he uses has a cam. I really want him to write me snail mail, like the letters he wrote me while in boot camp. I sent him paper and envelopes but he says he'll email me. I haven't gotten an email yet. I know we have actual conversations but I feel like he doesn't say what's on his mind or we end up talking about other things. I think it would be good for him to actually just write me, whether its email or snail mail. It would give him a chance to organize his thoughts and maybe say something he wouldn't in a chat. I was surprised, we've been talking a lot but he's jeopardizing valuable sleep time to talk to me. He can chose what to do in the hours between 'shifts' or what ever you want to call their work hours. Its not many hours by any means but enough to some-what relax or get on the internet, from what I understand. Sometimes communications are shut down though, for what ever reasons, like recently. Other times things break, they lose power or they are in the process of moving.
I try to think about Pat's day and what it's like, of course I don't have much to go on. He won't and can't say much of anything. Its hard for me to accept. I want to know everything. It's a story for me, an adventure. I'm proud and curious, maybe jealous in a way?. By the time he gets home, I'm afraid he'll forget every little detail. It's just like boot camp, I wanted to know everything, I was dying to hear all the stories and when he got home of course, that's not what he wanted to talk about. I wanted to experience it through him. Maybe there are suppressed emotions I have and that's why I want to know so bad. That's another story though, on a whole different level.
So now here we are, surviving through deployment number one. I find time going pretty fast. Work helps a lot, even though I would rather not be working. I think it helps that I'm slightly an introvert. And I like my alone time. I would give anything to spend every waking minute with Pat, but I am okay to be by myself when he's not around. I have an amazing group of friends here and they keep me busy. I honestly don't know if I could survive without them. They make me laugh and listen when I need to talk. They make this deployment even easier.
Lucky for Pat and I, we keep the communication open. I've been given some explanations from him that put a lot of things in perspective. I will expand on this in future posts. Let's just say I feel better and understand more, now. I love him with all I have and he knows.

This life may be hard and tough at times, but it is perfect for us ♥ I appreciate everything he is doing everyday for me. And I will wait faithfully for him to return home to me. I love you PSC[090210]

August 5, 2011

Rules of Military Combat

  1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
  2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
  3. Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.
  4. The easy way is always mined.
  5. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
  6. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
  7. The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:
    1. When you're ready for them.
    2. When you're not ready for them.
  8. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
  9. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
  10. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
  11. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.
  12. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
  13. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
  14. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
  15. When in doubt empty the magazine.
  16. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.
  17. Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing.
  18. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
  19. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
  20. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
  21. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
  22. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
  23. Five second fuses only last three seconds.
  24. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed

marine corps field artillery at its best

July 17, 2011

Meet Norm, also known as, Normous Orrilious Maximous, Norman, Nerm, Nermy, Pucky, Pookie, Puppa, Prince, Bubby, BeeBee, Putz, Spud, Puhd, and many other nicknames.
Breed: Rat Terrier
Color: White with brown tail and head
Weight: 6 pounds
Born: February 26, 2011
Loves: Daddy's sock, his water bottle animal, cheese, warm towels
Hates: The vacuum, car rides, the Vet, when Mommy leaves
Favorite Pass time: Watching TV, chewing cords
Enjoys: not listening to Mom, running around like a crazy nut

July 8, 2011

Little Miss Oohrah

Little Miss Oohrah

Please check out Little Miss Oohrah on Cafepress for updated Marine Corps Moto apparel and gifts!

July 7, 2011

When God Created The Military Wife

The Good Lord was creating a model for military wives and was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. She said, "Lord, you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one. What’s wrong with the standard model?"

The Lord replied, "Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, possess the qualities of both father and mother, be a perfect hostess to 4 or 40 with an hour’s notice, run on black coffee, handle every emergency imaginable without a manual, be able to carry on cheerfully, even if she is pregnant and has the flu, and she must be willing to move to a new location 10 times in 17 years. And oh yes, she must have six pairs of hands." The angel shook her head, "Six pair of hands? No way!"

The Lord continued, "Don’t worry, we will make other military wives to help her. And we will give her an unusually strong heart so it can swell with pride in her husband’s achievements, sustain the pain of separations, beat soundly when it is overworked and tired, and be large enough to say "I understand" when she doesn’t and say, ‘I love you’ regardless".

"Lord," said the angel, touching his arm gently "Go to bed and get some rest. You can finish this tomorrow". "I can’t stop now", said the Lord "I am so close to creating something unique. Already this model heals herself when she is sick, can put up six unexpected guests for the weekend, wave goodbye to her husband from a depot, pier or runway and understand why it’s important that he leave."

The angel circled the model of the military wife, looked at it closely and sighed, "It looks fine, but it’s too soft". "She might look soft", replied the Lord, "but she has the strength of a lion. You would not believe what she can endure."

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Lord’s creation. "There’s a leak", she announced. "Something is wrong with the construction. You are trying to put too much into this model."

The Lord appeared offended at the angel’s lack of confidence. "What you see is not a leak", he said, "It’s a tear." "A tear? What is it there for?", asked the angel. The Lord replied, "It’s for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride and a dedication to all the values that she and her husband hold dear." "You are a genius!" exclaimed the angel.

The Lord looked puzzled and replied, "I didn’t put it there".


This brought a tear to my eye and I had to share. It's so true. I'm so thankful to have my fellow Marine Wives that I have met so far. I guess only a military wife would truly understand this. Love you ladies ♥

July 6, 2011

Baby Fever

It comes and it goes, but tonight it's bad. I want to start a family. But then again, I think maybe I don't. It is so frustrating. I don't know what the 'right' choice is, is there a 'right' choice? Does Pat ever want kids? I'm beginning to think he doesn't and maybe that's why it bothers me so much. What if he never wants to? Can I live without never having a family? That's how I feel. We're not a family if we don't have a child. And then if he just gives in, will it still turn out to be the perfect life I've always dreamt of? I don't know what the next step actually is, but I feel like something iscoming or something needs to be done. I'm anticipating something but I don't know what it is. I hate this feeling. And I feel like Pat's holding something back but I don't know what it is, if anything. I wish I could read his mind. Seriously.

