April 4, 2011

If you want to enjoy the rainbow, be prepared to endure the storm.

It was one of those really bad days today. It started off okay. Went for about a 3 mile walk around base housing with Kailey and Rachel. It was so nice out today. I don't know if I got any color, but Kailey got red and Rachel's freckles were popping out like crazy! We walked from Kailey's house(on base) to Rachel's. Rachel will move into hers within the next few weeks. I love Kailey's and from what we could see through the windows of Rachel's, I love her's too. I think I want to move on base. But I don't know if Pat wants to. And I would possibly be moving while Pat was gone. And if we don't get on the list, we'll have to sign a new lease here for a year, or for 6 months. The 6 month leases are prorated and more expensive so I don't know if that would be a good option for us. Decisions, decisions.

So when did it turn bad? After I dropped Rachel off I went to the bank to take care of something. The ladies inside the branch were very nice and helpful and we figured out what had happened. The lady I talked to on the phone at the bank, left me in tears. Not only was she unfriendly, rude, and mean, she acted like I didn't have a right to know what I was asking about and I shouldn't be mad. She acted like it was my fault not hers or the banks. I don't want to go over the details again, but basically we have a loan and there was a loan fee that was withdrawn from our checking account. They signed a cashier's check with my name and signature and she claimed that never happened. But it did. There's more to it than that, but I'm so pissed I just want to forget about it. Well I cried at the bank, on the way home, and when I got home. Everything I watched on TV brought me to tears, and I just really want to be in Pat's arms and forget about today. 

I wish I could talk to Pat. I got an "i love u" and an "i miss you" text today but that was all. I noticed a lot of moms and wives, once again, got phone calls. I know not to compare to them, but the ONLY reason I talked to him the night before he left for the field, was because he snuck a phone call while on truck watch. But all these other guys are given time to call home? It makes me so bitter towards them. Especially when I feel like it is rude to post every time you talk to them. I would not and won't do it just because I know how I feel. And even though these girls have been advised not to do that during deployment, if they're doing it now, they will do it then.

I have my doctor's appointment this Friday too. I probably won't find much out but it just hurts that I know I can't notify Pat if something is wrong because I know I won't talk to him, but these other moms or wives get regular texts or phone calls. I'm not going to sit here and think that this makes me stronger or better than them but sometimes I wish that deployment comes easy for me because I'm basically fcking going through it (the no communication part) and they aren't, right now. I hope this is period talk coming out and that's why I feel so horrible and like such a bitch. I need to fast forward to May.

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