September 13, 2010

Day 7 of SOI ♥

Soooo, I GOT TO TALK TO PAT YESTERDAY!!! Almost all day! It was great; although guys are so loud! Get a bunch of guys together and they are worse than girls! It sounded like a party, a party of all guys haha. I couldn't focus or hear him most of the time, but I'm so happy he had liberty! The night before(Saturday) was really bad. I was so upset and sad and missed him like crazy. When I get like that I think my brain thinks "Jessi, you're never going to see him again" that's why it only creeps up on me every once in a while. I know I will and I know eventually I will talk to him but it overwhelms me and it sucks! Before Sunday, Pat would comment me on fb, saying "I love u babe" or send me short one or two sentence emails (he's still not getting my texts) and although I'm SO grateful for those, its harder compared to getting a 3 page letters with all kinds of detail and such. One day I got a text from him saying "hey babe I love u" and it broke my heart that I knew the text I sent back wouldn't get to his phone! I asked him about that when we talked and he said he's receiving his brothers texts so I think he isn't getting any other cell provider texts besides AT&T... !!! Which doesn't make sense, why would that happen?! UGH. But he's not supposed to be on his phone at all during the week so for right now, I guess it's better that way ?? He ended up having liberty all day yesterday which when I talked to him in the morning he said libo was over at like 215, but whatever I was happy to get phone calls from him alllll afternoon! And then when he got off the phone with me the last time, he texted me after and said to check my email :) but we only emailed for a few minutes. He's in the field this week so I don't think I'll get anything from him till Sunday, hopefully. I love him so much! 

I can't wait to move somewhere we can call our own though. I think I will be even better then. I have heard a few things, but honestly moving out of state, I'd rather live on base. And I don't see how bad it could possibly be. I would feel safer and it would give me more opportunities to meet other wives/girlfriends. And anywhere we move, I won't have family or even friends, so I won't know these new states/towns at all. I think I'd feel more comfortable coming home at night on base than not. I'm looking forward to the moving. I really don't mind it. I embrace new places:) and I don't care about not having 'one, permanent' spot. I know the constant moving, like every other year, is hard for some people. I'm not worried about that though. I already have tons of friends that I've NEVER met and know I always have someone to talk to. The hard part will be leaving my family and Amanda and knowing that they aren't a couple minute drive away. And what if I meet new girls and they don't like the things I like to do! Like the spur of the moment Dunkin trips or walks or adventuring new places. I'm pretty carefree and Amanda and I do a lot. I don't know if any other girls are like that out there! I definitely don't want to be going out to clubs and bars all the time, if ever! I'm kinda over that phase and if I go somewhere like that, I would much rather have Pat with me. I don't want to go with out him. Now sitting around a bonfire and partying at a house is different. I'm okay with that. But I really don't have a desire to really drink. Sometimes it gets me and I think to myself "I really want to get drunk and have a good time" but I know I don't need to.

It's exciting, but some of it is too grown up for me. I don't like taking all the responsibility on myself and frankly I don't want to. I guess that's my immaturity and really, maybe I'm just afraid. Plus I'm stubborn and I feel like Pat doesn't have to do ANYTHING yet he has all the people he needs around him to ask questions. But he won't take the wheel either! And his excuse is, well he's at SOI and they're not supposed to be on their phones and only have Sundays to take care of their stuff so how can he look for apartments or find out the info on base housing, or even send what he needs to, to the Corps??? BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! There's no book to go by, there's not sheet of paper that lists things I need to do, or things I need to send specifically. And not being able to talk to Pat makes it hard. It's going to start to stress me out. I know it already has a little. But it'll get worse if he doesn't take some responsibility and do some of the stuff himself. He literally has all the people to talk to right there in front of him. I, would have to go to Petronio or Fadenholz and they are dumb and probably won't even know. I don't even want to bother with them. Seriously.

Anyways.... :) I'm happy but would be happier if Pat wasn't states away. And I could cuddle with him and sleep with him. I just want his touch and his love!

♥ I love you PFC CAREY

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