Saving Abel Miss America

So thankful for Facebook Chat

Got to talk to Pat, I was starting to think I would be going, almost another week of not talking. I think the longest I have gone is about 5 days. (Not talking with him on at least, the Internet, I had gone almost a month I think, of not hearing his voice.) But we got to chat last night. He saw my status about being upset but naturally just asked what's wrong and for me to explain. He didn't say what I wanted to hear. He just kind of defended himself, not in an arguing way but, I don't know. He doesn't get it. The rest of our convo started to lighten up after that and we joked. I laughed a lot but still, he ignored a few things I said and is just acting so much like a "guy" I guess, I can't explain it. I guess you could say being around the guys this long is bringing the doucheness out... but I doubt he's socializing most of the time. He likes to keep to himself and frankly, he just doesn't like most of the guys. At least that's what he's said. I hope this phase passes, fast. Sometimes I wonder if I should try not talking to him and actually going a week or two without communication. I know that's wrong and I can't make myself do it, every time I get to talk to him whether we argue or not is cherished. We've been very lucky thus far and honestly I would hate to have had to go through deployments years ago when you had to rely on snail mail and few phone calls. I think it just bugs me that, of course, his way of dealing with all this is being a jerk, almost and being insensitive. Its hard watching other guys, who aren't married, send flowers(over the Internet) back home to their girlfriends. Pat can't say one nice thing besides I love you and I miss you. Of course when he first left, it wasn't like that. But it happened quicker than I thought it would and I feel like it's my fault because of some of the issues we've been arguing about. I shouldn't be complaining, I know he loves me and can't live without me, the same for me, but sometimes I do want more. It's like I want him to show or tell the whole world how much I mean to him. And he doesn't do that anymore.

I love you Patrick. Please be safe<3

June 30, 2011

Just One Kiss...

What I wouldn't do for just one kiss this morning. I had a feeling I wouldn't get to talk to Pat, but still I had that anxious feeling. I knew I had to be up early though, so I was sort of thankful. It saved me from being snappy or bitchy with him. I hate the Afghan 'state-of-mind'. I liked the EMV 'state-of -mind' much better. When he was training in California, he was sweet and loving. Afghan has made him almost cynical, sarcastic, and something else. I haven't put my finger on it yet. I wonder how he's really feeling, sleeping, and what he's really thinking about. I hope things start looking up for him and he just makes the best of it. I know that is hard, but there's no reason he couldn't try.

Please check out the links below the header :) I just found out about these. They're pages, set up like posts. They remind me of the documents on Facebook groups. I can add to them all the time and it's one continuous post. I think it would be cool if  every time I 'edited' the page (added something to the post) it would record a (1) or something next to the link so you would know it was updated. I may have to suggest that to the Blogger people :) Anyway, I'm just trying to help fellow Marine sisters out and give them some help by sharing my experience and what I have learned so far. So please, check them out! (I may or may not change the Care Package Tips page... Haven't decided yet!)

Any suggestions are welcome!

June 29, 2011

Homemaker; Marine Wife Style!

I need to get an apron to wear when I cook to make it official but I may just be the next Betty Crocker! I've made some amazing dishes since Pat has been gone. He should give me a chance and let me cook. We always eat out or order out, which is fine sometimes, but seriously, I would love to have dinner waiting for him on the table when he gets home from work. He thinks I'm going to poison him though. Have some faith babe. He knows I can cook. Just every once in a while, of course, a dish doesn't turn out well. I'm not going to lie, I'm not perfect. 

Deployment Dishes:
Chicken Enchiladas - First I followed the box directions, and fell in love. The next two times, I tweaked the recipes. I didn't have enchilada sauce so I used hot salsa, different cheese and spices, and I made it work with fajita wraps(which were smaller). If Pat was home, we would probably only have enough for dinner but I was able to get dinner that night, and lunch and dinner the next day! I want to try a different recipe next time. I can't wait!

Creamy Chicken and Salad - I just made this today and really it's simple. Besides preparing the lettuce and vegetables that I choose (today all I had was onion and green peppers), I make my own hard boiled eggs with a simple recipe and experimented with a different way to make the chicken. And the two ingredients that make the salad amazing, cranberries(dried) and glazed walnuts. I didn't want plain chicken so I experimented with Cream of Chicken soup, since for some reason I have a bunch of cans. I didn't think I needed to let the chicken marinate in the CoC since it's thick, I didn't think it would penetrate through the chicken. So I through the chicken on the stove and added a mixture of seasonings. This consisted of probably 8 spices. I like spices and am not afraid to combine them. I was nervous that the chicken after being cooled, would still be too creamy/wet but when I combined all the ingredients with the lettuce, it turned out perfect! I did run into a problem, my refrigerator froze my lettuce and spinach. I was upset but able to save most of the lettuce and a decent portion of spinach. Stupid fridge. I wasn't sure which dressing I should try with it. I tend to stay with creamy dressing like ranch or honey mustard. But with the chicken being creamy, I thought that may be too much. There was red raspberry vinaigrette in the refrigerator, but I opted for ranch. IT WAS AMAZING. The cranberries and walnuts are my favorite addition to salads. YUM.

Slow-cooked Pork Chops - This was a recipe I found while Pat was in Cali, training. I wanted to make it for him when he got home but he insisted on eating whatever he wanted and where ever he wanted before he deployed. I made it shortly after he left and it was amazing. Some of the reviews said that the particular blends of spices were odd with the choice of pork, but that it was still a great dish. I'm unbiased when it comes to spices and foods combined. I don't think only certain spices should be used with certain meats, pastas, veggies, etc. So I slow cooked the pork, chicken broth, and spices all day. It smelled amazing and when it was done, the pork just fell apart very nicely. I think I made noodles that night to accompany it. I noticed there was a large amount of broth left and it wasn't thick so I decided next time I will add potatoes, carrots, and onions like you would with a roast. I think those additions will accompany the pork better than the noodles. I really wish Pat would have let me make it for him. I don't care if he says he doesn't like pork, it's because, I think, the way his mother makes it and the type she uses.

