April 17, 2011

One of those Sundays...

I love my Marine♥ But, I'm beginning to find it annoying that he fights for your right to bitch and complain all day long and be rude about. No one ever says, "Wow, I'm lucky to NOT live in a 3rd world country, where people are starving every day and disease is taking over". No one ever is thankful that they don't live in Europe where gas has always been more than $4.00! When people complain about our economic situation or politics they don't agree with, they will deliberately not talk about how our military is being affected, and that the military doesn't matter as much as teachers or doctors. This is the reason I'm on this rant.(Saw something on Facebook) I don't understand how you can think a country's military is not important. And then people who say the troops don't do as much as some doctors/teachers/etc. WHATTTTT? How can you say that? I know many teachers that didn't teach me ANYTHING in school and weren't in the classroom half the time. Yet my area has good test scores. I studied on MY OWN and I comprehended the subjects, not them. I see the doctor and I'm not sure why they are paid as much as they are to tell me things I can figure out on my own. And then to suggest a treatment that doesn't work, they just said "let's try this". Explain to me how someone can say something they do more than our troops. Ughhh I don't know. I just needed to rant. 

Be thankful for your lives. Most of the world does not live the way we do and we're taking it for granted. Someone always has it worse than you do.

April 6, 2011

Troops On Ships Won’t Get Extra Hardship Pay

Troops On Ships Won’t Get Extra Hardship Pay

Why are DoD civilian employees held at a different standard than military DoD troops?

"State Department policies have effectively granted State and Defense department civilian employees hundreds of dollars, and in some cases, more than $1,000 per month for living in the same hardship duty locations. All locally hired Department of Defense employees in those areas of Japan are eligible, according to the State Department."

The troops are only getting $50 IF they are on land, for hardship pay. Also I commend the sailors in the ending quote, who have a point. $50, if we were in that situation, does not make a difference and I can see how with all the budget problems, it is kind of dumb. But at the same time I understand employees who would say the government owed it to them for making them work in a dangerous area. When compared to what the STATE is doing for civilian employees, $50 is embarrassing. I guess I just realized I do have a problems with DoD civilian employees. They reap a lot of government benefits, the same as the troops, and I don't see a comparison between them and a Marine or soldier. Until you walk on base and have to deal with civilian employees, you may not understand. For example in the office where you get your DoD car sticker, or temp pass, they are flat out rude, unfriendly, and ignorant. I have never came across one that looked like they loved their life. And this is all ages. They are rude to the Marine also. Pat and I have walked in together and I have gone by myself. They don't have manners and act like I'm the scum of the earth. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA and I want to call them out SO FUCKING BAD. If I even thought about acting that way at Sheetz, I would be counseled and then fired. I don't understand why they are so mean, for no reason. If you didn't want a job where it is your responsibility to deal with the public or answer questions, and sit behind a desk, then fucking quit. Their job performance, from what I have seen and been subject too, is a shame. It's a shame they still get paid.

I'm so confused as to where our country went wrong. It is a hopeless situation.

April 5, 2011

Treasury: Debt ceiling also threatens pay - Marine Corps News | News from Afghanistan & Iraq - Marine Corps Times

Treasury: Debt ceiling also threatens pay - Marine Corps News | News from Afghanistan & Iraq - Marine Corps Times

Some people don't believe any of this will ever happen, but it can! Our country is in danger. I don't follow everything, and I don't do heavy research, but some of the reports I've come across are very scary. This article isn't about a government shut down(budget cut, no available funds), if you've been following that the past few weeks. This has to do with federal debt all around. It amazes me that people will still sit here and act like these things will never happen when they HAVE happened in the past. When all the hype about a government shut down happened a few weeks ago, a lot of people I talked to did not realize that it actually happened before. The government ACTUALLY shut down and people were back payed if they were subject to losing their paycheck. These people insisted that this could never and will never happen. It can happen and I'm sure with the way things are going, things like this will happen. Even if you just open your eyes slightly, you can educate yourself. I don't know what to do, I have no answers but at least I'm aware of the downward spiral our country is traveling down.

If you're interested in one of the actual, real possible dangers our country is in, look into what happens if China and other countries stop using American currency. From the little research I have done, from what I understand, American currency is excepted everywhere. If other countries (China, Saudi Arabia(OIL!!), etc) stop using American currency as payment for exports, our currency would take a dive and not be worth anything. We would have to convert our money when paying for exports and it will be outrageously expensive. I read that many stores in the United States are already expecting foreign currencies. Also many foreign countries/banks, when traveling, WILL NOT convert your American currency or even use American issued credit cards(paid in American currency). Is this something we should be worried about? It is definitely worth looking into. The consequences seem very damaging to the way Americans live their lives.

