Time to start a new countdown.

This one I can't post but you better believe I've got it in every calendar I own and the app on my phone! 


Pat made it to Afghanistan safely. He's absolutely miserable and is sick. He sounds exhausted, cranky, and "not there". I feel bad because I know his spirits are broke. And it's hard to stay positive when you feel like death. And he's already heard some bad news about a brother from a different unit. I think he knew him but I'm not sure. But of course that isn't what you want to hear. Especially this early into it. 
I asked him if he was taking pictures for me! He says it's the worst place on earth and there's nothing but sand and weird bugs. Where he's at there are no plants, mountains or anything. I told him to take pictures anyway. I want to travel the world too and right now only he is able to so he can take a few pics for me ;)
I hope he realizes the easiest thing to do it just make the best of his situation. I understand the water is near boiling temperature. And no, Pat would not lie about that, so when you read that there is "cool" water, it's definitely not where wpns company is! He said he can't/won't use the internet because it's NOT free. Like $10 a day I think he said. I told him it is NOT worth it and we'll stick to phone calls for now. The calling card he was given by the USO, he can't use. He could only use ATT calling cards. Also they told us where they are going is a safe area but they will be doing a 'historical' push if they succeed. I've already heard from units near there that, that is not the truth. I get trying to ease our minds but how about just not saying anything, instead of lying. I told Pat and he told me not to listen to anything they say on the facebook page and don't even bother with it. 


Which I'm about to do exactly that. I'm so tired of everyone on there. Most all of the 300some members. And I want to tell them all to just shut the hell up.


I'm so annoyed.


And I miss Pat. And the end of the year is SOOOOO far awayyyyyyyy y y y y y   y   y     y      y          y   


And he better come home safe and in one piece. He knows I will kick his butt if he doesn't.


Love you baby.


♥Jessi[31.1.15.43.59]

Day 35 [No mail two days in a row]

It really sucks that there's no mail today (because of the 4th) Maybe tomorrow I'll have 2 letters! Hopefully, I think I would cry if I had to wait till Wednesday for letters! I doubt the guys did anything special for the 4th, maybe extra pt, who knows! But it was a Sunday so maybe they took it easy on them. 

I watched some of Jarhead last night when I went to bed. I want to watch it with Pat when he gets home. I think I'm going to watch it tonight when I get off work. 
I wonder if the UPS and FedEx guys are off today... it would be really cool if I got some of my stuff in the mail today! I think I ordered from 3 different store. Sears, Best Buy, annnddd.... Victoria's Secret. Not having a car sucks and sometimes I find it easier to buy clothes online, even though I can't see them in person. But sometimes I get so frustrated and pissed when I'm in a store and can't find anyyyttthinnng! 
I was thinking about finding a different dress for the graduation then the one I got from Gap. I don't know, I'm not in love with the way it looks on me. 


Wet Seal has these really cute military styled dresses. The blue one also comes in an off-white and has like tie/bow in the back. It also looks like a thicker material. The green one I think is stretch and plain in the back. I think they are really cute. The green one comes in red too (not a bright red). I think I might buy the green one. I wonder how short they are though. Sometimes Wet Seal's dresses and skirts are sooo short. And I don't want to be worried the whole day that my ass is hanging out!
Its so hot in the house. These next three days are supposed to be in the 90s and feels like it today =\ Mom and Dad should put the air on. For sure. I'm gonna go and try to do some stuff


♥ Peace

Day 12 [I ♥ Pat Carey!]

No letter today :\ Maybe next week.
Last night was rough but the days are getting a little easier.
He's still all I think about, all day long.

Might have some girls over tonight for a bonfire.
Mom and Ash come home from Florida tomorrow.
Shadow's been sleeping in my room with me. That little furball♥

I'm in the sunken gathering room. On the computer. With The Little Mermaid playing
in the background. I'm such a kid.
I'm tired.
Its really hot today. And the air isn't on in the house yet.
But it needs to be today. The fans just aren't doing it.

I miss my babe.
♥you
-Jessi

Day 5/88... I think I counted wrong.

I'm pretty sure Pat will be gone longer than 88 days. Idk... he said his graduation would be tentatively August 27th. --- Oh, maybe I didn't... either way it feels like it has already been a MONTH! I don't know what I'm going to do when he comes home for 10 days and then has to leave for mct or itb or what ever it is. Even if I can talk to him then, it doesn't matter- I want to be with him.

