Oh no, some problems have surfaced...

Ok, first:

I have to stay up late so I can sleep most of tomorrow. I'm driving over night to NC. Well I didn't take a nap because I wouldn't have woken up in the middle of the night to stay up. I normally don't stay up too late. Like maybe 2am somedays. I know I'm getting old. It's not like it was before when I could. So, I've been up since like noon. I'm doing pretty good. I caught a second wind and am okay at the moment(its 3:13am) But I don't know how much longer I can stay awake. Obviously I'm on the computer right now, but I'm running out of things to do and I know if I go lay on my bed and try to watch a movie, I'm probably going to fall asleep. I think I want to be up around 5pm today but I don't know if I'll be able to sleep that long.

Second:

Mom apparently told my sister, Ash, that she isn't driving with me and Amanda. Okay... well she never told me! And now she's not home, who knows where she is at this hour, and she didn't answer my text. I know she works till 5pm today so really she couldn't drive too much at night, she may be tired. Well, Amanda probably isn't going to come either! She needed to make $150 before the trip to ensure she had money to pay a bill and so it was okay that she was going to miss a couple days of work. (She does hair) Well she hasn't made that $150. She's going to see what happens today, but even if she makes it/got it, she would probably be tired too so would be there for moral support as I drove. (Which is fine) Hopefully she can come up with the money. Also, I sent Ash a text and asked her if she would want to come with me. She won't get it until the morning though and she can't drive at night because she has an eye disease and I don't trust her driving anyway:) But once again, for moral support as I drive, it would be nice to have her. ((I've never driven more than 3 hours at a time and that's just joy riding me and Amanda do at night when we go vent. I've also never been on a trip by myself)) That's why someone coming with me actually matters. Also my Dad, who travels A LOT, knows the way down there very well, like the back of his hand, stressed me out because when he asked me when I was leaving he was like "You're driving at night?!" He knows I don't pay attention to when he drives(we've gone to Florida a million times and he drove to Parris Island for boot camp grad) and there's no other way I would be going -- so he was like you better be careful, the hills/turns in West Virginia and Virginia can be dangerous at night and slippery. And having the heat on may make me drowsy and blahblahblah... stressed me out even more and I didn't tell him I was probably now, going by myself.

Third:

Umm... if I drive by myself, I will probably stop and sleep. What if I don't make it in time for Pat's 30 minute libo?! Then what if he checks into his unit and isn't released?! What if he can't leave base on Saturday or Sunday either?! I drove 12 hours really for nothing, because frankly I will be too upset to spend Saturday driving around Jacksonville, looking at houses/apartments, and getting to know the area... when all I really want to do is just see him. Ughhh.... but then if I don't go and Pat gets released, he will be super PISSED. I know he would tell me to come regardless. Not coming isn't even an option. But what if, from some act of God, he got his ten days right after he checks in? Then I could have stayed here, he could fly home, get our stuff, and then go down and find a place. Or something like that. A little heads-up would have been nice Marine Corps. Just a little. Like "no you won't get your ten days for at least 2 weeks". That's all I would have asked for! But now it's too late. 

This is some shit.

And it's supposed to snow up here this weekend. Sweet.

:) just had the best conversation ever.

I can't even put into words how I feel. I feel amazing :) I feel like I just fell in love all over again. When you can hear and feel the emotion in someone's words, it's very reassuring. Especially when they are miles and miles away from you. I feel so much better now. I don't know why I get so insecure sometimes and let things bother me when I know they aren't true or aren't going to happen! I have a problem of letting what people say get to me. I don't know why I listen to them. I know what my relationship is and what it is based on and everything. Sometimes my thoughts just run wild. I have to remember, girls just want everyone to be miserable like them and bring them down. And are jealous or upset that they don't have what you have. That's why they say the things they do. 

