July 6, 2011

So thankful for Facebook Chat

Got to talk to Pat, I was starting to think I would be going, almost another week of not talking. I think the longest I have gone is about 5 days. (Not talking with him on at least, the Internet, I had gone almost a month I think, of not hearing his voice.) But we got to chat last night. He saw my status about being upset but naturally just asked what's wrong and for me to explain. He didn't say what I wanted to hear. He just kind of defended himself, not in an arguing way but, I don't know. He doesn't get it. The rest of our convo started to lighten up after that and we joked. I laughed a lot but still, he ignored a few things I said and is just acting so much like a "guy" I guess, I can't explain it. I guess you could say being around the guys this long is bringing the doucheness out... but I doubt he's socializing most of the time. He likes to keep to himself and frankly, he just doesn't like most of the guys. At least that's what he's said. I hope this phase passes, fast. Sometimes I wonder if I should try not talking to him and actually going a week or two without communication. I know that's wrong and I can't make myself do it, every time I get to talk to him whether we argue or not is cherished. We've been very lucky thus far and honestly I would hate to have had to go through deployments years ago when you had to rely on snail mail and few phone calls. I think it just bugs me that, of course, his way of dealing with all this is being a jerk, almost and being insensitive. Its hard watching other guys, who aren't married, send flowers(over the Internet) back home to their girlfriends. Pat can't say one nice thing besides I love you and I miss you. Of course when he first left, it wasn't like that. But it happened quicker than I thought it would and I feel like it's my fault because of some of the issues we've been arguing about. I shouldn't be complaining, I know he loves me and can't live without me, the same for me, but sometimes I do want more. It's like I want him to show or tell the whole world how much I mean to him. And he doesn't do that anymore.

I love you Patrick. Please be safe<3

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