July 6, 2011
It comes and it goes, but tonight it's bad. I want to start a family. But then again, I think maybe I don't. It is so frustrating. I don't know what the 'right' choice is, is there a 'right' choice? Does Pat ever want kids? I'm beginning to think he doesn't and maybe that's why it bothers me so much. What if he never wants to? Can I live without never having a family? That's how I feel. We're not a family if we don't have a child. And then if he just gives in, will it still turn out to be the perfect life I've always dreamt of? I don't know what the next step actually is, but I feel like something iscoming or something needs to be done. I'm anticipating something but I don't know what it is. I hate this feeling. And I feel like Pat's holding something back but I don't know what it is, if anything. I wish I could read his mind. Seriously.