Besides main dishes, I make some mean glazed carrots. I haven't made them in a while and although they are amazing, I haven't perfected them. I also need to work on my brownies. I don't know if it's the different type of boxed brownies I choose, but none are as good as I remember them being when I was a kid and mom was making them. If something doesn't change, I may start looking for a homemade recipe instead. I made sugar cookies the one night and even though the recipe is so simple, they were the most amazing cookies ever. Moist for days after! I did take them out early because my oven tends to over cook, but I'm not sure if it was that, or because I may have used tub butter instead of stick margarine... or maybe even the container I stored them in. I'm not sure but the were amazing.

I really want to make my Three Berry Pie, but I don't feel like buying the berries. They're slightly expensive and I don't feel like using the money on something I'm probably going to  be the only one eating. It is an amazing pie though. I use raspberries, black berries, and strawberries. I think it's the black berries that make it, but that's just me!

This evening I'm going to try this really simple cinnamon toast rolls/folds. It's 3 ingredients and oven time. And there's even a simple way to make icing! I can't wait, it just sounds fun. The only problem is, I just bought bread and I don't really want to use it all on these but I just might ;)

<3Semper Cookin'!

P.S. Lipton Pomegranate Blueberry Iced Tea = Amazing.

Samuel L. Jackson Reads "Go the F*** to Sleep"

June 28, 2011

She wore a yellow ribbon...

Around her hair she wore a yellow ribbon
She wore it in the springtime
In the merry month of May
And if you ask her why the heck she wore it
She wore it for her soldier who was far far away
Far away, far away
She wore it for her soldier
Who was far, far away
Around the block she pushed a baby carriage
She pushed it in the springtime
In the Merry month of May
And if you ask her why the heck she pushed it
She pushed it for her soldier who was far far away
Far away, far away
She pushed it for her soldier
Who was far, far away
Behind the door her daddy kept a shotgun
He kept it in the springtime
In the merry month of May
And if you ask him why the heck he kept it
He kept it for her soldier who was far far away
Far away, far away
He kept it for her soldier
Who was far, far away
On the grave she laid the pretty flowers
She laid them in the springtime
In the merry month of May
And if you asked her why the heck she laid them
She laid them for her soldier who was far far away
Far away, far away
She laid them for her soldier
Who was far, far away

<3 I love my Marine.

June 27, 2011

Loving My Hero

<3 I finally got a phone call :) It felt like it had been forever that I heard his voice. Felt much better and happy after I got off the phone with him. Of course it didn't last long, I realized how long we still have to go. But so far, most days are going pretty fast. I just keep thinking of other things, like my sister's wedding, or when one of my boot camp sisters moves here, or when it SNOWS, when those events get here, then I'm that much closer. I have a system :]

Fave songs of the moment:
Carrie Underwood - All American Girl
Lady Antebellum - Just a kiss
Saving Abel - Miss America
Nicki Minaj - Did It On Them


June 22, 2011

I'll Love You Longer Than Forever♥

[ With your love I'm never alone ]

I got to talk to Pat, it had been a few days. I was happy :) He was fixing another companies generators and stuff, being Mr. Fixit. I hope the rest of the months go by as fast as this past one. I have a few packages to send him but I don't think I'll make it to the post office to get the customs forms. Maybe I'll stop at the PostNet store and see if they have some after work and then I'll fill them out and try to get back to the PostNet store to send them out. I hope he likes everything I put in them. And I hope the fan makes it without getting broken. I padded it but it was only with the stuff left over from Pat's Pelican Case that was left over. I want to talk to him tonight but I work really early tomorrow so I would get no sleep before work. And I want to get up early so I can do the dishes and make some coffee.

I'm watching The Rite before bed. I love Anthony Hopkins. I think he really brings life to his characters and I like his voice. This movies pretty creepy. It wasn't to bad when it first started, then it started to pick up half way through. But it's nothing really special. The story is unique but I probably wouldn't buy it. But then again, I don't normally buy scary/thriller movies. I haven't bought any DVDs lately at all. I've been watching a lot of Netflix. Doing tv show marathons. I watched That 70s Show and Roseanne so far. I started on Ancient Aliens. But I haven't had time to actually watch it. Between there, I've watched a bunch of movies too. One that's noteworthy is The Sorcerer's Apprentice. It was actually cute and I liked the story. I was surprised, at first I had no intention of even watching it, I was just going to send it right back, but then decided against that.

Ewww, I'm at the part in The Rite where they're performing the exorcism on Hopkins and the demon  is saying all kinds of stuff, they made Hopkins look really creepy. Good job, makeup.

I think I better get to bed so I can try to fall asleep at a decent time. 
I love you Patrick Sean, please stay safe.


June 19, 2011

if its not bitches its stupid men.

Patrick. You're a douche.

If you were home, I would slap you.

Yes, I am pissed.

June 16, 2011

Ugh. Bitches.

I'm so irritated right now. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it's the not knowing that is killing me. Of course I'm not going to say anything because I don't know that it's about me or Pat. I could just be trying to connect dots that aren't there. I talked to my sister, who has a stable head on her shoulder and isn't over-dramatic, and I explained what's been going on. Basically, months ago, this certain person would right a status and it eerily would sound like she was talking about me. Or something I said. Just kind of randomly. At first, I even said to myself, it could be anyone on her newsfeed. I couldn't directly tie it to me. But then By the second, random, time it just felt WAY TOO coincidental. It wasn't anything that really hurt my feelings. Yes, sometimes I use 'hubby' instead of husband. I don't always want to sound so formal. Whatever, right? Well it would bother me so I explained it to my sister and she said it does kind of sound connected to me, but that I can't be positive and basically just ignore it.

