Day 17 [My heart belongs to you]

I got two letters from Pat today!! He wrote that he finally received one of mine! I'm so relieved and happy. He wrote one of his letters on Sunday so he had extra time to write and it was four pages long!! He asked me all kinds of questions and told me about stuff down there.
He has 'portholes' (glasses) but doesn't have to wear them until the rifle range. The first day he wore them, they called him Drew Carey(his last names Carey) and he thought it was funny, but not really LOL. Pat's kind of a clean freak and said they change their cami's every 3 days so he's grossed out by it and they are still using the same bath towel since he got there. Now, if you know Pat, you would know he uses a clean bath towel EVERY time he showers including if he showers twice a day. Needless to say, his house has a million bath towels. Well you can imagine how grossed out he is by having to use the SAME one, for how many weeks now? YEA! haha... he's hating it! He said he's still catching hell because of his weight and when they go to chow, the menu has calories on it so he picks the healthiest. They only pt 3 times a week for two hours and I think that's why he's gaining weight. He says it sucks because he can out run 3/4 of the plt and do more crunches and pullups and does things right, but his senior DI thinks if you "don't have a good body, then you don't care about anything and are a piece of crap". So it doesn't matter how well Pat's doing in anything else. He's still "fat". That's discouraging to me but Pat says he won't let anything break him and he loves it down there. He thinks he was meant for this and really enjoys it. He said none of the name calling, quarter-decking, or messing around with gets to him. I'm happy he's doing good. I was afraid he'd hate it. But luckily he proved me wrong!

He says the whole platoon is sick now and I feel horrible. I would love to send cough drops because he said his throat hurts. I don't know how many are in his plt all together though and you have to send enough for all of them. And I'm not sure I have the money for that and shipping. But maybe? I don't know.

I feel better but I'm still anxious. As soon as I get a letter and read it over about twice, I get anxious for the next one! And what if one doesn't come tomorrow?? I'll be edgy all day today, waiting for tomorrow to come just so I can hear from Pat. Writing letters doesn't seem to curb it either. I just end up wanting to tell him more and then I'll write too much. And I don't want to overwhelm him with useless info. I hate not being able to talk to him!

Sometimes I get this aching for him to be around. I just miss him so much and it'll creep up on me out of nowhere. I'm okay for a while if I'm staying busy, but even that doesn't work all the time. Luckily I can go on that forum and read what other people are doing and it takes my mind off of Pat, for a little.

Today's my day and I know I should go to the Y but I really just want to relax. I don't feel like fighting the traffic or getting dressed, haha.. maybe I'll go...

I♥PC

Day 10 :)

I talked to Mrs. Cain, her son Mike was at PI a few months ago. She gave me some information and a website that shows you everything they're doing down there. I think I'm getting happier knowing I might get a letter soon. I'm mean, at night still, its hard. And I've been having really weird dreams. Pat's there, but they're getting stranger and kind of scary. I don't know what they mean but last night's dealt with suicide and a car wreck. I don't look to far into my dreams because usually they are vivid and strange but on quite a few occassions, I've had deja vu and have actually seen things in my dreams. I'm not too worried about these ones though.

I'm making Ash a cd and then maybe going to the Y early. Maybe I'll take Shadow for a walk too. Its really nice today. -- Dad left this morning so I have the house to myself until Sunday when Mom gets home. It kind of sucks that I have to stay with them until Pat get's back but I'm saving money and maybe it will help me keep busy. And not sit around and worry about Pat. I hope he's doing good and trying his hardest :)

i♥yPat
--Jessi

Day 6 [real bad.]

I don't know what it is today. But its real bad. And I keep making it worse by thinking of all kinds of other things, too. I think I'm going to make myself sick until I get a letter from him. That has to be what it is. Maybe this week will go fast, real fast.

I went to the Y after work today. I did an elliptical for 30 mins and then walked the track. I didn't keep track of how many times... I was there a while. Just walking and thinking. Then I did the sauna for 10 mins straight. Although that really didn't do anything, I felt good afterward. And my phone started to get hot. I guess Pat was lucky to have the Otterbox on his iPhone. He could go in there for like an hour and nothing would happen to his phone. That's okay, I'm going to use my bluetooth wireless headphones, leave my phone in the locker and go in the sauna that way. I should be able to walk that far away from my phone. We'll test it out sometime this week. I don't know about tomorrow... I work 3 to 11 and I have to find out what the warranty co. is going to do about my car. And I have a bad feeling. So if all that goes bad, I have to deal with it before work. And I don't think I'll have time to go to the Y. Although I do want to :(

I'm trying to keep my mind off of Pat right now. It seems like that's ALL I'm thinking about and to make it worse one of the kids who left before him is graduating in a few days so he has liberty now... and he's been on facebook... and yea I had to read everything and it made me sad and miss Pat more. Then I had to see everyone else's statuses. And they scare me. One was something about going out on in the field for training for ten days... no cell phone. UGH... or others bitch about where they are. And I don't want Pat to hate it... what if he does? UGH. And then another minor problem... all the girls that try to talk to these guys... I don't know how I'm going to deal with that! Just another problem to think about! I'm burying myself!!

I wonder if Pat thinks about me throughout the day? I'd imagine he's to busy to... everyonce in a while I whisper I love you to him, hoping he might hear it♥
i♥youPat.

waiting on the world to change.

