January 29, 2009

Euphoric Fluff

I finished reading Hannibal by Thomas Harris. He is a very good writer. He writes simple, detailed, and knowledgeable. After I finished reading it, I decided to order Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal from Columbia House. They finally came today and guess what I'm doing! Watching them right now. I know, pathetic. I've just been in the mood for serious type movies. I'm not really in a depressed mood or anything, but comedies just wouldn't hit the spot right now. I've been more irritated and pissed off then I have been, though. I don't know what it is. Anxiety again? PMS? Its not as bad as I explained a few blogs ago, but I am irritated. I think its just people in general. Well, people I know that are the problem. I can't understand them and why they do the things they do. And I don't know how to ask the person what's wrong. And now the things that happened today, make more sense. So I know something's up.

And it kinda hurts. We're supposed to friends. I've gone to her with my problems, consoled in her. She's done the same to me. I DO consider her a friend. I have for the past few years. And now, its like we can talk but not hang out? ... And its only really talking at work... ? What kind of fucking friendship is that? That's what pisses me off. She blew off my questions about hanging out but acted COMPLETELY NORMAL. I really wouldn't have known anything was up until I realized she was acting weird about hanging out outside of work, today. (Yet last week she said something about getting food) ... ??? I DON'T GET IT. Other than acting weird about those questions, everything's the same. And I was asking today because her birthday is in a couple weeks and I would like to go to lunch or something with her. I asked her if she wanted to get a drink one day and she didn't really answer and then had to go do something else. And she wouldn't say what she was doing for her bday, but said she was going out. And its like she's always going out with other friends... I don't know its so fucked up! And I don't like being given the run around. And I sure as fuck will not keep that kind of friendship. That does not show me you care about me and are there for my company or appreciate what I do for you. That's like just being an acquaintance with someone at work. ONLY talking to them there, asking questions that sound like your being just nosey or just asking to make convo. NO. We've been friends 'officially' for about 3 years. We've hung out outside of work and been a number of different places together. We went on a trip together for my birthday! I don't want to lose a friendship over something stupid. And nothing has happened to make our friendship change. So what is it? Is it a stupid rule? Does she not trust me? I'm pissed.

It seems like everyone is out for themselves and you just can't trust people. So called friends. Yea, right.

I'm going to watch the rest of my movie and sip on my steamer (So Good!)

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