April 4, 2011

If you want to enjoy the rainbow, be prepared to endure the storm.

It was one of those really bad days today. It started off okay. Went for about a 3 mile walk around base housing with Kailey and Rachel. It was so nice out today. I don't know if I got any color, but Kailey got red and Rachel's freckles were popping out like crazy! We walked from Kailey's house(on base) to Rachel's. Rachel will move into hers within the next few weeks. I love Kailey's and from what we could see through the windows of Rachel's, I love her's too. I think I want to move on base. But I don't know if Pat wants to. And I would possibly be moving while Pat was gone. And if we don't get on the list, we'll have to sign a new lease here for a year, or for 6 months. The 6 month leases are prorated and more expensive so I don't know if that would be a good option for us. Decisions, decisions.

So when did it turn bad? After I dropped Rachel off I went to the bank to take care of something. The ladies inside the branch were very nice and helpful and we figured out what had happened. The lady I talked to on the phone at the bank, left me in tears. Not only was she unfriendly, rude, and mean, she acted like I didn't have a right to know what I was asking about and I shouldn't be mad. She acted like it was my fault not hers or the banks. I don't want to go over the details again, but basically we have a loan and there was a loan fee that was withdrawn from our checking account. They signed a cashier's check with my name and signature and she claimed that never happened. But it did. There's more to it than that, but I'm so pissed I just want to forget about it. Well I cried at the bank, on the way home, and when I got home. Everything I watched on TV brought me to tears, and I just really want to be in Pat's arms and forget about today. 

I wish I could talk to Pat. I got an "i love u" and an "i miss you" text today but that was all. I noticed a lot of moms and wives, once again, got phone calls. I know not to compare to them, but the ONLY reason I talked to him the night before he left for the field, was because he snuck a phone call while on truck watch. But all these other guys are given time to call home? It makes me so bitter towards them. Especially when I feel like it is rude to post every time you talk to them. I would not and won't do it just because I know how I feel. And even though these girls have been advised not to do that during deployment, if they're doing it now, they will do it then.

I have my doctor's appointment this Friday too. I probably won't find much out but it just hurts that I know I can't notify Pat if something is wrong because I know I won't talk to him, but these other moms or wives get regular texts or phone calls. I'm not going to sit here and think that this makes me stronger or better than them but sometimes I wish that deployment comes easy for me because I'm basically fcking going through it (the no communication part) and they aren't, right now. I hope this is period talk coming out and that's why I feel so horrible and like such a bitch. I need to fast forward to May.

April 3, 2011

I thought Sundays couldn't get any worse, but just realized they can.

I don't know what it is about Sundays, but I always feel like crap on them. Even when Pat is home, they are not all that enjoyable(they are just different than any other day).  It's even worse when I'm alone. And they drag on FOREVER when Pat isn't here. Even if I was busy today, I would still have this lingering hopeless feeling inside. Ughh. I want to talk to Pat. It is such crap. I checked the group fb, even though Pat told me for my own sake not to, and all these mom's said they heard from their sons ?? Pat told me they were going into the desert for the next three weeks. One wife said her husband was going to the field for only 9 days? I hate how you can't get any right information. Pat and I have such bad luck with little things like this. It just always works out that Pat or I get screwed in some little way. I'm not a downer, but it gets old after a while. It like every year, we start out on the wrong foot.

Idunno. =\

April 1, 2011

have you ever been to heaven at night?

Today is one of those days.
I miss Pat. I'm bored. And anxious. 
I hate that feeling I get when I know I won't see Pat.
I can hold it off for about half a day. 
When I wake up in the morning, I'm okay.
By lunch, I'm still okay.
Even by three o'clock, I'm still okay. But then it starts.
That kind of gut wrenching, sick, deep in my stomach feeling.
Knowing he's not coming home from work. 
That I won't see him when I go to bed.
That I won't even get a phone call or text.

It's the worst feeling in the world. It passes. But sometimes I get nervous that one day it will just stay with me forever. Is this how I'm going to feel if I lose him to Afghanistan? Will I ever be okay again if that happens? I don't have a confident outlook on that situation. Not at all. It will be the end of the world for me and I don't know if I will recoup from it. I pray, that is not what God has planned for us.

I wish I had a puppy. I wouldn't feel as lonely when I'm at home.