February 10, 2009

i want to pull my f'n hair out!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD I AM SOOO PISSED!!!!!!!!!! I want to fucking break something. Or kick someone. I knew it this whole fucking time! I'm so happy I'm not a fucking idiot but at the same time, it sucks being right!!!! I can't believe I actually was given this chance to see how people can really be and prove my thoughts correct! I really didn't think it was going to be like this. That I was given proof. Now, I just have to get past it, which may be hard. I keep saying it doesn't bother me, but of course I'm lying. I hate not being needed. I hate not being in the 'know'. I hate not having my spotlight. I hate confrontations, I hate problems. All that stuff. But I knew this is how it was. I just have the fucking proof and I don't have to pretend to myself that there is some little bit of hope out there. I guess I don't want there to be any way. I'm better off. And I've done it before. I just like to think I'm a good person and I can put things behind me. That's why I don't hold grudges and I look for the good in everything and hope for the best even in the worst of times. I get over things fast. Sometimes I just need a few minutes to rant and rave and bitch and complain. Every girl needs that! We need to get the stress out of our systems. Sometimes I have a short fuse but I put it out shortly after exploding. I can do this. I'm lucky to be as independent and smart as I am. I can rely on myself. And I don't need anyone. (Sometimes I just don't let that be known) I don't need people. And I know people don't need me.

its funny how things work out. in the end that gut feeling is usually right. and its funny. i feel like having a good laugh.

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