Its been storming and raining the last few days, and today. And I don't care. Its how I feel. I could care less if it rained all summer. Nothing really matters to me when Pat's not around. I can't stop thinking about him. This sucks. Wow, I sound depressed. I'm surprised I haven't started drinking every night. And I'm really contemplating buying a pack of cigarettes. Half my brain wants me to and the other half says 'Jes, you know you don't want to smoke'. Which is true. I don't. But I do so bad. Maybe I'll buy a BlackandMild. That might curb this need.

I need to do some grocery shopping, so I stop eating at work. I've lost 4 pounds this week. I know I shouldn't be doing it the way I am, but I'm not really hungry. Plus I was waking up only 3 hours before work, so I wasn't hungry enough to eat breakfast. But I ate a meal at work on break and then wouldn't eat anything when I got home. I just have to watch how many energy drinks I consume... I feel like I need them at work and I've been buying the big can of Rockstar because the price is really good. But I have lost weight and that's what matters. I just have to find time and motivation to workout again. I was thinking about going to the BikeTrail today, but its raining now. Maybe I'll do the treadmill or elliptical. Maybe I'll go to the Y. I don't know. I just want to talk Pat. I just want to hear his voice...

I went on a small shopping spree online today. Usually that helps my mood, but it didn't seem to. I didn't feel happy about it. And I didn't buy anything I felt like I really needed. [I did need sandals, and got one pair] I feel gross and disgusting and just blah. I want to look good for Pat when he gets home but I feel so out of it that it depresses me even more when I think about it! Its a horrible, vicious cycle. I don't even feel like reading and usually when I'm dealing with something bad, I consume myself in a book. And I really just have no desire to do that either. Idk... I'll make it through this. I'm looking forward to Pat's first letter. I hope he hasn't changed too much from this past week.

i♥youPat.

p.s. i was creeping on fb and one of the kids pat knows that is out of bootcamp is getting ready to go to Okinawa, Japan... for 2 years. I got kind of scared.... that makes me nervous because the last Pat said, he thought even if we were married I can't go over seas with him unless he was a sergeant. And I couldn't go that long without being with him, especially if we are married. I would and will always wait for Pat, but he might not realise what this is actually doing to me. I feel sick and I don't know what can happen... :(

Day 2 of 88 [God places the heaviest burden on those who can carry its weight]

Its raining. And its exactly how I feel. I don't want to do anything, I just want to lay down. All day. I'm doing better today then yesterday- not as emotional! I miss him so much. Mrs. C sent me a text last night(I was at work) when she got the last phone call. He was yelling off of a script and she didn't have time to say anything. She said it sounded horrible and made her sick. She's afraid of the hell he will being going through. As much as I wanted the last phone call... maybe it was better she got it. I don't know if I could have handled it. I wrote him a letter last night too. I'll send it as soon as he writes me. I hope and pray he does great down there and I hope he's careful not to get hurt. I want him to be done on time. I can't stand being away from him. I have to work today. I don't really feel like it, but I know it will keep me sane.

I got the room cleaned up a lot this morning. Its a lot nicer now that its not cluttered. I still have things to go through, though. I alphabetized my dvd collection also. Then stood in front of all of them(which is A LOT) for ten minutes and was like "wow, I don't want to watch any of these". :( I also weighed myself. I had lost a few pounds the last couple of days. Haven't really been eating or drinking much. My weight is: 221. I've gained 40 pounds since the beginning of the year :\ My goal: to lose as much as I can! I'm just going to go for it and do what I can. I need to start going to the Y, but since I normally work till midnight, I don't get up until 11 or noon... and its hard to go to the Y before I have to be back at work. I'll make it work though.

I love you Pat.
♥ Jessi

Car Shopping!

So, I still am looking for a car! Its been forever, or at least it feels that way. I'm having no luck at all. There's nothing out there. Nothing worth buying and nothing good enough to buy. Thanks Cash for Clunkers. YOU SCREWED ME! And not to mention, car values went up. Went up a lot since last February when I bought my Bravada. I was given about $3000 more than what I paid for my Bravada. Yea, I made out nicely, but try finding a good vehicle with low/decent mileage, that isn't a piece of crap, that is WORTH keeping for more than 2 years... chyea. Okay. Its really frustrating. Although, a few times we have came across some REALLY good finds... but they were so good, unheard of good, that they were sold before we could even look at them or my mother got involved. Yes, my mother. She doesn't understand the car economy right now. Which its not like she searches online for cars all day long! So she has know information, but she won't listen to Pat and believe that he actually KNOWS what he's talking about. And when she doesn FINALLY come around, its too late! We're going to see these BMWs sometime this week so I will be back with some good news, hopefully.

