sweet dreamin' tonight [xoxo]

I got to talk to the hubby today :) nice surprise since I usually only get to on the weekends. I almost didn't get to because I figured he wouldn't call so I went to email him on the big computer and left my phone in my room. I would have died if he couldn't pick the phone up when I called. Just the sound of his voice makes everything okay... And when he tells me everything will be okay- it's like I have no worries in the world. Like he took all the weight off my shoulders. He's said the sweetest things to me this whole week. I still can't believe it. He's everything I've ever wanted him to be and he's miles and miles away. I can't wait to be with him again. It'll be like I'm in heaven. (: This is what dreams are supposed to be like! But its my reality! ♥ I love you Mr Patrick Carey!

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Day 21 of SOI ♥♥

Be my shelter from the warmth // my shield of armor in danger // my companion from loneliness // my sense from delusion // my dream from reality // be my everything

Pat has made this so much easier. At first it was rough like boot camp. But he's made it easier just by the things he says. He makes me feel wanted, needed, and loved. For a while before(long before boot camp), I thought I lost all that. I thought he didn't need me. That he didn't need me to survive. I've come to realize that I didn't lose him and it is okay to be dependent without relying on the other person. I still feel like I need him to live but I know I can survive (kinda) on my own. Or at least it's bearable because I know I will see him in the end. So I force myself to be okay with out him. But as soon as he's with me, you better believe my world is revolving around him again =) to a point... ♥

I can't wait to see my babe! I'm gonna hug him like a little girl hugs her favorite stuffed bear and never let go! I miss him like crazy but I'm so excited to see him again. I can't wait. I feel like we start fresh every time we see each other and the little spark of excitement and rush runs through me, all over again. That feeling you get when you've fallen in love... I get to feel that over and over!

43 Dayssss!! Ughhhhh

Pat graduates from SOI on November 5th, that's 43 days away!!!! Seems like a lifetime. I hate waiting. I'm so impatient and I'm running out of motivation to stay happy and not depressed. I'm running out of things to do. I need a hobby or something. A serious hobby, one that will keep my busy, possibly make me money, make me feel good, and one I can actually complete and probably would be easiest to repeat. I have ideas. But no money to get anything started. Nor really the time, like if I wanted to start something I may need a class or two for... I work to much for that.


I miss Pat. It sucks that I only have one paycheck before Columbus Day and he gets a 96. I don't have any money though. I owe Dad and my car will be getting done in the next 2 weeks. And the worst part is, I have the days off then, I totally could come up for like a day or two!!! Knowing it's an off base libo too... that would have been nice. We could have checked out the area since he's probably going to be stationed there. Well, I guess it'll be his one time to party with the guys. I'm SURE that's what they will end up doing. I wonder if he will drink... ??

Ahh! Not going to stress myself about wondering what he's going to do being that I'm not there! He goes every day wondering what I'm doing and if I'm partying and etc. Even though he knows damn well I'm not!


:) I love you Pat.


♥

:) just had the best conversation ever.

I can't even put into words how I feel. I feel amazing :) I feel like I just fell in love all over again. When you can hear and feel the emotion in someone's words, it's very reassuring. Especially when they are miles and miles away from you. I feel so much better now. I don't know why I get so insecure sometimes and let things bother me when I know they aren't true or aren't going to happen! I have a problem of letting what people say get to me. I don't know why I listen to them. I know what my relationship is and what it is based on and everything. Sometimes my thoughts just run wild. I have to remember, girls just want everyone to be miserable like them and bring them down. And are jealous or upset that they don't have what you have. That's why they say the things they do. 

:) Thanks to Audri, Amanda, and Ash. I don't know what I would do without them if they weren't here to help me while Pat's gone. They keep me grounded♥

I love you so much Pat. I can't wait to be in your arms again and have you all to myself:)

"I've Heard you say 'I love you' a thousand times, but never 'I'm sorry'."

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"You're Going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it's always their actions you should judge them by. It's actions, not words, that matter."

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:'(

I'm so sad. I don't want to really get into it, but the more I think about it, the more it leads to other things that bother me. and now I'm really sad and kind of hurt. even though I have people who care, I feel so alone right now. so alone. I just don't know. I don't know if its nothing or if I have the right to be bothered by it. I just don't feel the way I should about the situation. if you made me feel the way I should, we wouldn't have a problem. I would trust you.

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[Day8]

You can keep your Army khaki, 

you can keep your Navy blue, 

I have the world's best fighting man, 

Uncle Sam ever knew. 

His uniform is different, 

the best you've ever seen. 