Well yesterday topped it off for. And I just feel like there's NO WAY it's not about me/Pat.

I uploaded 3 pics to my Deployment album. An album that's nothing to joke about. There's like 2 'funny' pics in it. The pics were two of the care packages and one of a cartoon I drew Pat to make him laugh. I know it's retarded but I was bored so I drew and decorated his box. LIKE MOST GIRLS DO. Who wants to open a boring care package? Anyway, 22 minutes later she wrote on her boyfriend's wall "Please call me so we can make fun of that certain couple we do"


I know, they both have a ton of FB friends, but really? She doesn't update on FB a lot and what are the chances?! Ughhh. There's more to why this bother's me so much but I don't want to get into. But I waS pretty pissed because then that confirms my other thoughts... but then this morning he wrote her back saying, which couple soooo.... maybe my 'other' thoughts are wrong. Still I hate both of them. She's a heartless bitch. I ended up deleting her.

Ugh. I'm going to let it go now. I just needed to get that out ha.

June 14, 2011

"And I'm lost without you"

[ Crossing my fingers that I get to talk to Pat tonight. ]

I just made sugar cookies. I'm bored and anxious. And felt like being productive. I would vacuum but I don't think that's a good idea at 10pm. I cleaned the big bathroom the other day before work. I just need to scrub the bathtub down. Maybe I'll work on our bathroom. Or I am getting a little tired. I might just lay down and watch a movie. I did have two beers... Soooo....

I got to see Amanda today! Her, her mom, and Steph came to Wilmington to look at houses so we met at Elizabeth's for lunch. I had an awesome 'Create Your Own' salad. Pat would love it. I wish they had a restaurant here. I would get a salad every day! So we had lunch then we drove around looking at/for houses. It was so nice! I miss Amanda a lot and wish she'd move down here. She definitely needs to get down here again, soon. We only got to spend like 2 hours together. But I'm grateful for that. We found this awesome development, too. I would buy a house there, for sure.

I'm off tomorrow and I wish I could drive out to Myrtle Beach. It's so easy to get to from JVille but I don't want to use the gas money. I have to send Pat's 2nd package and pay bills. My other friend, Wendy, and her family are in Myrtle this week too. I could have seen all of them :( And I haven't seen her in a LONG time. We didn't get to get together on any holiday leaves or predep leave. It's sucks when they're all so close but I still can't see them. Or when I have to work instead! Blah. I have to see if I can get like 4 days off for Ash's wedding shower in July too. I'm sure they won't be happy about it. And 4 days is going to be rough. I'd have to drive one, be home for two, then drive home on the 4th and I know they'll schedule me early on the 5th day. And the drive all by myself... ughhh. I don't even know if I want to see what plane tickets are... maybe I'll look into that. And I'll just have a carry on.


I wish I was a millionaire.

I love you Patrick Sean. <3

June 13, 2011

The worst feeling in the world... to miss a call or a Facebook chat from your husband in Afghanistan. 

And I did today. 
I figured something was up because he never came on last night. I waited and waited and waited. So today I got off work, went to the grocery store and the gas station and came home. Got on the computer and realized the little green dot next to Pat's name at the bottom of my screen. I clicked on the chat box and there were a few chats from him :( He was on this afternoon and I was at work. I think it was right after my 'lunch' break. Ughh. Every time, I don't know what comes over me, but this drowning feeling happens. Knowing I could have talked to him and now I have no idea when the next time will be. It could be weeks. Or worse, months. My heart drops every time.

I miss him so much. It's "deal-able" if I can talk to him. But even then it's still hard. Like when I do get to talk to him and it's only for a few minutes. Then I'm left with this sick, empty, lonely feeling. 

I know I should be happy I even got a few minutes but it leaves you with this hopeless feeling. Like you didn't get to say enough or anything at all. 

:( I hope this depo goes a little faster. It's starting to kill me and it hasn't been that long.

I love you Patrick, till forever. ♥

Deployment, You suck.

Motomail is finally up. I caught up on writing Pat. Sent a few cards(his year anniversary of being a Marine was June 1st) and letters. And of course now a few motomail letters. I don't think he's received any of it yet. I sent out one of his pkg's too. I know he doesn't care, as long as he gets his essentials. But it bothers me that we have no extra money right now and I can't even finish pkg #2. I had to wait to get $15 to send his first pkg! Blah. Hopefully when depo pay kicks in, I'll be able to send more regularly. But Pat wants me to save a large amount of his depo pay, which is fine but I want to send him stuff! I want to send him treats and things. Someone I know has sent out 7, SEVEN, pkg's already! Granted, they're not married, don't have the house/utlilty bills we do, and she probably doesn't have other bills, but still... it's not cheap to make these pkg's. 

It's a job to stay behind and take care of everything. I normally always handle most of the bills, while Pat does a few, but now for some reason it seems overwhelming. I don't know why. And taking care of the puppy(Norm), who's a BRAT, and the apartment.... and working *luckily* 40 hours a week, is catching up to me. On top of that, I'm not sleeping, and because Pat put us on the waiting list to get on base, I have to deal with that. And because of Norm, it is a pain in the ass. And I will have to deal with the moving/tmo because Pat wants in a house before he gets home. Ughhh. And my sister's wedding... and trying to get home for that and the shower... and all the baby showers coming up! It's one busy year.

I just needed to bitch for a min. I guess it's just starting to annoy me.

On a better note, my bestie is in Myrtle Beach!!!!! Which means they're coming up to Wilmington for a day and I get to see her!!!! I wish she would move down here. I think the perfect guy for her is a Marine and she'd love it here. I know she wants to move now but I'm not sure where she's thinking. I can't wait to catch up with her! I wish we could meet at North Topsail beach but I think they're looking at houses in Wilmington.