On the other hand. If I ever win the lottery, I know exactly what cars I want. I really like the new Buick Lacrosse. The CXS is really sweet, I like the body style and all the options. After building "my" Lacrosse on their website, I'd need about $42,000 :) It would be a cool car to own. There's also brand new BMWs, Aston Martins, Benz's, and of course, my Jaguar- that I've always wanted! I have high hopes I know. But its okay to dream! Maybe one day my wishes will come true. [anything can happen]

Pat and Dad are watching the Super Bowl, I'm listening but not really caring. I hope the Saints win though!

♥ Sunday Funday!
[mwah]

p.s. WE GOT 16inches of SNOW the other day! ! ! I loved it! We might get another 6inches on Tuesday! :D The snow is the highest I have ever seen it in my life! I ♥ winter!

i ♥ winter

ITS SNOWING AGAIN!

I'm so happy! :D Apparently, there's a storm coming later tonight and it looks like it already started! Its not snowing very hard but fast and consistently. Its so pretty. I love the snow!

You know what else I love? SHOPPING! And even better doing it online! There are so many benefits to shopping online! More to select from, better and more deals, its easier! Instead of scrummaging through a store and through tons of racks, I have it all at my fingertips! Even though I shouldn't have I bought some stuff from Victoria's Secret. A girl can never have enough panties and bras! Plus they had a TON of sales! Really good prices. Now I'm at Old Navy looking for something to buy with my Reward Card. :) Shopping solves EVERYTHING!

I finished most of the laundry and have to finish cleaning up Pat's room. It bugs me when its a mess. Its like all the clothes and disorganization, clutters my head! I hate it, it makes me feel out of control and lost. I think I'm going to take a shower though... and then call Pat to come get me and we'll go back the Y. I started up again, going regularly. I feel good. But I don't seem to be losing weight like I should... I think I'm doing something wrong but I can't figure it out. I dunno.

Peace.Love
♥

its winter time again... ♥

I love winter. And I love the snow. But I don't love ice. And not knowing its going to be covering the roads completely! And not knowing that the salt trucks were not sent out before or during the rain!! Picture this. Walking outside, down the steps to the sidewalk and sliding the first footstep down! Then sliding all the way to the end of the driveway where your car is parked. Then getting in your car regardless of the situation you're in, because you HAVE to go to work. Call your boyfriend before you leave the driveway to tell him not to go ANYWHERE this morning because it looks like a sheet of ice is covering everything. Start you car, defrost the ice on the windshield. Leave the driveway, then the development, thinking "not all the roads are icy". Which they weren't! Didn't slide once until the bend. The next part happened fast and was very chaotic. After rounding the slight bend, I noticed my car starting to pull in the other lane, then it was all over. Back and forth for the next few seconds, the wildily being thrown across the road and back over and over. Next the car starts to spin, fast. I can't see anything, but the tree coming at me. I start to scream and suppose I gripped the steering wheel. Bounced off of the tree and I think out of reflex put my foot down. Which happened to land on the GAS PEDAL which in turn made the car slam into, DEAD ON, in ANOTHER TREE! A few seconds went by and I think I realized what happened, I started to cry and scream because I realized I was pinned in my seat. At this point I think my windown wasn't broken out... because I distinctly remember seeing it. But I don't know. I lost my phone and couldn't find my glasses. Minutes went by and I realized my door wouldn't budge. I couldn't grab my phone. All I wanted to do was to call for help. Finally I reached my phone and dialed 911. After this was HELL. In short, a half hour went by and I was trapped in the car, in pain. Two more wrecks occured, which in turn made the cop think one was my wreck and didn't see me. My manager who I called crying to say I got in an accident, got in one herself. They had to use the Jaws of Life to get me out, which are very scary. I was put into the ambulance which got stuck and almost wrecked itself! Another half hour went by as we waited for salt trucks or someone to help us. As were sitting there, the driver is saying to brace ourselves, a car is coming right for us. This happened twice. Then I could hear him say, "a car just took out a mailbox, that car just wrecked" etc etc. It was hell. And the ER is a whole different story. I'm thankful for my friends and my family and I am thankful I came out of it. My car is demolished and that's sad. I really liked that car.

