Day 78 [Getting so close!]

How ironic is that, I decided to post exactly 10 days after the last one ;) Maybe 8's my number, or 10?! Lol...


I have been super busy. Which is a good thing. It keeps my mind running and not being depressed. I think that's why I'm not sure where July went!! I really, honestly can not say what I did in the month of July, that is how fast it went. Weird, huh? I remember it being rough sometimes, but honestly it's really like we just skipped the whole month all together! Now these last 8 days... ya they're dragging just a little bit. Nothing to bad, just every once in a while, during the day-- I'm like "Okay, come'on, let's move on. Let the sun go down" lol... I have been a little bothered by something else too. And I don't know what to make of it. I don't know if it's bad or good, or what. I feel like I need to and I want to definitely, cry sometimes. And I can't. Like I literally can not cry. And I feel like it's a horrible thing. I think of Pat and how much I miss him and how I need him, and the tears shouldn't come like they should or like they would have a month ago. Is that bad? I'm always afraid of "forgetting" about Pat. Like waking up one day and totally forgetting the idea of him and everything he is. I feel like its a bad thing I can't cry right now. But maybe it's because I know I'll see him soon ???? I DON'T KNOW! But the worst part is, I don't cry when I read his letters over! I might get teary-eyed, but I don't BALL like I was before. ????? It's frustrating. I just don't know what it means.


Anyway, I've been working a lot. And trying to work on the scrap book. I'm going to take some pics and post them on here. I know I don't get ANY traffic to this site, but eventually maybe I'll get some USMC gals and they'll appreciate the stuff I post. LOL.


I've been hanging with my bestest, Amanda lately. It's been great. Really what I needed and I missed her. We used to be inseparable and then I guess, life happened! LOL, she went to cosmetology school and was working and I was working and dealing with Pat and we just lost touch. But now we're back together and even thinking about getting a place together! I want to move with Pat so BAD because I hate being away from him, but if I had to wait until he was done with schooling and stuff, I would totally move in with Amanda. It would be awesome. Honestly, it probably should have happened a long time ago!! 


=) I'm writing Pat's last letter today I think. That will give him a letter on Monday, or the latest Tuesday, before we see him on Fam Day. He starts the Crucible at 3am tonight/next morning. I'm praying for him. I want him to do great. I don't think he'll give up. He's not that type. But I don't want him to get hurt if he's pushing himself harder than he should. I'm scared. Yes, the Crucible scares me a little. They expect 1-2 casualties every Crucible, what if Pat's that one... I would die. I think he would die. It would be horrible.


I don't mean to cut this short, but when I don't post for days, I tend to ramble in one big post. And then nobody would read it even if I did get traffic =) I have to take a shower though. 


----If any of you girls are going through the Marine Corps stuff, feel free to contact me
jubie2o@gmail.com
I know I'm only at the beginning of our Marine Corps journey, but I have learned A LOT already about the Corps and I want to help other girls. =)----


I love my hero♥

Sean Kingston - I'm At War

[Chorus]:
(I'm at war)
Fightin' for the one that I love and the one that I truly need
(I'm at war)
Shawty I take a bullet for you girl cause you mean the world to me
(I'm at war)

[Sean Kingston]:
Me love you girl, you lovin' me
So dont fight together cause it was meant to be
Me feel like, I'm in the army
Cause to be with you, thats where my heart wanna be
It's like I'm about to die just to get with you
Feel like youre putting me through World War II
Got my soldier suit and my Timberland boots
Girl I'm down for whatever cause my love is true
(So I tell her) I'm at war with the love of my life
Sweat from my brows running down to my eyes
Everything you are is what I need in my life (My life, my life)

[Chorus]:
(I'm at war)
Fightin' for the one that I love and the one that I truly need
(I'm at war)
Shawty I take a bullet for you girl cause you mean the world to me
(I'm at war)

(At war, at war, at war, at war, at war. I'm at war)
(At war, at war, at war, at war, at war. I'm at war)

[Lil Wayne]:
Salute to all the veterans
And girl your love's like a nuclear weapon
I'm a five star purple hearter purple sparker camoflauger
Follow my every command and order
You can just call me Captain Carter
So let the missiles rain on your parade
Cause my love is a soldier and my heart is a grenade
(kabloom!)
I'll bomb any platoon, just call me World War Tune

[Chorus]:
(I'm at war)
Fightinn' for the one that I love and the one that I truly need
(I'm at war)
Shawty I take a bullet for you girl cause you mean the world to me
(I'm at war)

[Sean Kingston]:
Your mother said, don't talk to me (No!)
But it went through those ears girl, as I can see
So make me know whats your fantasies
Cause baby girl I think that stands to me
I'm on the front line and Im risking my life
I'll make a sacrifice just to have you by my side
Youre the one I love, youre the one I trust
I'll hurt someone that come between us
(So I tell her) I'm at war with the love of my life
Sweat from my brows running down to my eyes
Everything you are is what I need in my life (My life, my life)

[Chorus]:
(I'm at war)
Fightin' for the one that I love and the one that I truly need
(I'm at war)
Shawty I take a bullet for you girl cause you mean the world to me
(I'm at war)

Chaos

There are not enough words in the dictionary to describe what I am going through inside. These past weeks have been hell and now I come to realize that its been going on for years. There's so much I didn't know and I thought we were good at communicating. So much has been damaged and I don't know if it will ever be right. I have no reassurance and its frustrating. I don't know if it will be okay. I feel like I'm losing my soulmate. My best friend. My only true friend. I can't live my life without him. I'm not prepared to nor do I want to. But nothing seems right. Now we have trust issues and more problems then I think we had before! I don't get it. Love isn't suppose to hurt.

I just want someone to fight for me to stay too.