Man, I miss Pat.

May 28, 2011

Staying strong like you asked me too ♥

I wish Motomail was up. Rob's didn't take this long and I just want to write Pat! I've been writing him a letter over the last week but then I got to talk to him and told him everything in the letter lol. I'm going to write one tonight and then drop it off at the post office on Tuesday when I go to get boxes. I forgot Monday was the holiday, for some reason I thought it was on Sunday. The post office won't be open so I'll have to send his running shoes out on Tuesday.

I saw that the VFW is paying for phone calls tomorrow and his Captain said they will try to allow all the Marines a chance to call home. I work till 7 though :( Hopefully he'll leave a message. I love hearing his voice.

I feel like it's been going fast but I wonder if in the middle months it'll start to drag and start to get hard. I don't even want to think about it

I miss you babe. I'm just going to go to bed.

May 27, 2011

Time to start a new countdown.

This one I can't post but you better believe I've got it in every calendar I own and the app on my phone! 

Pat made it to Afghanistan safely. He's absolutely miserable and is sick. He sounds exhausted, cranky, and "not there". I feel bad because I know his spirits are broke. And it's hard to stay positive when you feel like death. And he's already heard some bad news about a brother from a different unit. I think he knew him but I'm not sure. But of course that isn't what you want to hear. Especially this early into it. 
I asked him if he was taking pictures for me! He says it's the worst place on earth and there's nothing but sand and weird bugs. Where he's at there are no plants, mountains or anything. I told him to take pictures anyway. I want to travel the world too and right now only he is able to so he can take a few pics for me ;)
I hope he realizes the easiest thing to do it just make the best of his situation. I understand the water is near boiling temperature. And no, Pat would not lie about that, so when you read that there is "cool" water, it's definitely not where wpns company is! He said he can't/won't use the internet because it's NOT free. Like $10 a day I think he said. I told him it is NOT worth it and we'll stick to phone calls for now. The calling card he was given by the USO, he can't use. He could only use ATT calling cards. Also they told us where they are going is a safe area but they will be doing a 'historical' push if they succeed. I've already heard from units near there that, that is not the truth. I get trying to ease our minds but how about just not saying anything, instead of lying. I told Pat and he told me not to listen to anything they say on the facebook page and don't even bother with it. 

Which I'm about to do exactly that. I'm so tired of everyone on there. Most all of the 300some members. And I want to tell them all to just shut the hell up.

I'm so annoyed.

And I miss Pat. And the end of the year is SOOOOO far awayyyyyyyy y y y y y   y   y     y      y          y   

And he better come home safe and in one piece. He knows I will kick his butt if he doesn't.

Love you baby.


May 2, 2011

Osama - World Hide and Seek Champion 2001-2011

Woke up to a text from my mom that Osama was dead. That's cool. OBAMA didn't kill him! Please remember that! Just because a person of interest died conveniently before an election does not mean that president killed him and should necessarily be re-elected! I hope people educate themselves on the candidates before just randomly choosing our next president. Yes, Donald Trump is unbelievable but educate yourself on his stances and ideas. Same with Obama. GOOGLE WHAT HE PLANS TO DO IF HE IS RE-ELECTED. Then at least you know what your voting for. 

Second, where is the proof that Osama is dead? I know it is fresh news, but I see no proof. And for everyone thanking ONLY the SEALS involved, I've come across a few articles stating that yes the seals were a large contributor but it wasn't all seals. It was a group of troops. And the one person who killed him, may not have been a seal... JUST SAYING(haven't seen any article declaring the one person) The other guys deserve credit too. (AND OBAMA DOESN'T). 

Also, please realize it's not over. But people don't need to run around all debbie-downer and think the world's going to end and its going to be ten times worse now. 

And to the people who don't agree with any of this and are bashing our troops because only "a little over 2000 people died in 9/11 and over 100000 Iraqi's have died because of the US lead invasion to Iraq" You really believe everything you read too? Do you do your research? Do you watch countless documentaries to form this opinion? I GUARANTEE half of you DON'T and shouldn't be bashing anyone. You don't know the truth, you're not over there. My husband, yes may be a Marine, but was not when we invaded any of these countries. He does not deserve to be BASHED. He is getting ready to see combat, but until then he can't even say shit. When he gets back, you can ask him what it's really like and then form an opinion. Don't sit there and bash something you know nothing about and if we didn't have a military that WORKED, we'd be like a third world fucking country. so count you fucking blessings and be happy you live the damn life you do. Thing's can be a lot different. Fuck. You can't change shit over night people.

I needed to vent. 

Just want to through this out there. Osama may have been dead for years. There's documentaries out there with ex-Taliban stating that Osama was extremely sick years ago, liver problems I believe, and died of natural causes. There's MANY docs about former CIA and White House officials ARGUING about intel on Osama and what they saw when they were in, him being DEAD YEARS AGO. Do your research people. And just because the gov't lies to us does not always mean its bad. Would you really want to know every time a meteor was going to impact Earth and destroy us? Supposedly it happens quite often, and we don't know about it ??? JUST SAYING. Look at all possibilities of everything.

April 17, 2011

One of those Sundays...

I love my Marine♥ But, I'm beginning to find it annoying that he fights for your right to bitch and complain all day long and be rude about. No one ever says, "Wow, I'm lucky to NOT live in a 3rd world country, where people are starving every day and disease is taking over". No one ever is thankful that they don't live in Europe where gas has always been more than $4.00! When people complain about our economic situation or politics they don't agree with, they will deliberately not talk about how our military is being affected, and that the military doesn't matter as much as teachers or doctors. This is the reason I'm on this rant.(Saw something on Facebook) I don't understand how you can think a country's military is not important. And then people who say the troops don't do as much as some doctors/teachers/etc. WHATTTTT? How can you say that? I know many teachers that didn't teach me ANYTHING in school and weren't in the classroom half the time. Yet my area has good test scores. I studied on MY OWN and I comprehended the subjects, not them. I see the doctor and I'm not sure why they are paid as much as they are to tell me things I can figure out on my own. And then to suggest a treatment that doesn't work, they just said "let's try this". Explain to me how someone can say something they do more than our troops. Ughhh I don't know. I just needed to rant. 

