"And I'm lost without you"

[ Crossing my fingers that I get to talk to Pat tonight. ]

I just made sugar cookies. I'm bored and anxious. And felt like being productive. I would vacuum but I don't think that's a good idea at 10pm. I cleaned the big bathroom the other day before work. I just need to scrub the bathtub down. Maybe I'll work on our bathroom. Or I am getting a little tired. I might just lay down and watch a movie. I did have two beers... Soooo....

I got to see Amanda today! Her, her mom, and Steph came to Wilmington to look at houses so we met at Elizabeth's for lunch. I had an awesome 'Create Your Own' salad. Pat would love it. I wish they had a restaurant here. I would get a salad every day! So we had lunch then we drove around looking at/for houses. It was so nice! I miss Amanda a lot and wish she'd move down here. She definitely needs to get down here again, soon. We only got to spend like 2 hours together. But I'm grateful for that. We found this awesome development, too. I would buy a house there, for sure.

I'm off tomorrow and I wish I could drive out to Myrtle Beach. It's so easy to get to from JVille but I don't want to use the gas money. I have to send Pat's 2nd package and pay bills. My other friend, Wendy, and her family are in Myrtle this week too. I could have seen all of them :( And I haven't seen her in a LONG time. We didn't get to get together on any holiday leaves or predep leave. It's sucks when they're all so close but I still can't see them. Or when I have to work instead! Blah. I have to see if I can get like 4 days off for Ash's wedding shower in July too. I'm sure they won't be happy about it. And 4 days is going to be rough. I'd have to drive one, be home for two, then drive home on the 4th and I know they'll schedule me early on the 5th day. And the drive all by myself... ughhh. I don't even know if I want to see what plane tickets are... maybe I'll look into that. And I'll just have a carry on.

Hmmm.

I wish I was a millionaire.

I love you Patrick Sean. <3

Deployment, You suck.

Motomail is finally up. I caught up on writing Pat. Sent a few cards(his year anniversary of being a Marine was June 1st) and letters. And of course now a few motomail letters. I don't think he's received any of it yet. I sent out one of his pkg's too. I know he doesn't care, as long as he gets his essentials. But it bothers me that we have no extra money right now and I can't even finish pkg #2. I had to wait to get $15 to send his first pkg! Blah. Hopefully when depo pay kicks in, I'll be able to send more regularly. But Pat wants me to save a large amount of his depo pay, which is fine but I want to send him stuff! I want to send him treats and things. Someone I know has sent out 7, SEVEN, pkg's already! Granted, they're not married, don't have the house/utlilty bills we do, and she probably doesn't have other bills, but still... it's not cheap to make these pkg's. 


It's a job to stay behind and take care of everything. I normally always handle most of the bills, while Pat does a few, but now for some reason it seems overwhelming. I don't know why. And taking care of the puppy(Norm), who's a BRAT, and the apartment.... and working *luckily* 40 hours a week, is catching up to me. On top of that, I'm not sleeping, and because Pat put us on the waiting list to get on base, I have to deal with that. And because of Norm, it is a pain in the ass. And I will have to deal with the moving/tmo because Pat wants in a house before he gets home. Ughhh. And my sister's wedding... and trying to get home for that and the shower... and all the baby showers coming up! It's one busy year.


I just needed to bitch for a min. I guess it's just starting to annoy me.


On a better note, my bestie is in Myrtle Beach!!!!! Which means they're coming up to Wilmington for a day and I get to see her!!!! I wish she would move down here. I think the perfect guy for her is a Marine and she'd love it here. I know she wants to move now but I'm not sure where she's thinking. I can't wait to catch up with her! I wish we could meet at North Topsail beach but I think they're looking at houses in Wilmington.


Man, I miss Pat.

occupying time

I love stumbleupon. I could get hooked 'stumbling' for hours. I'm sitting here, waiting for Amanda to come pick me up so we can go to the park. Well everyone must be busy because FB is pretty slow today and I did all my creeping last night ;) So what else is there to do? Start stumbling! And I came across this:

military humor
And I don't care if it's Army pics. They're still funny! I could just imagine Pat doing this stuff, it makes me happy.

Oh! Pat got promoted today! His LCPL Carey now ;) I'm happy for him. I know he's going to work hard on getting CPL next. And the little bit of extra money we will get now will really help, I think! I can't wait to see him! Only 4 more days! I know he's hating Fort Pickett, but it's almost over. He won't be home long though. California is in April. Blah. I just want him to get better; he's really sick. I can't wait to take care of him when he gets home!

Oh no, some problems have surfaced...

Ok, first:

I have to stay up late so I can sleep most of tomorrow. I'm driving over night to NC. Well I didn't take a nap because I wouldn't have woken up in the middle of the night to stay up. I normally don't stay up too late. Like maybe 2am somedays. I know I'm getting old. It's not like it was before when I could. So, I've been up since like noon. I'm doing pretty good. I caught a second wind and am okay at the moment(its 3:13am) But I don't know how much longer I can stay awake. Obviously I'm on the computer right now, but I'm running out of things to do and I know if I go lay on my bed and try to watch a movie, I'm probably going to fall asleep. I think I want to be up around 5pm today but I don't know if I'll be able to sleep that long.