The German's call him "devil dog" 

his real name's Marine

♥

Day 2 of Pat being in the field. Kinda wish I would have gotten an email or something, but I don't think he took his phone. Which is probably a good thing, he doesn't need to get in trouble and needs to have his full focus on his task at hand. Waiting for Sunday!

Day 7 of SOI ♥

Soooo, I GOT TO TALK TO PAT YESTERDAY!!! Almost all day! It was great; although guys are so loud! Get a bunch of guys together and they are worse than girls! It sounded like a party, a party of all guys haha. I couldn't focus or hear him most of the time, but I'm so happy he had liberty! The night before(Saturday) was really bad. I was so upset and sad and missed him like crazy. When I get like that I think my brain thinks "Jessi, you're never going to see him again" that's why it only creeps up on me every once in a while. I know I will and I know eventually I will talk to him but it overwhelms me and it sucks! Before Sunday, Pat would comment me on fb, saying "I love u babe" or send me short one or two sentence emails (he's still not getting my texts) and although I'm SO grateful for those, its harder compared to getting a 3 page letters with all kinds of detail and such. One day I got a text from him saying "hey babe I love u" and it broke my heart that I knew the text I sent back wouldn't get to his phone! I asked him about that when we talked and he said he's receiving his brothers texts so I think he isn't getting any other cell provider texts besides AT&T... !!! Which doesn't make sense, why would that happen?! UGH. But he's not supposed to be on his phone at all during the week so for right now, I guess it's better that way ?? He ended up having liberty all day yesterday which when I talked to him in the morning he said libo was over at like 215, but whatever I was happy to get phone calls from him alllll afternoon! And then when he got off the phone with me the last time, he texted me after and said to check my email :) but we only emailed for a few minutes. He's in the field this week so I don't think I'll get anything from him till Sunday, hopefully. I love him so much! 


I can't wait to move somewhere we can call our own though. I think I will be even better then. I have heard a few things, but honestly moving out of state, I'd rather live on base. And I don't see how bad it could possibly be. I would feel safer and it would give me more opportunities to meet other wives/girlfriends. And anywhere we move, I won't have family or even friends, so I won't know these new states/towns at all. I think I'd feel more comfortable coming home at night on base than not. I'm looking forward to the moving. I really don't mind it. I embrace new places:) and I don't care about not having 'one, permanent' spot. I know the constant moving, like every other year, is hard for some people. I'm not worried about that though. I already have tons of friends that I've NEVER met and know I always have someone to talk to. The hard part will be leaving my family and Amanda and knowing that they aren't a couple minute drive away. And what if I meet new girls and they don't like the things I like to do! Like the spur of the moment Dunkin trips or walks or adventuring new places. I'm pretty carefree and Amanda and I do a lot. I don't know if any other girls are like that out there! I definitely don't want to be going out to clubs and bars all the time, if ever! I'm kinda over that phase and if I go somewhere like that, I would much rather have Pat with me. I don't want to go with out him. Now sitting around a bonfire and partying at a house is different. I'm okay with that. But I really don't have a desire to really drink. Sometimes it gets me and I think to myself "I really want to get drunk and have a good time" but I know I don't need to.


It's exciting, but some of it is too grown up for me. I don't like taking all the responsibility on myself and frankly I don't want to. I guess that's my immaturity and really, maybe I'm just afraid. Plus I'm stubborn and I feel like Pat doesn't have to do ANYTHING yet he has all the people he needs around him to ask questions. But he won't take the wheel either! And his excuse is, well he's at SOI and they're not supposed to be on their phones and only have Sundays to take care of their stuff so how can he look for apartments or find out the info on base housing, or even send what he needs to, to the Corps??? BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! There's no book to go by, there's not sheet of paper that lists things I need to do, or things I need to send specifically. And not being able to talk to Pat makes it hard. It's going to start to stress me out. I know it already has a little. But it'll get worse if he doesn't take some responsibility and do some of the stuff himself. He literally has all the people to talk to right there in front of him. I, would have to go to Petronio or Fadenholz and they are dumb and probably won't even know. I don't even want to bother with them. Seriously.


Anyways.... :) I'm happy but would be happier if Pat wasn't states away. And I could cuddle with him and sleep with him. I just want his touch and his love!