Be thankful for your lives. Most of the world does not live the way we do and we're taking it for granted. Someone always has it worse than you do.

April 6, 2011

Troops On Ships Won’t Get Extra Hardship Pay

Troops On Ships Won’t Get Extra Hardship Pay

Why are DoD civilian employees held at a different standard than military DoD troops?

"State Department policies have effectively granted State and Defense department civilian employees hundreds of dollars, and in some cases, more than $1,000 per month for living in the same hardship duty locations. All locally hired Department of Defense employees in those areas of Japan are eligible, according to the State Department."

The troops are only getting $50 IF they are on land, for hardship pay. Also I commend the sailors in the ending quote, who have a point. $50, if we were in that situation, does not make a difference and I can see how with all the budget problems, it is kind of dumb. But at the same time I understand employees who would say the government owed it to them for making them work in a dangerous area. When compared to what the STATE is doing for civilian employees, $50 is embarrassing. I guess I just realized I do have a problems with DoD civilian employees. They reap a lot of government benefits, the same as the troops, and I don't see a comparison between them and a Marine or soldier. Until you walk on base and have to deal with civilian employees, you may not understand. For example in the office where you get your DoD car sticker, or temp pass, they are flat out rude, unfriendly, and ignorant. I have never came across one that looked like they loved their life. And this is all ages. They are rude to the Marine also. Pat and I have walked in together and I have gone by myself. They don't have manners and act like I'm the scum of the earth. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA and I want to call them out SO FUCKING BAD. If I even thought about acting that way at Sheetz, I would be counseled and then fired. I don't understand why they are so mean, for no reason. If you didn't want a job where it is your responsibility to deal with the public or answer questions, and sit behind a desk, then fucking quit. Their job performance, from what I have seen and been subject too, is a shame. It's a shame they still get paid.

I'm so confused as to where our country went wrong. It is a hopeless situation.

April 5, 2011

Treasury: Debt ceiling also threatens pay - Marine Corps News | News from Afghanistan & Iraq - Marine Corps Times

Treasury: Debt ceiling also threatens pay - Marine Corps News | News from Afghanistan & Iraq - Marine Corps Times

Some people don't believe any of this will ever happen, but it can! Our country is in danger. I don't follow everything, and I don't do heavy research, but some of the reports I've come across are very scary. This article isn't about a government shut down(budget cut, no available funds), if you've been following that the past few weeks. This has to do with federal debt all around. It amazes me that people will still sit here and act like these things will never happen when they HAVE happened in the past. When all the hype about a government shut down happened a few weeks ago, a lot of people I talked to did not realize that it actually happened before. The government ACTUALLY shut down and people were back payed if they were subject to losing their paycheck. These people insisted that this could never and will never happen. It can happen and I'm sure with the way things are going, things like this will happen. Even if you just open your eyes slightly, you can educate yourself. I don't know what to do, I have no answers but at least I'm aware of the downward spiral our country is traveling down.

If you're interested in one of the actual, real possible dangers our country is in, look into what happens if China and other countries stop using American currency. From the little research I have done, from what I understand, American currency is excepted everywhere. If other countries (China, Saudi Arabia(OIL!!), etc) stop using American currency as payment for exports, our currency would take a dive and not be worth anything. We would have to convert our money when paying for exports and it will be outrageously expensive. I read that many stores in the United States are already expecting foreign currencies. Also many foreign countries/banks, when traveling, WILL NOT convert your American currency or even use American issued credit cards(paid in American currency). Is this something we should be worried about? It is definitely worth looking into. The consequences seem very damaging to the way Americans live their lives.

April 4, 2011

If you want to enjoy the rainbow, be prepared to endure the storm.

It was one of those really bad days today. It started off okay. Went for about a 3 mile walk around base housing with Kailey and Rachel. It was so nice out today. I don't know if I got any color, but Kailey got red and Rachel's freckles were popping out like crazy! We walked from Kailey's house(on base) to Rachel's. Rachel will move into hers within the next few weeks. I love Kailey's and from what we could see through the windows of Rachel's, I love her's too. I think I want to move on base. But I don't know if Pat wants to. And I would possibly be moving while Pat was gone. And if we don't get on the list, we'll have to sign a new lease here for a year, or for 6 months. The 6 month leases are prorated and more expensive so I don't know if that would be a good option for us. Decisions, decisions.

So when did it turn bad? After I dropped Rachel off I went to the bank to take care of something. The ladies inside the branch were very nice and helpful and we figured out what had happened. The lady I talked to on the phone at the bank, left me in tears. Not only was she unfriendly, rude, and mean, she acted like I didn't have a right to know what I was asking about and I shouldn't be mad. She acted like it was my fault not hers or the banks. I don't want to go over the details again, but basically we have a loan and there was a loan fee that was withdrawn from our checking account. They signed a cashier's check with my name and signature and she claimed that never happened. But it did. There's more to it than that, but I'm so pissed I just want to forget about it. Well I cried at the bank, on the way home, and when I got home. Everything I watched on TV brought me to tears, and I just really want to be in Pat's arms and forget about today. 

I wish I could talk to Pat. I got an "i love u" and an "i miss you" text today but that was all. I noticed a lot of moms and wives, once again, got phone calls. I know not to compare to them, but the ONLY reason I talked to him the night before he left for the field, was because he snuck a phone call while on truck watch. But all these other guys are given time to call home? It makes me so bitter towards them. Especially when I feel like it is rude to post every time you talk to them. I would not and won't do it just because I know how I feel. And even though these girls have been advised not to do that during deployment, if they're doing it now, they will do it then.

