where did summer go?

Its already the Canfield Fair... where did summer go?? I feel like I didn't do much at all and it went SO fast. Every season feels that way anymore. Ever since I realized I wasn't a kid anymore. Ever since then, things have gone down hill. I want to be optimistic. Right now looking back at what I've done and looking into my future, doesn't provide anything to be optimistic about. That light of hope is diminishing and with everything else. Eventually things will turn around, but who knows when that will be. If I had three wishes, one would be to make everything okay tomorrow. The other two wouldn't matter. I just want everything to be OKAY. Be BETTER. Be GOOD again.

Ehh, enough of that. I'm not in the mood to think about my problems.

On a positive note, I quit smoking about a month ago and feel GREAT! I also lost 10 pounds! Which for anyone who forgot, I'm losing weight to join the Marines! I did talk to the Navy also... they have all the medical jobs/fields. And I would rather do something medical. But I'm not sure the Navy is what I really want. I really want to push myself and put myself through something that will show me what I am capable of and make me happy. The Marines can do that. And Sgt. Petronio was assigned me(even though he's at the Salem office and I'm from Canfield) but he's awesome! I love him and I barely know him! He makes me motivated and is very encouraging! I don't think he even knows it lol.

I'm debating on whether to go to the Hookah Bar with Bobbi and Wendy. I have to work tomorrow and I'm really tired. But I really want to go out with them. Maybe I'll go out for like a half hour.

I better go get ready then. Peace out.

I ♥ roller coasters!

Sheetz continued the new tradition of taking any employee who has been with the company for three or more years, somewhere this summer. Yesterday we went to Kennywood. (In Pittsburgh, PA) It was awesome! They provide transportation, food, and the tickets. But we were allowed to bring family/friends(pay for themselves) and drive separately. I rode with Amanda and Wendy who wanted to stay later and drove separate. We had a blast! It was so much fun and I was surprised and excited that Wendy would go on the roller coasters! I just never thought she was like that. I love roller coasters, but I won't lie. Before I get on them, I'm freaking out inside and I get a little scared. Not enough that I'll turn around and get off but I get really anxious, excited, and nervous all at the same time. After the ride is over, I'm fine and I could go back on the same one a hundred times if I could! I definitely want to thank Sheetz for taking us there. Last year(the first year) we went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which was cool but not much fun for some people. This year, they asked us for suggestions and I didn't think they would take us somewhere like an amusement park. (I suggested the zoo, because I really want to go) But they chose Kennywood which was PERFECT!

I really want to take Pat too. I don't know why but I really want him to go. I think he'll really like it and for some reason really want to share that experience with him. I don't know... its weird. I don't know what is going on between me and him, and I have no clue what I want from him. I'm so confused. There's days I hate him and wish I'd never met him, then there's days I want to make it work, but I don't see it being anything better than the worst. I DON'T KNOW. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON IN MY HEAD. And he doesn't help at all! He just makes things even worse and does nothing to make me want to spend the rest of my life with him. This is probably the hardest thing I've ever gone through. And no ones advice helps me figure anything out. UGHHH.

I have to work a few afternoon shifts this week because of all the people who went on vacation this week. There was 8 people or so! And I got fucked. Royally. And its not like anyone thanks you or anything like that. People are so conceited and ignorant. I can't wait to get out of here. Anyone who tells me, "you'll have the same problems down there that you have here." doesn't know what they are talking about. If you leave this state and come back, just driving around here you can see how depressed it is! And people aren't mean and unhappy other places! Yea every once in a while you'll encounter someone like that, but its not all the time. And I'll be glad to leave this rotting place.

If you want to pursue your dreams, you have to get out of Youngstown, Ohio. Ohio is only good for coming back to later in life where you just want an easy, quiet existence.

♥ Jessica.