Day 15 [With the good comes the bad]

I GOT MY FIRST LETTER!!!!!!!! I also got a letter today!!! I was so happy yesterday, I can't even explain. It was the greatest feeling in the world and Pat sounded good!! He even joked! I keep reading the letter over and over :) It makes my day! He wrote about how he thinks about me every second of the day and how much he misses me. And that being down there gives you a different perspective on life. He joked and said "its like hell took a vacation and came here its so hot". He also said its like summer camp from hell but he was enjoying himself. [I miss the sound of his voice]

But... I just went outside and got the second one and its not good. He sounds discouraged but hanging in there. He has gained weight and they won't let him eat less he was told he has to be 186 when he graduates and he was 223 the other day. When he got there he was around 200. He says the senior DI said he might drop him and Pat has no discipline. But he says they only eat 3 times a day and he's sweating like crazy. I cried. I feel so helpless. And of course to make the letter even worse he said that everyone else has been getting called for mail call except for him. That tore my heart apart. I hope he realizes its probably because we live further away then the other guys. I miss him so much. And he doesn't put the date on his letters so not knowing when this weighing happened makes me nervous. I hope he got my letters today.

I feel so helpless. And so bad for him :( I was up all last night because I felt really nervous and sick and anxious. I didn't know why, but this confirmed it.

And on top of all that this past weekend there were 4 motorcycle accidents or something. I heard about 2. 1 was really really really bad and the kid died and I'm not sure about the other ones. WELL... yesterday(Monday) CORY my cousin in Florida was in a really bad motorcycle accident!! I don't have all the detail but he had surgery and is still in the hospital. He was swerving to miss a dog. Today's his birthday. Scary.


I'm going to try to relax.
♥youPat

Day 10 :)

I talked to Mrs. Cain, her son Mike was at PI a few months ago. She gave me some information and a website that shows you everything they're doing down there. I think I'm getting happier knowing I might get a letter soon. I'm mean, at night still, its hard. And I've been having really weird dreams. Pat's there, but they're getting stranger and kind of scary. I don't know what they mean but last night's dealt with suicide and a car wreck. I don't look to far into my dreams because usually they are vivid and strange but on quite a few occassions, I've had deja vu and have actually seen things in my dreams. I'm not too worried about these ones though.

I'm making Ash a cd and then maybe going to the Y early. Maybe I'll take Shadow for a walk too. Its really nice today. -- Dad left this morning so I have the house to myself until Sunday when Mom gets home. It kind of sucks that I have to stay with them until Pat get's back but I'm saving money and maybe it will help me keep busy. And not sit around and worry about Pat. I hope he's doing good and trying his hardest :)

i♥yPat
--Jessi

passingtime

I noticed I'm missing a few dvds... :( I'm really upset about this because they were my favorites and I have no idea where they could be! Missing: Tranformers, Twilight, and The 5th Element. And those are just the ones I've noticed so far. The 5th Element was at my house last, I know for sure and its not in here. Transformers was at Pat's and I could only think that maybe Stephen has it because he had my other movies. And Twilight... I don't know... maybe at Pat's ??? I cleaned his room out completely though, and nothing of mine is left in there. So where could they be? Ugh.

So I found out that days off are even harder. Throughout today I have cried three times and I find myself completely empty. Completely lost. I know you might not want to continue to read about this but Pat told me he would read all my posts when he got back. He used to read my blog and not tell me, so I figured since I can't write to him yet, I'll explain how I'm feeling on here. And I just need to tell him. I really hope he gets to write by next week. This is so hard and I just keep thinking about everyone else who's gone to boot camp and has come back. They all were gone for months before they came home for memorial day. Some are still here, some were only here for the weekend. Some didn't get to come home. What am I going to do when its the same for Pat? Go the rest of the year without him? Because that's pretty much what it will be. And I know if I write to him and tell him all that, he'll get scared that I'm going to leave him like last time. --(When we rented a house a few years ago, he traveled with my dad and was gone a lot. And it was hard and I was young and didn't know what I wanted. so we had some problems and I told him I couldn't do it and we were breaking up. It sent him into a downward spiral that was really really bad and he ended up lying to come home from New York to save our relationship and getting fired at the same time)-- So I know what he'll think. He'll freak out and there's nothing he can do about it down there. I don't want to scare him at all, because that's not what would happen. I would not leave him because of this even though I say its hard. I'm just nervous that I won't be able to handle it and need him to tell me it will be okay. Its just how I am. I need to be reassured and deal with it day to day like I am. And some of it is because I feel like I'm not in control with any of this. Its not a normal job where he can say he wants time off and come home. I just needed to vent.

I'm watching Two and a Half Men Season 2 right now and reading College Humor's Guide to College, with Shadow in the room. I miss Harley a lot, but I'm thankful Shadow's still around. Dad's bringing something to eat, I haven't eaten all day and I'm down to 217.8 [Initial weigh in was: 221] That's something to make me smile. But I'm afraid when I do get my appetite back I'll put it back on. And if I don't start going to the Y, I'll never lose this weight. I feel really pressured.

♥youPat.

Harley and his Hat!

puzzle fighter is the best game EVER.

Myspace disabled my link(to this blog) on my layout! It takes you to a page that says it was phishing, or spam, or inappropriate bullshit. I don't see anything inappropriate besides sometime my language and there's no spam and I'm not trying to phish anyone! I'm so pissed. I wrote them and told them it wasn't fair to me and that my personal blog wasn't any of those things. Its not like a lot of people even read this and I that's the only way I get my blog out there, by having that one link on my page. Fuck them. I wrote the URL out and put it on my page twice. Asshole.

I started my daily workout routine. I did it for 4 days straight then got sick. So I have to start again. I've also been watching what I'm eating, even at work. And its easier at work to eat healthier. We just got our RTE (ready-to-eat) products from Sheetz Bros. Kitchen. We offer amazing fresh fruit cups(pineapple, strawberry, grapes, cantalope, watermelon), yogurt, hummus and pretzels, cheese/crackers, apples/caramel dip, hard-boiled eggs, cheese sticks/blocks, and lunch meat sandwiches and different wraps and salads. Not everything is completely healthy but its a lot healthier than what you order from MTO. So I've been getting a fruit, string cheese, and a sandwich(had to try a few). I'll probably cut down to a bagel though instead of a sandwich or just a turkey sandwich. The wraps have dressings that are fattening. And I stopeed drinking pop. = )

Now, I can't wait for the weather to get a little warmer and then I can go walking! I'll bring Harley too, he needs to lose some weight!

Having as much fun as you can and meeting new people, sounds like a good way to life, right?

I think I'm going to buy a new camera today. I'm sooo excited. My old one was in my purse, that was stolen out of me car last winter. Yea, I haven't had one for over a year! It sucks. I really want to get it today, just cause the anticipation is killing me. Once I decide to do something, I have to do it fast. I get nervous. I guess its anxiety. At least that's what Hoochy tells me. And if I don't get it today, I'll probably decide not to get it. I should save my money.

I figured out how to use Picasa!! That was pretty exciting! I uploaded some pics from 2008 and added them in a slide show on here. So now all you can see what I did in 'o8! I know, your excited to see the pics!

My baby has a hangover. And its hilarious! He's so d.u.m.b. HA.

Ash got a new puppy yesterday. He's a Papillon.. So adorable! In fact, here's a pic!


Patsi's going to New York City tomorrow with Kenny! He's going for a biker function, "biker bash". He has to fill in for Kenny's Sergeant in Arms for Rider's Block. He's never been to NYC, so I'm happy for him. But I told him to be very careful and watch himself. He better not get arrested.