I have my doctor's appointment this Friday too. I probably won't find much out but it just hurts that I know I can't notify Pat if something is wrong because I know I won't talk to him, but these other moms or wives get regular texts or phone calls. I'm not going to sit here and think that this makes me stronger or better than them but sometimes I wish that deployment comes easy for me because I'm basically fcking going through it (the no communication part) and they aren't, right now. I hope this is period talk coming out and that's why I feel so horrible and like such a bitch. I need to fast forward to May.

April 3, 2011

I thought Sundays couldn't get any worse, but just realized they can.

I don't know what it is about Sundays, but I always feel like crap on them. Even when Pat is home, they are not all that enjoyable(they are just different than any other day).  It's even worse when I'm alone. And they drag on FOREVER when Pat isn't here. Even if I was busy today, I would still have this lingering hopeless feeling inside. Ughh. I want to talk to Pat. It is such crap. I checked the group fb, even though Pat told me for my own sake not to, and all these mom's said they heard from their sons ?? Pat told me they were going into the desert for the next three weeks. One wife said her husband was going to the field for only 9 days? I hate how you can't get any right information. Pat and I have such bad luck with little things like this. It just always works out that Pat or I get screwed in some little way. I'm not a downer, but it gets old after a while. It like every year, we start out on the wrong foot.

Idunno. =\

April 1, 2011

have you ever been to heaven at night?

Today is one of those days.
I miss Pat. I'm bored. And anxious. 
I hate that feeling I get when I know I won't see Pat.
I can hold it off for about half a day. 
When I wake up in the morning, I'm okay.
By lunch, I'm still okay.
Even by three o'clock, I'm still okay. But then it starts.
That kind of gut wrenching, sick, deep in my stomach feeling.
Knowing he's not coming home from work. 
That I won't see him when I go to bed.
That I won't even get a phone call or text.

It's the worst feeling in the world. It passes. But sometimes I get nervous that one day it will just stay with me forever. Is this how I'm going to feel if I lose him to Afghanistan? Will I ever be okay again if that happens? I don't have a confident outlook on that situation. Not at all. It will be the end of the world for me and I don't know if I will recoup from it. I pray, that is not what God has planned for us.

I wish I had a puppy. I wouldn't feel as lonely when I'm at home.

March 31, 2011

I don't care what people say about Charlie Sheen...

Two and a Half Men is the funniest show on tv. Period. And Charlie Sheen makes the show, but the other characters are funny. I really could careless what Sheen does with his own life but I do care whether he's on the show or not. Just needed to get that off my chest.

I also need to put it out there that I'm so annoyed with our Unit. They have a private facebook group and I don't care what info I get from it, I'm about ready to leave the group. It's pathetic that instead of just messaging the person (who OBVIOUSLY doesn't realize they made an 'opsec' violation on a PRIVATE, repeat, PRIVATE group that ONLY THE MEMBERS ON IT WHO ALL KNOW THE INFO CAN SEE) they post, repeatedly, discussions and reminders. Then somehow you'll see them say "we're aware of violations on personal fb's and blah blah" Who is friends with the 'admins' that are dumb enough to put shit on their fb's that they can see? That's exactly why I'm not adding any of them. The only people I add are wives who I know don't interact on the group. It's just ridiculous that they don't privately message the person and tell them what they did. I've read the opsec rules multiple times and honestly some people interpret them wrong. So I don't agree with some of the things some people say. Its just annoying that they can be HELPFUL and PROFESSIONAL instead of know-it-all, rude, ready to punish someone, kind of people.

It's amazing how someone 30 years older than me can be completely oblivious to how you talk and deal with the public. Having some manners, professionalism, intelligence, and compassion can get you a long way in life and these people are seriously lacking it here.

It's no wonder why only a handful of people actually participate in the group. And why the FRO doesn't have many volunteers.

I've been holding that in for a while, hoping things would change and it was just a bad first impression I had. Yup, I was wrong.

PS. I'm missing Pat, but not doing too bad. I'm not sure why. Of course I've had my moments and cried, but I think I feel less stressed then when he's here! I am going through a few things that are a little stressful, but I'm gonna let them ride out and see what happens. EMV is around 5 to 6 weeks long but we're hoping it gets cut a little short so we get a longer leave. Who knows. I know the dates probably are going to change a few times. I'll be surprised if the stay the same, so far they have. We'll see though.

Rob's doing good :) I need to start getting a care package ready for him, I just don't have extra money to buy him candy and stuff. He's been able to make many phone calls and be on the internet a LOT since he's been there... I doubt it will last much longer though. I know my friend says a lot of her clients tell her they all get to talk to their husbands like once a week at least, during deployment. But I'm not convinced that includes grunts... I know a lot of families and girls that didn't hear from their grunt. But when ever I talk to a girl that says she does, her husband's usually pog. I dunno. I hope I'm wrong, I would love to hear from Pat a lot while he's gone.

March 22, 2011

Calls from Afghaniland !

First let me say, facebook sucks in the early AM. At first I thought it was my internet connection, but it's not. It's just facebook. And I can't successfully creep! :D

I was up and down all last night. I have a cold and that may have been keeping me up, but I really think its just blind stress. I don't feel stressed, like before, when I couldn't shut my brain off and go to sleep. I don't know, but it sucks! And I think I'm getting old, fast! I didn't drink a lot before bed and I literally went to the bathroom last night at least 5 times. What if I'm having problems with my bladder on top of everything else?!