♥ I love you PFC CAREY

Marine Wife Creed

This is MY Marine.
There are many like him,
but this one is mine.
MY Marine is my best friend.
He is my life.
I must master him,
as I must master my own life.
MY Marine, without me is useless. 
Without MY Marine I'm useless. 
SEMPER FI♥
[I love PFC Carey:)]

All or Nothing [Day1]

[You've got all that I need
Looking at all or nothing
Babe it's you and I
With you I know that
I am good for something
So lets go give it a try
We got our backs against the ocean
It's just us against the world]


Officially today was day 1 of Pat being gone(at SOI-ITB), again. He emailed me this morning (he's not getting my texts so there's no reason for him to really text me unless he doesn't need an answer) It was a really cute message and my heart skipped a beat when I read it. I love when he says sweet things because it always surprises me to read it. I checked my email all day long, knowing he probably wouldn't be replying to my message. I was okay though. Just hoping. A little bit ago he called me :) I almost thought he wouldn't but I've had the phone next to me ALL day waiting lol, but not the bad waiting. Not where I was sick to my stomach and obsessing over it. It was nice to hear his voice. He sounded a little different, maybe excited? Which is understandable, he's in a new place. He was putting his stuff away and said he'd call me back. And when he did he gave me homework!!! Haha... I told him he needed to email me the list of things he needed me to send him (stuff for paperwork) and he also informed me I would need to look into apartments/houses/jobs in NC! I'm gonna be a busy little lady now! I can see the stress already coming. But it's okay. I'll handle it. Or if you know me, I'm a procrastinator... so... I'll probably put it off!!! Haha, its important though if I want to move with him. AND I DO!!!!! I just think it's so hard to find somewhere to live without being able to see the place in person. 


I'm pretty tired but I know there's things I should be doing. Like, laundry, or cleaning up my room and unpacking my bags. I don't feel like it though haha. 


I think I'm going to get ready for bed. I bought some stuff from Wal-Mart and I think I'll organize it first


ilypc90210[1]
Mrs. Jessica Ann Carey  <--- :D I still can't believe it!!!

But it helps me on those lonely nights. It's that one thing that keeps me alive. Knowing that you wait for me. Ever so patiently

Day One:
My babe's on his way to SOI. :'(
[So hard to let him go, but so proud to watch him leave]
I wanted to run after him and not let him go. It's the worst feeling ever. I don't know what to do with myself and I don't feel like doing anything. I just want one more hug and one more kiss. I miss him and it's only been like 3 hours or something. And he's not getting my texts which makes it even worse! I have to email him or FB him, or call him and he doesn't have his voice-mail set up, so there's no point in calling him if he can't pick up. Ugh. I hate saying goodbye. I know I will see him again, eventually, but it sucks having to 'survive' without him until then. I hate not being able to talk to him every day and I hate not waking up next to him. I hate not knowing I'll get to see him after work or knowing I won't be doing anything special with him for how ever long. And then when he does get back, we don't do anything we say we want to do because we'd rather be relaxing, or at least I know he wants to. And then everyone wants to see him so plans get messed up. And there's never enough time for everything.


Every time he leaves, I feel like literally he takes half my heart with him. I'm so sad. I know it will pass in a few days but it sucks. I'm always afraid that when I said good bye, it was the last time I'll ever see him. :'( 


I love you Pat♥ I'll see you soon.


Love,
Mrs. Jessica Ann Carey♥

Breezin down the freeway just me and my baby, in our ride // Just me and my boss no worries at all ♥

Tried out the new design stuff on blogger... but I can't get the date tab above the posts to change from that red to transparent :( ugh.

I have to work at 3 and I know we're going to be BUSY tonight. I'm there till midnight and I'm sure it's going to suck. :(

It's weird saying and thinking I have a 'hubby' or I'm a 'Mrs' :) Still getting used to it.
Hubby didn't get Recruiter's Assistant, kinda sucks. No it really sucks. Because this week has been... I can't even explain. Just not how it should have been and he'll be gone for 2 months? This sucks.

I'm so tired. I want to post all the pics from Parris Island, Fam day, and graduation. But I feel so blah and out of it. I should be jumping off the walls with happiness because he's home and we GOT MARRIED! But I feel like I haven't seen him this week. Like we didn't talk except for the days we were at the cabin. When we get home at night we're so tired we fall asleep immediately, or when we're out there's always people around talking to him. It's like I didn't get any alone time. No time to talk about important things. Or even to just lay and cuddle together. And tomorrow I'm sure will be hell. His mom has some picnic planned and he has to get all his uniforms together and all his stuff and I think say bye to people he didn't get to see.  It's going to be busy and I just want time to stop and us to be ALONE. I don't even care if we talk I just want to BE HELD.

♥
whatev.

Wait for Me (Theory of a Deadman Unofficial Music Video)

Fort Minor - ''Where'd You Go'' Official Music Video HD

♥

I'm married!
My husband's a United States Marine!
Didn't think my wedding day would be like it was.
This week has been hectic and crazy and ... I don't even know.
So much has gone on and its just not how I imagined it or planned it =\

It kind of sucks.