January 23, 2008
A quote from Buddhism can some up life in a sentence. "Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts." To anyone who never understood why a person does the things they do, that quote sums it up. To anyone I ever tried to explain to the way I think, read that quote. You won't necessarily understand, unless your going through what I'm going through. But maybe that puts it a little clearer, than my babble. You'll never know. And you'll never be able to help me. Only I can help myself. I've got it under control. You don't need to worry. But for all the times you asked "why do you do that?" and you told me my reasoning didn't make sense, yes it did. Its how I deal with problems. Only I can hurt myself the worst. I make the decisions that lead to all outcomes in my life. I only have myself to answer to, myself that leads my life. In the end, it all comes back on me. You don't understand this, because you won't come to terms with yourself. I know when I screw up, and I know how my head process things. It is my fault because they were my actions, or my words. I acted upon what someone else did or said, whether they were being hurtful or in the wrong. I choose the paths that lead me through my life. No one else does. So when I do something wrong, isn't it fair that I deal with the consequences, myself. Teach myself a lesson. Remind myself in some way, that you can't do that again or you can get through the rough times? Don't worry about me, I know what I'm doing... worry about yourself and where you're going.