Besides not sleeping well (I wasn't mad and cranky about it though) we got a call from Rob! I don't know if Pat had talked to him since the last time, but I thought we weren't going to hear from him for a while. At first I thought it was Pat's command or something, saying he was late or he had to come in even earlier. (That's happened before). But it was 'Wobert' :)

After Pat talked to him it was time for him to get ready. So I watched Pat get ready for work as usual. He has PT this morning, well he thinks a PFT, so he had to wear his green running suit. Not only is it the most comfortable thing he says he's ever worn, I think it's cute. After he left at 0500, I decided to just stay up. I was going to clean, but then I decided to check Netflix. Or possibly play Gears of War 2. Well I was searching Netflix and found an old movie i used to watch as a kid! I didn't expect to come across it at all, so it was like a blast from the past! It's called The Frog Prince and it's based on a children's story but the theatrics used to actually scare me. It's so funny, now I watch things that I used to watch and it's amazing what how our minds interpret things when we are young. I had such a vivid imagination. I came across Pippi Long Stalking too! Gotta ♥ Netflix!

I think I'm going to watch a little of something and then clean :)
Hope everyone has a good day!

March 15, 2011

pow! pow!

Mom, Pat, and I went to the Sportsman's Lodge! I was definitely nervous to shoot at first. Infact, it took me around 10 minutes to stop jumping at the sound of every gun shot. But you get used to it very quickly. Mom and I were sharing a Beretta m9 and Pat was shooting a Springfield XD .45. He let me try the .45 and if I had shot with it more, I would have gotten used to it. This being the first time I've ever shot a pistol, I did fairly well. I was happy :) The first 15 minutes, I was anticipating the shot before I even pulled the trigger which told me I was still 'afraid' of the pistol. Almost 90% of the time I was afraid to pull the trigger but I wanted to see if I could shoot the little x in the silhouette. So I was determined to overcome the fear. Besides I can't hurt paper. I know now that it would be hard for me to pull the trigger if I needed to shoot someone. But when am I going to need to shoot someone?! Hopefully my house never gets broken into.
I do want to go to the shooting range now, every week! And Rachel and Kailey want to come too. Keith got Rachel a pistol for their wedding day gift. I think that's so cute! I would love for Pat to buy me one. And I'd probably stick to the girly gun, 9mm. But I think I want to try the .45 again! I'm still 'afraid' of guns though. I can't get the thought out of my head that I'm going to accidentally drop the gun and its going to fire and shoot me or someone. Or that I'm going to fire it and a rogue bullet with a mind of its own is going to go for the nearest human. OR that by some strange act of God, I'll be mentally challenged for a second and have the gun pointed at myself! I know, sounds crazy, but I'm not stupid, I realize what one bullet can do. And when you feel the power, even in a little Beretta 9mm with its smaller sized bullets, its like you're God. You can choose who dies and who doesn't. Provided you're a good shot. Which I'm not a pro. And I think my eyes are royally f'ed up. I know I have astigmatisms in both eyes. Well this old fellar, Marine, was telling us to try not to close one eye. And to aim with both open. I can't see when I do this. Focusing on or past the pistol sights. I tried when I was at home too, with anything. For example, bringing my finger back and forth to my face. No go. I can 'see' my finger but nothing around it or past it. And when I close my eye I still do have problems. My eyes are so messed up and I'm pretty sure with astigmatisms, I don't qualify to have lasik eye surgery. Bummer. I don't want to be blind, and I'm definitely headed that way. My prescriptions for both eyes, changes every couple months. I just got these contacts in August and by November, I was having trouble seeing with them. And my glasses don't help anymore and they were from March.
Ughhh. And I'm putting off going to the doc for my stomach problem. Which is probably a huge mistake but, I  don't mind right now. I just don't want to know.

Pat's asking me to clean his boots for work tomorrow. So I'm gonna make the best of that and watch Step Brothers ;) peacexoxo

March 9, 2011

Semper Gumby... I can be flexible, but not THAT flexible

Horrible day in our Marine Corps world. It was to be expected, obviously. I'm not stupid and if you have enough pieces you can fit it all together. But the drastic-ness of this is, ignorant. I hoped it was a rumor, knowing that most likely it wasn't. But at least hoping the dates were wrong. Then unofficially it was confirmed by other wives. See, if you're a smart Marine wife, you already have a list of criteria you go by to determine what someone else or even what your husband tells you, is the truth.

For example:
1) The source? Is this someone you can trust? Has good past experiences? Uses their brains before they speak?
2) Taking in to account past situations that are the same. The way a judge or lawyer looks at past cases of the same, and sees how they were dealt with. Do the same with your situation. What happened in the end to someone this was told too.
3) Asking details. What, when, where, why, how? Yes, this is the Marine Corps, no answer is needed. REGARDLESS, I will ask, and I will get answers. 
How did this come about? Who did they hear it from? Was it from a casual or formal conversation? Etc.
4) FB helps with this one. Watching other wives/SOs and what they say on the internet. How they say things. And their emotion. Further creeping on convo's they have with their friends. Some people put it all out there and you can get all the info you need from one single status update.
5) The amount of people that know what you've been told even though, 'officially' it wasn't told to the Marine.
6) Keeping your mouth shut and just gathering information. Do not influence the informant even if you have heard something different.

Afterwards, you must keep calm. Hold your breath, scream, do whatever you need to do until you talk to your Marine. At this point, you take everything in to account but do not make judgement or tell anyone of importance(family) anything. Only after your Marine has been briefed OFFICIALLY(not by eavesdropping, informal conversations, or being told by someone who's rank doesn't make it OFFICIAL) do you tell anyone who needs to be told.

So I'm holding my breath. Of course my mother, who is visiting again, knows. I had to tell her. I tried not to for about an hour. I couldn't sit in the same room as her, while this tension was suffocating me. I needed to get it off my chest. Of course, I told her hopefully it's not true. But we were just discussing the other guys who were told the same and friends of friends, who were told the SAME, in the last week! Its not surprising, like I said, but this is more drastic than the other people's situation, we were talking about. Of course 'I can't say anything'. I hate that. When I hold things in, it eats away at me. I get sick, nervous, frantic, crazy.

I need some valium or SOMETHING TO CALM ME DOWN.