April 12, 2008

A new day of darkness.

Picture waking every morning in blackness. Seeing only light dancing behind a closed curtain. Your sight has failed you and you must rely on your other senses. Using your hands you feel every thing that is normal to you, you hear every thing that you hear every day, but you can't see any of it. Navigating through the house, at first, seemed hazardous but then I realized I've lived here for 21 years. I know every inch of this place. I know where everything is positioned. I skated through with no problem. Only using lights that were on in different rooms to judge where I was, and the sound of tv's and the distance they were away. Even riding in the car, I could tell what roads we were on and how far away until the next turn. Occasionally I'd get lost and then realize a sudden bend and be back on track.

You're probably thinking I went blind. We'll luckily that's not the case. I have horrific scratches on my left cornea. The pain is so unbearable that I can't open my eye lid. The scratches also caused my eyesight to go hazy and cloudy so I couldn't see through it even if it didn't hurt. Because of the stress on my right eye, that one too, doesn't want to open. Besides, anyone who knows me, knows with out glasses or contacts, I can not see anything. Anything. Until I saw my eye specialist, I was blind. Light hurt my eye and I had a patch over the left one for about a day. My good eye, was pretty much useless so naturally I walked around all day with both closed.

It was weird not being able to see. At times I was frustrated and angry. And I couldn't scratch or rub my eye, so the pain was horrible! And the anxiety of not being able to touch it when it itched, sucked. I don't wish blindness on anyone. I realized how bad it sucks. I had to use people to guide me through rooms and to read things for me. When I talked, since I couldn't see if they were looking at me, I felt like they weren't listening. Ya know? How would I actually know if they were paying attention? Even though my "blind episode" only last for about 2 days, I think I realized my other senses were stronger. Everything was louder than normal or different sounds punctuated more in my ears. My nose was all clogged up from crying and sniffling so my sense of smell sucked. And as far as touch, I touched everything in front of me. So I got very good use out of that! I learned that the eye heals very quickly, and I'm doing much better. Later in the day I was able to keep my left eye open without it tearing up and closing. It still itches and throbs. And every three hours I have to put drops in. I have to sleep with ointment in it so the eyelid pretty much glues shut. I go to the doctor's on Monday and hopefully he doesn't tell me any bad news.

And I'm buying glasses. Screw contacts! They are most likely what caused the bad scratches. The hott ER doctor told me they were the worst he's EVER seen. My advice to you: Be careful with contacts! They're suppose to help your sight, but they can ruin it, too!!!

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