Impacts of life decisions

The day I married my soul mate, everything changed. Everything set in and seemed 'right'. I wasn't nervous, I didn't have any second thoughts, I wasn't like "What am I getting myself into". From then on, I saw God's path. Up until then, I couldn't see. I struggled to understand where my life was going, I thought there was no path. But now I see it. And I feel like this is exactly what He had planned. I was getting lost before and needed to fight to get to this point. I feel at ease with myself and my life. I wouldn't change it or trade it for anything.


With that being said, my sister has made a decision that I can not understand. 


She claims J is her soul mate. They've been together I think longer than three years now. They were getting married this year, in October. This coming weekend is the date for their Bridal Shower. Around two weeks ago, out of the blue, we found out that A decided to call the wedding off! ! ! ! ! Literally a week before I found this out, she was telling me how she couldn't wait until I saw the wedding topper, and her and Mom were getting other wedding stuff together. The severity and quickness of this whole fiasco, is really throwing me off. And also my Mother. And My YiaYia. And I'm not sure how my Dad feels. You have no idea how completely out of left field this is. I was very upset when my Mom told me. Pat is extremely upset and mind-blown, also. I called A and talked to her. It's not effective over the phone. She didn't explain too much. Just kept saying J was also having feelings like he wasn't ready. Do I believe that? Slightly, but I think he just doesn't want to show how he really feels. Supposedly, my sister has met someone. I explained, from personal experience, how what she may be feeling because of meeting this person, is not real. Of course she has to realize this on her own. But I know what she's going through. And she needs to take a step back and re-evaluate her situation and feelings. It's a smoke-screen effect and it's misleading. She could ruin something really good by giving in. I think she's realized that, now. She apparently "needs to find herself", she's "lost herself in all this". Really? I don't think so. I'm not sure what's going on in her head, but mentally she's screwing with J and it's the last thing he needs. I don't even know. There are so many thoughts running through my head. I could kick her butt for doing this two weeks before the Bridal Shower. How do you just realize out of no where, you've fallen out of love with someone you loved a week before?!?!


Regardless of the outcome of this situation, as the BIG SISTER, I can not sit back and not have an opinion. Although I keep it to myself, I would hate to see her decisions take her down the wrong path in life. I'm going to sit back and let her learn on her own, though. No one was there to help me make the right decisions and I've learned a lot. I also keep this in mind with everything I decide now. Will she? Time will tell, I suppose.


In another sense, this distracts me from deployment. It's doesn't need to distract Pat and I know he cares. It makes me nervous. It's like he focuses on everything else, but Afghanistan. He's worried about this, he was worried about missing the wedding. He's worried about getting a house on base, when I've repeatedly told him I'm handling it. He worries about me and our finances. He worries about Norm. He needs to realize, the more important thing he needs to worry about is coming home safe and sound and not in a box. I can handle everything here. Everything will be okay. He can't save everything. I can take some of the burden and put it on myself.


♥ 1/9

"And I'm lost without you"

[ Crossing my fingers that I get to talk to Pat tonight. ]

I just made sugar cookies. I'm bored and anxious. And felt like being productive. I would vacuum but I don't think that's a good idea at 10pm. I cleaned the big bathroom the other day before work. I just need to scrub the bathtub down. Maybe I'll work on our bathroom. Or I am getting a little tired. I might just lay down and watch a movie. I did have two beers... Soooo....

I got to see Amanda today! Her, her mom, and Steph came to Wilmington to look at houses so we met at Elizabeth's for lunch. I had an awesome 'Create Your Own' salad. Pat would love it. I wish they had a restaurant here. I would get a salad every day! So we had lunch then we drove around looking at/for houses. It was so nice! I miss Amanda a lot and wish she'd move down here. She definitely needs to get down here again, soon. We only got to spend like 2 hours together. But I'm grateful for that. We found this awesome development, too. I would buy a house there, for sure.

I'm off tomorrow and I wish I could drive out to Myrtle Beach. It's so easy to get to from JVille but I don't want to use the gas money. I have to send Pat's 2nd package and pay bills. My other friend, Wendy, and her family are in Myrtle this week too. I could have seen all of them :( And I haven't seen her in a LONG time. We didn't get to get together on any holiday leaves or predep leave. It's sucks when they're all so close but I still can't see them. Or when I have to work instead! Blah. I have to see if I can get like 4 days off for Ash's wedding shower in July too. I'm sure they won't be happy about it. And 4 days is going to be rough. I'd have to drive one, be home for two, then drive home on the 4th and I know they'll schedule me early on the 5th day. And the drive all by myself... ughhh. I don't even know if I want to see what plane tickets are... maybe I'll look into that. And I'll just have a carry on.

Hmmm.

I wish I was a millionaire.

I love you Patrick Sean. <3

Day 67/88 !!! [Getting close!]

Ahhhh!! We're so close! I can't believe how fast July and now August, have gone compared to June! June was horribly long and dragged out! It sucked so bad. But now I only have 18 days till I'm driving down to SC to see my babe! I can't wait for Family Day. That will be Thursday and it will be the first official day I see Pat. I think it's like 3 or 4 hours with him and he'll show us all around PI and we'll have lunch. I'm not sure if we should bring lunch in a cooler or just stick it out in the lines. I don't know yet. I'm so excited! Our cabin get-away is going to be perfect too! Then on the Monday we get home, we'll get the marriage license and schedule an appointment with a judge!! I can't wait to be married to my other half!! He makes me so happy!


I've gotten a few letters in the last two weeks, more than I though I would. They're supposed to be really busy. Maybe next week I won't get so many ? Idk... but Pat had his wisdom teeth, all 4, removed and they cracked one of the other teeth while they were doing it. He said it hurts really bad but he goes back on admin week to get it fixed. What else has he said? .... He made me something!! I wouldn't say what and he said his materials were limited but I'm going to die when I see it! He said some of the other guys tried to call him gay and make fun of him for making it but he said "You know me, I squashed that shit right away" He said he loves me so much and he doesn't care what people think :) I have the best guy ever. He said a lot of the guys keep asking about our wedding and want to be invited.


I love getting letters from him! They're so nice and I love reading them over and over. =) I have lots to do today (it's my day off) So I better start now, or I'll end up doing nothing all day!


xoxo
♥ I love Patrick!