Oh no, some problems have surfaced...

Ok, first:

I have to stay up late so I can sleep most of tomorrow. I'm driving over night to NC. Well I didn't take a nap because I wouldn't have woken up in the middle of the night to stay up. I normally don't stay up too late. Like maybe 2am somedays. I know I'm getting old. It's not like it was before when I could. So, I've been up since like noon. I'm doing pretty good. I caught a second wind and am okay at the moment(its 3:13am) But I don't know how much longer I can stay awake. Obviously I'm on the computer right now, but I'm running out of things to do and I know if I go lay on my bed and try to watch a movie, I'm probably going to fall asleep. I think I want to be up around 5pm today but I don't know if I'll be able to sleep that long.

Second:

Mom apparently told my sister, Ash, that she isn't driving with me and Amanda. Okay... well she never told me! And now she's not home, who knows where she is at this hour, and she didn't answer my text. I know she works till 5pm today so really she couldn't drive too much at night, she may be tired. Well, Amanda probably isn't going to come either! She needed to make $150 before the trip to ensure she had money to pay a bill and so it was okay that she was going to miss a couple days of work. (She does hair) Well she hasn't made that $150. She's going to see what happens today, but even if she makes it/got it, she would probably be tired too so would be there for moral support as I drove. (Which is fine) Hopefully she can come up with the money. Also, I sent Ash a text and asked her if she would want to come with me. She won't get it until the morning though and she can't drive at night because she has an eye disease and I don't trust her driving anyway:) But once again, for moral support as I drive, it would be nice to have her. ((I've never driven more than 3 hours at a time and that's just joy riding me and Amanda do at night when we go vent. I've also never been on a trip by myself)) That's why someone coming with me actually matters. Also my Dad, who travels A LOT, knows the way down there very well, like the back of his hand, stressed me out because when he asked me when I was leaving he was like "You're driving at night?!" He knows I don't pay attention to when he drives(we've gone to Florida a million times and he drove to Parris Island for boot camp grad) and there's no other way I would be going -- so he was like you better be careful, the hills/turns in West Virginia and Virginia can be dangerous at night and slippery. And having the heat on may make me drowsy and blahblahblah... stressed me out even more and I didn't tell him I was probably now, going by myself.

Third:

Umm... if I drive by myself, I will probably stop and sleep. What if I don't make it in time for Pat's 30 minute libo?! Then what if he checks into his unit and isn't released?! What if he can't leave base on Saturday or Sunday either?! I drove 12 hours really for nothing, because frankly I will be too upset to spend Saturday driving around Jacksonville, looking at houses/apartments, and getting to know the area... when all I really want to do is just see him. Ughhh.... but then if I don't go and Pat gets released, he will be super PISSED. I know he would tell me to come regardless. Not coming isn't even an option. But what if, from some act of God, he got his ten days right after he checks in? Then I could have stayed here, he could fly home, get our stuff, and then go down and find a place. Or something like that. A little heads-up would have been nice Marine Corps. Just a little. Like "no you won't get your ten days for at least 2 weeks". That's all I would have asked for! But now it's too late. 

This is some shit.

And it's supposed to snow up here this weekend. Sweet.

since I met you, I feel perfect in every way♥

Leaving tomorrow to drive to North Carolina!! Excited but very nervous. We're driving over night to save a day in a hotel. Pat and I decided to do it this way because we don't know what's going to happen, money-wise, when we find a house and move in. So I'm skipping fam day and the 4 hours I would get to be with him and leaving tomorrow night to arrive Friday morning on base. Which now we'll probably be there for graduation which we were just planning on getting there just for the 30 minutes he gets after the ceremonies over. I'm not sure if I'll be able to stay awake during the ceremony. I know it's only a half hour long, but I don't even know how I'm going to drive for a good part of 12 hours! And then only get 30 minutes to see him!! Ughhh... the SOI-East website claims they get 4 hours of libo after graduation, but weeks ago Pat said it was only 30 minutes. So stupid. So after the 30 minutes, he'll go immediately check into his unit and I'll be crossing my fingers (and probably falling asleep) that he'll call with good news. Will they release him for the weekend? Will they give him his 10 days to move right then? Will I have to wait a month to move down to NC? We won't know until after he checks into the unit. And if all that doesn't happen, then I drove 12 hours to see him for 30 minutes and there's no point in looking at houses on Saturday, because most likely he wouldn't be able to move in for at least, a week or two. 


