September 24, 2009

things are looking better

things are looking better... we've worked on some stuff and i feel much better. im still a little unsure and uneasy. but im trying my best to stay positive. i don't want to screw up or do the wrong thing... i love him and i want this to work. :) things are starting slowly to be like they used to. he's doing things he hasn't and it makes me so happy to feel that love again. there's still things we need to work on. but i really think its going to be okay. i love you. ♥

September 13, 2009



-- Bloggin' via the iTouch!

September 11, 2009

If I knew what I know now, back then...

[1] I wouldn't be so stubborn
[2] I would have gone straight to a tech school for a medical program instead if YSU
[3] I wouldn't be so selfish
[4] I would have told you I loved you more
[5] I would have never gotten any credit cards. NOT ONE
[6] I would have gone to class
[7] I would have thought things through before doing certain things... Instead if being dumb about stuff.
[8] I would take better care if my car
[9] I would learn to bite my tongue
[10] I would visit my other family members more often
[11] I would have never started smoking
[12] I would have watched what I ate
[13] I would ask more questions
[14] I would communicate better with my boyfriend
[15] I would loosen up
[16] I would do more for you
[17] I would travel more
[18] I would learn to let things go
[19] I wouldn't let everything bother me.
[20] I wouldn't be SO hard on myself
[21] I would love myself more.

-- Bloggin' via the iTouch!

September 7, 2009

let's make everything okay.

lets lay in a field, miles away from civilization, and just stare at the clouds. we'll giggle, laugh, and forget that we have friends, family, enemies, and problems. let's just focus on us. lets stay here until the sun sets or until it starts to rain. let's listen to the leaves as they fall, and then call it the soundtrack of our lives. let's talk about all our wishes and pretend to set balloons free for each one of them. let's remember this everyday and regret that we can't do it as often as we'd like. let's not ask questions, but just wait for the other to tell. we can disappear together and leave them all questioning.

the only truly painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained. strange how laughter looks like crying with no sound and how raindrops taste like tears without pain.

September 5, 2009

Realizing what I'm losing.

I feel like all my dreams were shattered into pieces right in front of me... I screwed up and I wish I could go back and fix it. I wish we didn't have to go through any of this. I don't think I'll ever get over this... It just hurts so much. I love you too much.

-- Bloggin' via the iTouch!

September 2, 2009

'here i go again on my own' ♥

--Life can be so complicating. Once you think you're ahead, things just turn bad again. Take one step forward, then 3 steps backward! When will it ever end? Its a gruesome, vicious cycle and I'm getting very tired of it. I don't know what to do. I thought I found the answers, I definitely found out somethings that explained some other things and helped a little. But now... I'm even more lost. I'm even more confused and I don't know what is right and what is wrong. I don't know what are lies and what aren't. What's sincere? What's bullshit? I need a little help. And no one is helping.

How much longer is this going to go on? And how much longer will I continue to think its all worth it? I'm impatient and I think its been long enough. Everything should be figured out and fixed. I just want to be stress free and happy. I want to live life and enjoy it. :(