December 29, 2010

countless nights

On countless nights I lay awake crying.
I rub your head, trying to never forget the way your hair feels against my skin.
Memorizing the shape of your lips and how long your eyelashs are
Trying to burn the image of you in my mind forever.
I never want to forget you.

As I lay awake thinking of all the memories we've shared,
I try to match your breathing and slow my heart beat down to yours.

I wonder what you're dreaming of.
I try to decipher every grunt you make and wonder what battle you're fighting tonight.
When you kick your legs and turn over, I wonder who you were running from.

I wonder if I fall asleep,
if I could save you in my dream.
As I lay awake crying
I hope you'll wake and wipe my tears as they fall.

As I lay awake watching you sleep,
I think of how much I don't want you to leave
Wishing I could tell you.
As I lay awake thinking of what you're going to go through,
I know you're laying next to me safe.
You're here with me now and that's all that matters.

As I lay awake crying I think if you're going there to fight for me? And if you're going to come back like you promise?

As I lay awake I eventually wipe my tears and know I have another day with you.

If I could give you anything
I would give you my heart to wear around your neck like I would wear your dog tags around mine.

If I could fight for you,
Like you fight for me
I would.

But I do, every night.
Every night as I lay awake and pray that I am so thankful to have someone to miss so much.
Someone I will always wait for until they come back home.

I lay awake knowing I'm putting up a good fight
And I'm strong enough
My love for you could never fail
As I lay awake
Know I'll be laying here every day
Waiting while you're gone
-J.A.C.
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