There were a few things I wanted to vent about, but since I decided to wait to write about them, I forgot. Its probably better this way... shouldn't stress over stupid things or things that are out of your hands. Right? But its hard not to when they directly affect you and your future. I hate change. Ugh. Whatever.

Although I should have went with Pat to the Y, I didn't. I need to start going, bad. I quit smoking and gained weight within the first 3 days, I swear! And the lack of exercise doesn't help. I feel overwhelmed with my weight though. And I'm always hungry... which doesn't help! I'm at mom's house though (she's not home, luckily) and I played Wii Sports and started the Wii Fit. I did yoga, stepping, and a ton of balance games. My back hurts a little now, but surprisingly I wasn't hungry after! I think yoga might be what I need! And of course, watching what I eat.

I'm going to take a shower in a few and probably pass out, I'm really tired. (Probably has something to do with staying up late and drinking at Jenn's!) But we had a great time! We played wii over there too. They have more games and one of them had curling!! It was fxcking awesome! And archery- it made me want to go out and shoot bow and arrows for real! And she has the Wii Resort, which has a ton of games on it too! Now I want to play it ALL THE TIME! I think I'm going to have to tell Mom about these ones so she buys them for her!

Well I shouldn't waste anymore time. ♥ luvvyaa.

balls out.

[We rented this movie with Seann William Scott, its called Balls out. Its pretty funny!]

Today's Agenda:
1) Exercise, 1/2 hour
2) Shower, get ready
3) BMV to buy plates
4) Maybe stop at the Dollar Store
5) Study [Spanish, Algebra]
6) Clean house
7) Laundry
8) Walk Harley

I can't think of anything else that I need to do... it feels like there's something else though. Oh well. I slept really bad last night so I got a late start today. I'm sure I won't do half the things on the list, but I'll try. Pat's out of town working with his Dad so I actually can do everything I need to without him being up my ass... but I can't seem to get motivated! [and I have this splitting head ache brewing right behind my forehead!]

I finally got my hair cut yesterday! It was only $14.95 at Master Cuts in the mall. I got 5 inches cut off and it shaped up a little. No layers though and just an angle in the front. It looks so much healthier now. Maybe next paycheck I'll get it colored and styled. I wouldn't go to Masster Cuts for that and who I would go to, is expensive. So I don't know, I'll have to see what my bills are like.

I think something happened in Pat's head. And it screwed him alllll up. He is eating whatever he wants and not caring. And since he got sick he hasn't done a minute of exercise. I don't understand. I thought he wanted to be a Marine SO bad that he would do anything. He knows this is one of few oppurtunities to start doing something with his life. And I sure as hell am not marrying him if he doesn't start doing something NOW. This is his last chance. Because once I make my mind up not to keep putting up with his bullshit, I'm not turning around. And he better not think I'm just playing around... I'm Not.

I better get started on the important stuff.
outt.

=)

Pat and I planned a little road trip yesterday. We were going to drive to Indiana and surprise Dad. It would have been funny. Dad would have been like "check out these muthafuckers". Haha, I can picture it now. We were gonna act real cool about it too, like we didn't expect to see him at the hotel. We were going to drive my car, so he could see it. We got packed after I got off work. Went to the bank. Left about 3 hours after our original departure time. Talked about it in Sheetz's parking lot and decided to go through with it. We drove an hour on the turnpike and stopped at a Service Center. Ate and decided to turn around. Although this is probably the last time we could have gone on a trip, before Pat leaves- the 20th, I think we made the better decision. We didn't go through much gas so it wasn't a waste to turn around. Plus, I can save my money now. All my bills except for one come out within the same week. The first week of the month. And with my new insurance bill, and my paychecks being split between two accounts, I kinda got screwed at the beginning of next month. One half of my paycheck goes to Mom, its my payment on the $3500 I owe her for loaning me the money for the car. Even though its half of my paycheck, I can still survive. I might still change that though to it being split %60/%40 or something. Now instead of spending all the money I took out for gas and a hotel, I can save it for two weeks from now when I get paid and combine it with the other paycheck and make a bigger payment on my credit cards. I was disappointed but I don't think it was a good idea we went to Indiana.

When we got home we were going to go to the movies. That didn't happen.


Its 52 degrees out!
I hope I don't get sick, though. And its not like the cold weather and snow is gone. Its only February! And the weather man's always wrong [=

I've been using this BWM Diet Manager, its awesome. I has hundreds of different foods, their calories, and info in a database. You can add more, too. Which is awesome because Sheetz has a nutrition calculator so I know exactly what I'm eating. After you "eat" the items it calculates all the calories and shows a chart and compares different things. (Exercise, your budget, calories, target, and BMR). Then you can add your exercises. And it has about a hundred different things and how much you burn. Its very helpful and I also haven't been eating after 6:00pm. That's going good. For about a week I was doing the treadmill at night. I have to start that up again. Mom did say she thinks I've lost a few pounds and coming from mom that is a HUGE deal.

My baby's at M16 training with the Marines today. He asked if I wanted to go, but I think I'd be embarrassed, and I have things to do at the house. Its getting close to the date he's supposed to be leaving. And I think we're both getting nervous. I know there's always a chance he won't pass their health tests and such. Maybe they'll find something bod, maybe they won't. I talked to some other people and they said they knew someone who was disqualified for having bad eyesight... I don't know if they're that strict... but who knows. I told him health-wise, if he doesn't pass their test, he can always try the army or navy. He was already told by them that he could join right now, but he wants to lose the extra couple of pounds and be a Marine. I love him.

<3 I gotta peace.
Mwah.