August 9, 2011

Impacts of life decisions

The day I married my soul mate, everything changed. Everything set in and seemed 'right'. I wasn't nervous, I didn't have any second thoughts, I wasn't like "What am I getting myself into". From then on, I saw God's path. Up until then, I couldn't see. I struggled to understand where my life was going, I thought there was no path. But now I see it. And I feel like this is exactly what He had planned. I was getting lost before and needed to fight to get to this point. I feel at ease with myself and my life. I wouldn't change it or trade it for anything.

With that being said, my sister has made a decision that I can not understand. 

She claims J is her soul mate. They've been together I think longer than three years now. They were getting married this year, in October. This coming weekend is the date for their Bridal Shower. Around two weeks ago, out of the blue, we found out that A decided to call the wedding off! ! ! ! ! Literally a week before I found this out, she was telling me how she couldn't wait until I saw the wedding topper, and her and Mom were getting other wedding stuff together. The severity and quickness of this whole fiasco, is really throwing me off. And also my Mother. And My YiaYia. And I'm not sure how my Dad feels. You have no idea how completely out of left field this is. I was very upset when my Mom told me. Pat is extremely upset and mind-blown, also. I called A and talked to her. It's not effective over the phone. She didn't explain too much. Just kept saying J was also having feelings like he wasn't ready. Do I believe that? Slightly, but I think he just doesn't want to show how he really feels. Supposedly, my sister has met someone. I explained, from personal experience, how what she may be feeling because of meeting this person, is not real. Of course she has to realize this on her own. But I know what she's going through. And she needs to take a step back and re-evaluate her situation and feelings. It's a smoke-screen effect and it's misleading. She could ruin something really good by giving in. I think she's realized that, now. She apparently "needs to find herself", she's "lost herself in all this". Really? I don't think so. I'm not sure what's going on in her head, but mentally she's screwing with J and it's the last thing he needs. I don't even know. There are so many thoughts running through my head. I could kick her butt for doing this two weeks before the Bridal Shower. How do you just realize out of no where, you've fallen out of love with someone you loved a week before?!?!

Regardless of the outcome of this situation, as the BIG SISTER, I can not sit back and not have an opinion. Although I keep it to myself, I would hate to see her decisions take her down the wrong path in life. I'm going to sit back and let her learn on her own, though. No one was there to help me make the right decisions and I've learned a lot. I also keep this in mind with everything I decide now. Will she? Time will tell, I suppose.

In another sense, this distracts me from deployment. It's doesn't need to distract Pat and I know he cares. It makes me nervous. It's like he focuses on everything else, but Afghanistan. He's worried about this, he was worried about missing the wedding. He's worried about getting a house on base, when I've repeatedly told him I'm handling it. He worries about me and our finances. He worries about Norm. He needs to realize, the more important thing he needs to worry about is coming home safe and sound and not in a box. I can handle everything here. Everything will be okay. He can't save everything. I can take some of the burden and put it on myself.

♥ 1/9

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