Second:

Mom apparently told my sister, Ash, that she isn't driving with me and Amanda. Okay... well she never told me! And now she's not home, who knows where she is at this hour, and she didn't answer my text. I know she works till 5pm today so really she couldn't drive too much at night, she may be tired. Well, Amanda probably isn't going to come either! She needed to make $150 before the trip to ensure she had money to pay a bill and so it was okay that she was going to miss a couple days of work. (She does hair) Well she hasn't made that $150. She's going to see what happens today, but even if she makes it/got it, she would probably be tired too so would be there for moral support as I drove. (Which is fine) Hopefully she can come up with the money. Also, I sent Ash a text and asked her if she would want to come with me. She won't get it until the morning though and she can't drive at night because she has an eye disease and I don't trust her driving anyway:) But once again, for moral support as I drive, it would be nice to have her. ((I've never driven more than 3 hours at a time and that's just joy riding me and Amanda do at night when we go vent. I've also never been on a trip by myself)) That's why someone coming with me actually matters. Also my Dad, who travels A LOT, knows the way down there very well, like the back of his hand, stressed me out because when he asked me when I was leaving he was like "You're driving at night?!" He knows I don't pay attention to when he drives(we've gone to Florida a million times and he drove to Parris Island for boot camp grad) and there's no other way I would be going -- so he was like you better be careful, the hills/turns in West Virginia and Virginia can be dangerous at night and slippery. And having the heat on may make me drowsy and blahblahblah... stressed me out even more and I didn't tell him I was probably now, going by myself.

Third:

Umm... if I drive by myself, I will probably stop and sleep. What if I don't make it in time for Pat's 30 minute libo?! Then what if he checks into his unit and isn't released?! What if he can't leave base on Saturday or Sunday either?! I drove 12 hours really for nothing, because frankly I will be too upset to spend Saturday driving around Jacksonville, looking at houses/apartments, and getting to know the area... when all I really want to do is just see him. Ughhh.... but then if I don't go and Pat gets released, he will be super PISSED. I know he would tell me to come regardless. Not coming isn't even an option. But what if, from some act of God, he got his ten days right after he checks in? Then I could have stayed here, he could fly home, get our stuff, and then go down and find a place. Or something like that. A little heads-up would have been nice Marine Corps. Just a little. Like "no you won't get your ten days for at least 2 weeks". That's all I would have asked for! But now it's too late. 

This is some shit.

And it's supposed to snow up here this weekend. Sweet.

:) just had the best conversation ever.

I can't even put into words how I feel. I feel amazing :) I feel like I just fell in love all over again. When you can hear and feel the emotion in someone's words, it's very reassuring. Especially when they are miles and miles away from you. I feel so much better now. I don't know why I get so insecure sometimes and let things bother me when I know they aren't true or aren't going to happen! I have a problem of letting what people say get to me. I don't know why I listen to them. I know what my relationship is and what it is based on and everything. Sometimes my thoughts just run wild. I have to remember, girls just want everyone to be miserable like them and bring them down. And are jealous or upset that they don't have what you have. That's why they say the things they do. 

:) Thanks to Audri, Amanda, and Ash. I don't know what I would do without them if they weren't here to help me while Pat's gone. They keep me grounded♥

I love you so much Pat. I can't wait to be in your arms again and have you all to myself:)

Day 78 [Getting so close!]

How ironic is that, I decided to post exactly 10 days after the last one ;) Maybe 8's my number, or 10?! Lol...


I have been super busy. Which is a good thing. It keeps my mind running and not being depressed. I think that's why I'm not sure where July went!! I really, honestly can not say what I did in the month of July, that is how fast it went. Weird, huh? I remember it being rough sometimes, but honestly it's really like we just skipped the whole month all together! Now these last 8 days... ya they're dragging just a little bit. Nothing to bad, just every once in a while, during the day-- I'm like "Okay, come'on, let's move on. Let the sun go down" lol... I have been a little bothered by something else too. And I don't know what to make of it. I don't know if it's bad or good, or what. I feel like I need to and I want to definitely, cry sometimes. And I can't. Like I literally can not cry. And I feel like it's a horrible thing. I think of Pat and how much I miss him and how I need him, and the tears shouldn't come like they should or like they would have a month ago. Is that bad? I'm always afraid of "forgetting" about Pat. Like waking up one day and totally forgetting the idea of him and everything he is. I feel like its a bad thing I can't cry right now. But maybe it's because I know I'll see him soon ???? I DON'T KNOW! But the worst part is, I don't cry when I read his letters over! I might get teary-eyed, but I don't BALL like I was before. ????? It's frustrating. I just don't know what it means.


Anyway, I've been working a lot. And trying to work on the scrap book. I'm going to take some pics and post them on here. I know I don't get ANY traffic to this site, but eventually maybe I'll get some USMC gals and they'll appreciate the stuff I post. LOL.


I've been hanging with my bestest, Amanda lately. It's been great. Really what I needed and I missed her. We used to be inseparable and then I guess, life happened! LOL, she went to cosmetology school and was working and I was working and dealing with Pat and we just lost touch. But now we're back together and even thinking about getting a place together! I want to move with Pat so BAD because I hate being away from him, but if I had to wait until he was done with schooling and stuff, I would totally move in with Amanda. It would be awesome. Honestly, it probably should have happened a long time ago!! 


=) I'm writing Pat's last letter today I think. That will give him a letter on Monday, or the latest Tuesday, before we see him on Fam Day. He starts the Crucible at 3am tonight/next morning. I'm praying for him. I want him to do great. I don't think he'll give up. He's not that type. But I don't want him to get hurt if he's pushing himself harder than he should. I'm scared. Yes, the Crucible scares me a little. They expect 1-2 casualties every Crucible, what if Pat's that one... I would die. I think he would die. It would be horrible.


I don't mean to cut this short, but when I don't post for days, I tend to ramble in one big post. And then nobody would read it even if I did get traffic =) I have to take a shower though. 


----If any of you girls are going through the Marine Corps stuff, feel free to contact me
jubie2o@gmail.com
I know I'm only at the beginning of our Marine Corps journey, but I have learned A LOT already about the Corps and I want to help other girls. =)----


I love my hero♥