:) Thanks to Audri, Amanda, and Ash. I don't know what I would do without them if they weren't here to help me while Pat's gone. They keep me grounded♥

I love you so much Pat. I can't wait to be in your arms again and have you all to myself:)

Day 11 ♥

I just got done doing my bills and I feel good about them, for once! I'm starting to pay a few down and I'm so happy I'm making bigger payments. Before I couldn't because of my paycheck being split into two different accounts. But now that I changed that I'm able to actually put a dent in my balances. Its a great feeling. I also counted the exact days I've been smoke free and it has been... 125 days!!! I'm very happy about that also and glad I haven't given into any urges! I didn't get a letter from Pat yet, maybe tomorrow ::crossingfingers!::

I was going to go to the Y before work at 3 but I think I'm going to clean out the inside of Pat's truck. He never got to do it before he left and I don't want his mom thinking I did it when I give it back to her. Which hopefully should be Monday or Tuesday. I probably should get started on that soon, otherwise I know I won't do it :) As much as I want Mom and Ash to come back from Florida, I really like having the house to myself! Its a little lonely at times but its peaceful. When they get home I'm sure I'll go see Ash a lot. Well maybe, driving all the way to Alliance will hurt my gas fund and usually I would get so tired I couldn't drive and Pat would have to-- every time. So I'm not sure about all that but maybe.

I'm going to go get some things done.
i♥pat
--Jessi

Day 10 :)

I talked to Mrs. Cain, her son Mike was at PI a few months ago. She gave me some information and a website that shows you everything they're doing down there. I think I'm getting happier knowing I might get a letter soon. I'm mean, at night still, its hard. And I've been having really weird dreams. Pat's there, but they're getting stranger and kind of scary. I don't know what they mean but last night's dealt with suicide and a car wreck. I don't look to far into my dreams because usually they are vivid and strange but on quite a few occassions, I've had deja vu and have actually seen things in my dreams. I'm not too worried about these ones though.

I'm making Ash a cd and then maybe going to the Y early. Maybe I'll take Shadow for a walk too. Its really nice today. -- Dad left this morning so I have the house to myself until Sunday when Mom gets home. It kind of sucks that I have to stay with them until Pat get's back but I'm saving money and maybe it will help me keep busy. And not sit around and worry about Pat. I hope he's doing good and trying his hardest :)

i♥yPat
--Jessi

[So addicted to, all the things you do]

I don't have much to say.

I have a TON to say.

Pat didn't leave. Some BULLSHIT about not sending poolees who were going to be active Marines... they only could send poolees who were going to be reservists... Yea... Its screwed a lot up. And its like they are screwing him purposely. I don't know how much I like them anymore. Not that I ever did. Ugh so much has happened. And most of its been VERY stressful. And still is. I don't even want to talk about my car right now. Later. A lot later, I might.

I do want to advise everyone I found this sweet site, CafePress and they have a lot of cool shirts, cups, bags, magnets, etc. ALSO, I opened up a 'store' on their site! You can design stuff, its so cool! my store is: JeskaStyle make sure you check it out and buy some stuff hahaa.. I'm still figuring stuff out but I have a few designs. Don't worry, I'll remind you when I get more stuff up :)

I still haven't gotten a new laptop and that's beginning to make my life hell. I can't do anything when I want to. I always have to wait until I go to Mom's. And you would think Mr. Carey, being a computer wiz and working at a major computer company... well you would think they would have a good computer at their house! But no... only his work computer is Awesome. Stephen and Patrick's is horrible and breaking down.

-----

I'm trying to make Ash a CD, but not having much luck because I have so much other stuff I need to do too. And its not just a normal mix for her. Its a special Remember When... Its going to be great. All kinds of songs we used to listen to :))) Bring back good memories. ♥

I have so much I need to just vent about but it would take up way to much on one post... its not like anyone really reads my stuff anyway, but I know they wouldn't read something that kept scrolling and scrolling and scrolling... I will definitely TRY to post more :) for my own health lmao... . . . . . . . . .

Some 'Right Nows':
Still loving and probably always will: Lady Gaga
--and bonus, Lady Gaga and Beyonce!! L♥ve it!
Song: Rude Boy-Rihanna
Wants to go to a concert Baaadddd.
Not doing so great on weight/exercise... :(
Umm... did I tell ya'll about our little vacay to Washington DC and the Marine Corp Museum?? I'll have to update and make a slideshow :)
Umm... check out jubie1o on youtube for some of my videos!

Not funny.

I wrote a blog about my sister and how great she is last night. When I published it, it said it was successful. So I pressed 'view post now' and it wasn't there!!! I was sooooo pissed. I'm still pissed!! Uggghhhh. I hate technology sometimes. It's more frustrating and a nuisance then a gift! Maybe I'll re-write the post later. I'm so mad.

-- Bloggin' via the iTouch!