No one asked me if my life flashed before my eyes. Something did... I can't say exactly what it was, but I remember thinking about something... or more importantly someone. I'm not sure.

Another weird thing, Pat asked me before I walked out, not to go to work that morning. And of course I said no, I have to work. Amd he asked me one more time, "don't go to work today".

♥

puzzle fighter is the best game EVER.

Myspace disabled my link(to this blog) on my layout! It takes you to a page that says it was phishing, or spam, or inappropriate bullshit. I don't see anything inappropriate besides sometime my language and there's no spam and I'm not trying to phish anyone! I'm so pissed. I wrote them and told them it wasn't fair to me and that my personal blog wasn't any of those things. Its not like a lot of people even read this and I that's the only way I get my blog out there, by having that one link on my page. Fuck them. I wrote the URL out and put it on my page twice. Asshole.

I started my daily workout routine. I did it for 4 days straight then got sick. So I have to start again. I've also been watching what I'm eating, even at work. And its easier at work to eat healthier. We just got our RTE (ready-to-eat) products from Sheetz Bros. Kitchen. We offer amazing fresh fruit cups(pineapple, strawberry, grapes, cantalope, watermelon), yogurt, hummus and pretzels, cheese/crackers, apples/caramel dip, hard-boiled eggs, cheese sticks/blocks, and lunch meat sandwiches and different wraps and salads. Not everything is completely healthy but its a lot healthier than what you order from MTO. So I've been getting a fruit, string cheese, and a sandwich(had to try a few). I'll probably cut down to a bagel though instead of a sandwich or just a turkey sandwich. The wraps have dressings that are fattening. And I stopeed drinking pop. = )

Now, I can't wait for the weather to get a little warmer and then I can go walking! I'll bring Harley too, he needs to lose some weight!

=)

Pat and I planned a little road trip yesterday. We were going to drive to Indiana and surprise Dad. It would have been funny. Dad would have been like "check out these muthafuckers". Haha, I can picture it now. We were gonna act real cool about it too, like we didn't expect to see him at the hotel. We were going to drive my car, so he could see it. We got packed after I got off work. Went to the bank. Left about 3 hours after our original departure time. Talked about it in Sheetz's parking lot and decided to go through with it. We drove an hour on the turnpike and stopped at a Service Center. Ate and decided to turn around. Although this is probably the last time we could have gone on a trip, before Pat leaves- the 20th, I think we made the better decision. We didn't go through much gas so it wasn't a waste to turn around. Plus, I can save my money now. All my bills except for one come out within the same week. The first week of the month. And with my new insurance bill, and my paychecks being split between two accounts, I kinda got screwed at the beginning of next month. One half of my paycheck goes to Mom, its my payment on the $3500 I owe her for loaning me the money for the car. Even though its half of my paycheck, I can still survive. I might still change that though to it being split %60/%40 or something. Now instead of spending all the money I took out for gas and a hotel, I can save it for two weeks from now when I get paid and combine it with the other paycheck and make a bigger payment on my credit cards. I was disappointed but I don't think it was a good idea we went to Indiana.

When we got home we were going to go to the movies. That didn't happen.


Its 52 degrees out!
I hope I don't get sick, though. And its not like the cold weather and snow is gone. Its only February! And the weather man's always wrong [=

I've been using this BWM Diet Manager, its awesome. I has hundreds of different foods, their calories, and info in a database. You can add more, too. Which is awesome because Sheetz has a nutrition calculator so I know exactly what I'm eating. After you "eat" the items it calculates all the calories and shows a chart and compares different things. (Exercise, your budget, calories, target, and BMR). Then you can add your exercises. And it has about a hundred different things and how much you burn. Its very helpful and I also haven't been eating after 6:00pm. That's going good. For about a week I was doing the treadmill at night. I have to start that up again. Mom did say she thinks I've lost a few pounds and coming from mom that is a HUGE deal.

My baby's at M16 training with the Marines today. He asked if I wanted to go, but I think I'd be embarrassed, and I have things to do at the house. Its getting close to the date he's supposed to be leaving. And I think we're both getting nervous. I know there's always a chance he won't pass their health tests and such. Maybe they'll find something bod, maybe they won't. I talked to some other people and they said they knew someone who was disqualified for having bad eyesight... I don't know if they're that strict... but who knows. I told him health-wise, if he doesn't pass their test, he can always try the army or navy. He was already told by them that he could join right now, but he wants to lose the extra couple of pounds and be a Marine. I love him.

<3 I gotta peace.
Mwah.