Day 6 [real bad.]

I don't know what it is today. But its real bad. And I keep making it worse by thinking of all kinds of other things, too. I think I'm going to make myself sick until I get a letter from him. That has to be what it is. Maybe this week will go fast, real fast.

I went to the Y after work today. I did an elliptical for 30 mins and then walked the track. I didn't keep track of how many times... I was there a while. Just walking and thinking. Then I did the sauna for 10 mins straight. Although that really didn't do anything, I felt good afterward. And my phone started to get hot. I guess Pat was lucky to have the Otterbox on his iPhone. He could go in there for like an hour and nothing would happen to his phone. That's okay, I'm going to use my bluetooth wireless headphones, leave my phone in the locker and go in the sauna that way. I should be able to walk that far away from my phone. We'll test it out sometime this week. I don't know about tomorrow... I work 3 to 11 and I have to find out what the warranty co. is going to do about my car. And I have a bad feeling. So if all that goes bad, I have to deal with it before work. And I don't think I'll have time to go to the Y. Although I do want to :(

I'm trying to keep my mind off of Pat right now. It seems like that's ALL I'm thinking about and to make it worse one of the kids who left before him is graduating in a few days so he has liberty now... and he's been on facebook... and yea I had to read everything and it made me sad and miss Pat more. Then I had to see everyone else's statuses. And they scare me. One was something about going out on in the field for training for ten days... no cell phone. UGH... or others bitch about where they are. And I don't want Pat to hate it... what if he does? UGH. And then another minor problem... all the girls that try to talk to these guys... I don't know how I'm going to deal with that! Just another problem to think about! I'm burying myself!!

I wonder if Pat thinks about me throughout the day? I'd imagine he's to busy to... everyonce in a while I whisper I love you to him, hoping he might hear it♥
i♥youPat.

Day 2 of 88 [God places the heaviest burden on those who can carry its weight]

Its raining. And its exactly how I feel. I don't want to do anything, I just want to lay down. All day. I'm doing better today then yesterday- not as emotional! I miss him so much. Mrs. C sent me a text last night(I was at work) when she got the last phone call. He was yelling off of a script and she didn't have time to say anything. She said it sounded horrible and made her sick. She's afraid of the hell he will being going through. As much as I wanted the last phone call... maybe it was better she got it. I don't know if I could have handled it. I wrote him a letter last night too. I'll send it as soon as he writes me. I hope and pray he does great down there and I hope he's careful not to get hurt. I want him to be done on time. I can't stand being away from him. I have to work today. I don't really feel like it, but I know it will keep me sane.

I got the room cleaned up a lot this morning. Its a lot nicer now that its not cluttered. I still have things to go through, though. I alphabetized my dvd collection also. Then stood in front of all of them(which is A LOT) for ten minutes and was like "wow, I don't want to watch any of these". :( I also weighed myself. I had lost a few pounds the last couple of days. Haven't really been eating or drinking much. My weight is: 221. I've gained 40 pounds since the beginning of the year :\ My goal: to lose as much as I can! I'm just going to go for it and do what I can. I need to start going to the Y, but since I normally work till midnight, I don't get up until 11 or noon... and its hard to go to the Y before I have to be back at work. I'll make it work though.

I love you Pat.
♥ Jessi