It's very stressful. I wish everything wasn't last minute info. It's hard to plan when it's this way. If he doesn't get 10 days soon, I couldn't even go back to work because she posts the schedule 4 weeks ahead. I'd have to wait four weeks to work. But if I didn't take myself off the schedule, and we did move immediately, technically that's calling off and I could have been pointed out and "fired". She would have had to cover allll my shifts. So what was the best thing to do? I have no idea.


I hope it all works out. We need to move immediately more because (I want to be with him) but seriously because I need to find a job down there so I can stay afloat on my bills. Even if its part time, I still can survive, as far as making payments. (I wouldn't have any extra money) But with the way credit cards are changing now, I recently got screwed and one of the minimum payments went up drastically from what it was. Out of the blue. And the more higher minimums I have a month, is what is killing me. I think I have a total of 5 or 6 more than $50 minimums a month. Of course 3 of those are car insurance, college loan, and cell phone. But the extra 2 or 3 KILL MEEEE. Why did they have to do that?! I never paid late or went over the limit either. So I'm not sure why it just changed. Blah.


I wish I was debt free, AGAIN. Yes this is my second time of getting myself in debt. Not all my fault though, but could kick my own ass. 


Word to the wise, DON'T USE CREDIT CARDS if you DON'T have the money RIGHT THEN to PAY IT OFF when the statement comes. If I had followed that rule, I would be FINEEEE.


I have to stay up all night so I can sleep all day tomorrow and wake up around 5pm to get ready for the drive. Not sure if that's going to happen, wish me luck ;\


Love my Babe♥

Almost done with SOI!

We're so close! This time next week I'll be waking up soon to start our drive over night to NC. Amanda (my best friend) will be coming with me and it'll be our first long roadtrip together! I'm so excited. I can't wait to see Pat. I know I'm going to cry. And I know he'll say 'dont cry' and I'll say 'but I'm so happy to see you!' We go through this everytime. :) It sucks missing him but I'm glad I have someone like him to miss. He completes my world and there's so much I love about him. He reminds me how good my life is and how thankful I am that God put us together. I can't wait to move into our own place and spend time together like we used to before boot camp. It seems like its been forever since we've just hung out. The ten days after boot were nothing. We were too busy and too tired. We haven't even been able to "be married".

We've found a handful of houses and condos to check out when we get to NC. And we'll drive around the neighborhoods to get a feel for the area. Then from what everyone's told him, he'll most likely, but possibly not, get the ten days for moving. So I guess we'll come home after the weekend and go from there.

It's very exciting but very stressful. After the last two months, I just want to see and be with my babe. I could care less if we had to live in our car just to be together. All the excitement of moving and where to has worn off. I just want to he in his arms where I belong.

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Day 21 of SOI ♥♥

Be my shelter from the warmth // my shield of armor in danger // my companion from loneliness // my sense from delusion // my dream from reality // be my everything

Pat has made this so much easier. At first it was rough like boot camp. But he's made it easier just by the things he says. He makes me feel wanted, needed, and loved. For a while before(long before boot camp), I thought I lost all that. I thought he didn't need me. That he didn't need me to survive. I've come to realize that I didn't lose him and it is okay to be dependent without relying on the other person. I still feel like I need him to live but I know I can survive (kinda) on my own. Or at least it's bearable because I know I will see him in the end. So I force myself to be okay with out him. But as soon as he's with me, you better believe my world is revolving around him again =) to a point... ♥

I can't wait to see my babe! I'm gonna hug him like a little girl hugs her favorite stuffed bear and never let go! I miss him like crazy but I'm so excited to see him again. I can't wait. I feel like we start fresh every time we see each other and the little spark of excitement and rush runs through me, all over again. That feeling you get when you've fallen in love... I get to feel that over and over!

43 Dayssss!! Ughhhhh

Pat graduates from SOI on November 5th, that's 43 days away!!!! Seems like a lifetime. I hate waiting. I'm so impatient and I'm running out of motivation to stay happy and not depressed. I'm running out of things to do. I need a hobby or something. A serious hobby, one that will keep my busy, possibly make me money, make me feel good, and one I can actually complete and probably would be easiest to repeat. I have ideas. But no money to get anything started. Nor really the time, like if I wanted to start something I may need a class or two for... I work to much for that.


I miss Pat. It sucks that I only have one paycheck before Columbus Day and he gets a 96. I don't have any money though. I owe Dad and my car will be getting done in the next 2 weeks. And the worst part is, I have the days off then, I totally could come up for like a day or two!!! Knowing it's an off base libo too... that would have been nice. We could have checked out the area since he's probably going to be stationed there. Well, I guess it'll be his one time to party with the guys. I'm SURE that's what they will end up doing. I wonder if he will drink... ??

Ahh! Not going to stress myself about wondering what he's going to do being that I'm not there! He goes every day wondering what I'm doing and if I'm partying and etc. Even though he knows damn well I'm not!


:) I love you Pat.


♥

Day 7 of SOI ♥

Soooo, I GOT TO TALK TO PAT YESTERDAY!!! Almost all day! It was great; although guys are so loud! Get a bunch of guys together and they are worse than girls! It sounded like a party, a party of all guys haha. I couldn't focus or hear him most of the time, but I'm so happy he had liberty! The night before(Saturday) was really bad. I was so upset and sad and missed him like crazy. When I get like that I think my brain thinks "Jessi, you're never going to see him again" that's why it only creeps up on me every once in a while. I know I will and I know eventually I will talk to him but it overwhelms me and it sucks! Before Sunday, Pat would comment me on fb, saying "I love u babe" or send me short one or two sentence emails (he's still not getting my texts) and although I'm SO grateful for those, its harder compared to getting a 3 page letters with all kinds of detail and such. One day I got a text from him saying "hey babe I love u" and it broke my heart that I knew the text I sent back wouldn't get to his phone! I asked him about that when we talked and he said he's receiving his brothers texts so I think he isn't getting any other cell provider texts besides AT&T... !!! Which doesn't make sense, why would that happen?! UGH. But he's not supposed to be on his phone at all during the week so for right now, I guess it's better that way ?? He ended up having liberty all day yesterday which when I talked to him in the morning he said libo was over at like 215, but whatever I was happy to get phone calls from him alllll afternoon! And then when he got off the phone with me the last time, he texted me after and said to check my email :) but we only emailed for a few minutes. He's in the field this week so I don't think I'll get anything from him till Sunday, hopefully. I love him so much! 


I can't wait to move somewhere we can call our own though. I think I will be even better then. I have heard a few things, but honestly moving out of state, I'd rather live on base. And I don't see how bad it could possibly be. I would feel safer and it would give me more opportunities to meet other wives/girlfriends. And anywhere we move, I won't have family or even friends, so I won't know these new states/towns at all. I think I'd feel more comfortable coming home at night on base than not. I'm looking forward to the moving. I really don't mind it. I embrace new places:) and I don't care about not having 'one, permanent' spot. I know the constant moving, like every other year, is hard for some people. I'm not worried about that though. I already have tons of friends that I've NEVER met and know I always have someone to talk to. The hard part will be leaving my family and Amanda and knowing that they aren't a couple minute drive away. And what if I meet new girls and they don't like the things I like to do! Like the spur of the moment Dunkin trips or walks or adventuring new places. I'm pretty carefree and Amanda and I do a lot. I don't know if any other girls are like that out there! I definitely don't want to be going out to clubs and bars all the time, if ever! I'm kinda over that phase and if I go somewhere like that, I would much rather have Pat with me. I don't want to go with out him. Now sitting around a bonfire and partying at a house is different. I'm okay with that. But I really don't have a desire to really drink. Sometimes it gets me and I think to myself "I really want to get drunk and have a good time" but I know I don't need to.


It's exciting, but some of it is too grown up for me. I don't like taking all the responsibility on myself and frankly I don't want to. I guess that's my immaturity and really, maybe I'm just afraid. Plus I'm stubborn and I feel like Pat doesn't have to do ANYTHING yet he has all the people he needs around him to ask questions. But he won't take the wheel either! And his excuse is, well he's at SOI and they're not supposed to be on their phones and only have Sundays to take care of their stuff so how can he look for apartments or find out the info on base housing, or even send what he needs to, to the Corps??? BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! There's no book to go by, there's not sheet of paper that lists things I need to do, or things I need to send specifically. And not being able to talk to Pat makes it hard. It's going to start to stress me out. I know it already has a little. But it'll get worse if he doesn't take some responsibility and do some of the stuff himself. He literally has all the people to talk to right there in front of him. I, would have to go to Petronio or Fadenholz and they are dumb and probably won't even know. I don't even want to bother with them. Seriously.


Anyways.... :) I'm happy but would be happier if Pat wasn't states away. And I could cuddle with him and sleep with him. I just want his touch and his love!


♥ I love you PFC CAREY

All or Nothing [Day1]

[You've got all that I need
Looking at all or nothing
Babe it's you and I
With you I know that
I am good for something
So lets go give it a try
We got our backs against the ocean
It's just us against the world]


Officially today was day 1 of Pat being gone(at SOI-ITB), again. He emailed me this morning (he's not getting my texts so there's no reason for him to really text me unless he doesn't need an answer) It was a really cute message and my heart skipped a beat when I read it. I love when he says sweet things because it always surprises me to read it. I checked my email all day long, knowing he probably wouldn't be replying to my message. I was okay though. Just hoping. A little bit ago he called me :) I almost thought he wouldn't but I've had the phone next to me ALL day waiting lol, but not the bad waiting. Not where I was sick to my stomach and obsessing over it. It was nice to hear his voice. He sounded a little different, maybe excited? Which is understandable, he's in a new place. He was putting his stuff away and said he'd call me back. And when he did he gave me homework!!! Haha... I told him he needed to email me the list of things he needed me to send him (stuff for paperwork) and he also informed me I would need to look into apartments/houses/jobs in NC! I'm gonna be a busy little lady now! I can see the stress already coming. But it's okay. I'll handle it. Or if you know me, I'm a procrastinator... so... I'll probably put it off!!! Haha, its important though if I want to move with him. AND I DO!!!!! I just think it's so hard to find somewhere to live without being able to see the place in person. 


I'm pretty tired but I know there's things I should be doing. Like, laundry, or cleaning up my room and unpacking my bags. I don't feel like it though haha. 


I think I'm going to get ready for bed. I bought some stuff from Wal-Mart and I think I'll organize it first


ilypc90210[1]
Mrs. Jessica Ann Carey  <--- :D I still can't believe it!!!

But it helps me on those lonely nights. It's that one thing that keeps me alive. Knowing that you wait for me. Ever so patiently

Day One:
My babe's on his way to SOI. :'(
[So hard to let him go, but so proud to watch him leave]
I wanted to run after him and not let him go. It's the worst feeling ever. I don't know what to do with myself and I don't feel like doing anything. I just want one more hug and one more kiss. I miss him and it's only been like 3 hours or something. And he's not getting my texts which makes it even worse! I have to email him or FB him, or call him and he doesn't have his voice-mail set up, so there's no point in calling him if he can't pick up. Ugh. I hate saying goodbye. I know I will see him again, eventually, but it sucks having to 'survive' without him until then. I hate not being able to talk to him every day and I hate not waking up next to him. I hate not knowing I'll get to see him after work or knowing I won't be doing anything special with him for how ever long. And then when he does get back, we don't do anything we say we want to do because we'd rather be relaxing, or at least I know he wants to. And then everyone wants to see him so plans get messed up. And there's never enough time for everything.


Every time he leaves, I feel like literally he takes half my heart with him. I'm so sad. I know it will pass in a few days but it sucks. I'm always afraid that when I said good bye, it was the last time I'll ever see him. :'( 


I love you Pat♥ I'll see you soon.


Love,
Mrs. Jessica Ann Carey♥

Day 18 [LettersOfLove]

:) I'm happy today. Got another letter from Pat and he said he would also write me every day!! I'm so happy to know that. He says he "expects" me to write every day to or he'll be pissed lol... he's missing some of my letters and I think that's why he thinks I'm not writing a lot. He also said... something about this little thing... called...

MARRIAGE!!!!
=)=)=)=)

He says he wants to when he gets home and then I can come to Camp Leguene(sp?) with him after SOI!! Aghhh!! I told him I want it to be a surprise still... so he can't openly talk about it or 'plans' =) He said he was going to ask for recruiter's assistant also so he could stay for a month.

I'm sooo happy!!! I love my baby!

I'm running really late and have to work in a little so I'll update more tomorrow!

♥yous!