darling, I will wait ♥

I miss you Pat.


I haven't gotten better. Not as nauseous but even my cold, if that's what it is, isn't going away. I can talk now though, but I'm still raspy. My ear has been clogged the last few days so I decided to go the the ER. Turns out, the Austintown ER just up and closed in October! They just added on to that building and made it huge a couple years ago. I can't believe it. We went across the street to the Immediate Care and they would not have been able to contact the Red Cross if I needed them too. So we went to the another ER. I had test done and thankfully, the blood tests were normal as well as the ultrasound of my gallbladder, liver, etc.
He did 'diagnose' me with gastroesophageal reflux disease. He says I will need to see an endocrinologist and possibly still a gastroenterologist. There are multiple things happening but a lot of them may be a hormone problem. My digestive system is all messed up but also other things. I also had an ear infection. I had to get 4 new prescriptions, stop the antibiotic I was previously on, and continue taking my other two medicines. 


I'm feeling better after the medicine cocktail they gave me at the ER and the pills. But I'm still stressed. I officially will never respect a small group of guys in Pat's company. I won't get in to it, but I am livid.


I can't wait till he's home. ♥

It may say US Marines over his heart, but it belongs to me

So... I still wasn't feeling good yesterday, and it's been a week since I started not feeling well. Pat bought me a pregnancy test since some of the symptoms sound similar. It was negative, which like I think I said before, is a good thing. I kind of felt better this morning. Yesterday was BADDD... very bad. It's hard to explain, there is slight nausea, constant headache, but it was SO bad yesterday. Bloating, and somewhat constipation but I went to the bathroom twice! Heaviness all over. Cramping, sharp pain in stomach. Also the chest pains have gone away slightly. Well when I woke up, I felt a little better. I didn't notice the bloating as much (I gained 4 lbs from yesterday morning to yesterday night which can be normal if you're drinking a lot of water and eating A LOT. I barely drank anything but I had a big dinner, no other food through out the day). My stomach didn't even feel very crampy. Well I had to go to the bathroom this morning, early. This isn't normal for me to go this much. And mind you only 10 hours before had I gone to the bathroom. Well I went and... there was blood in my stool. I'm definitely going to have to go to the doc's now. Since we're going home in two days though... I'm going to have to find someone to check me at home. And I don't think my old doc accepts Tricare, but I'll have to see. =( Blah. I've heard people say if your canine or maybe it's your first premolar, (its your third or fourth tooth) if they are yellow/stained while other teeth aren't it could alert to bowel or intestine problems. The funny thing is, is my sister has always had those particular teeth much discolored than her others, and she used to have problems with her intestine. Well, I noticed the other day while I was looking at recent pictures of myself, those teeth are much yellower than I've ever seen them in 24 years.... and this was before I started feeling really bad. It's so discouraging to me because I was losing weight and now I'm gaining! And I shouldn't be!

=(

where did summer go?

Its already the Canfield Fair... where did summer go?? I feel like I didn't do much at all and it went SO fast. Every season feels that way anymore. Ever since I realized I wasn't a kid anymore. Ever since then, things have gone down hill. I want to be optimistic. Right now looking back at what I've done and looking into my future, doesn't provide anything to be optimistic about. That light of hope is diminishing and with everything else. Eventually things will turn around, but who knows when that will be. If I had three wishes, one would be to make everything okay tomorrow. The other two wouldn't matter. I just want everything to be OKAY. Be BETTER. Be GOOD again.

Ehh, enough of that. I'm not in the mood to think about my problems.

On a positive note, I quit smoking about a month ago and feel GREAT! I also lost 10 pounds! Which for anyone who forgot, I'm losing weight to join the Marines! I did talk to the Navy also... they have all the medical jobs/fields. And I would rather do something medical. But I'm not sure the Navy is what I really want. I really want to push myself and put myself through something that will show me what I am capable of and make me happy. The Marines can do that. And Sgt. Petronio was assigned me(even though he's at the Salem office and I'm from Canfield) but he's awesome! I love him and I barely know him! He makes me motivated and is very encouraging! I don't think he even knows it lol.

I'm debating on whether to go to the Hookah Bar with Bobbi and Wendy. I have to work tomorrow and I'm really tired. But I really want to go out with them. Maybe I'll go out for like a half hour.

I better go get ready then. Peace out.

total eclipse of the heart.

I'm nearly done with Eclipse! i decided to take a break from reading though, I was starting to get a headache! I definitely like this book better than the second, New Moon. The first is still my favorite. Ash gave me the fourth one so I'll start that probably tonight.

I made my appointment for the doctor's today! 2pm. Finally. I can't wait to get this checked. Its a cyst or something similar, on my back near my neck. It hurts really bad and its just unbearable now. I can't even sleep well because of the location of it! The pillow irritates it and its very tender. Its getting bigger every day too. ((Keep in mind I didn't have insurance for a whole year that's why I couldn't get it checked! I just got my insurance through Sheetz a couple of weeks ago)) Dad gets cysts but his don't hurt. Pat and Mom said I have little ones all over my back... that's a scary thought. At least you can't see them. They don't have heads and they're so small they look like bumps. None of those ones hurt, as far as I can tell. My back is sensitive and always hurts, but I assume its not the cysts doing that. Who knows. I hope y co-pay isn't a lot... Ashley's was only $30. I probably won't be so lucky. I was told that Sheetz's insurance is sucky.

I'm baking a cake today! Caramel with caramel icing. Its been in the cupboard forever so I decided it needed to be used. I also have to clean. CLEAN. !!! Yea, we'll see when that happens! I' just to absorbed in the book and I'm tired... I'll get to it. Eventually.

I have a project I have to start =} Its badddd. But its hilarious and he deserves it! Maybe I'll upload it when I'm through. Heehee. I feel so devious!

Loves.

A new day of darkness.

Picture waking every morning in blackness. Seeing only light dancing behind a closed curtain. Your sight has failed you and you must rely on your other senses. Using your hands you feel every thing that is normal to you, you hear every thing that you hear every day, but you can't see any of it. Navigating through the house, at first, seemed hazardous but then I realized I've lived here for 21 years. I know every inch of this place. I know where everything is positioned. I skated through with no problem. Only using lights that were on in different rooms to judge where I was, and the sound of tv's and the distance they were away. Even riding in the car, I could tell what roads we were on and how far away until the next turn. Occasionally I'd get lost and then realize a sudden bend and be back on track.

You're probably thinking I went blind. We'll luckily that's not the case. I have horrific scratches on my left cornea. The pain is so unbearable that I can't open my eye lid. The scratches also caused my eyesight to go hazy and cloudy so I couldn't see through it even if it didn't hurt. Because of the stress on my right eye, that one too, doesn't want to open. Besides, anyone who knows me, knows with out glasses or contacts, I can not see anything. Anything. Until I saw my eye specialist, I was blind. Light hurt my eye and I had a patch over the left one for about a day. My good eye, was pretty much useless so naturally I walked around all day with both closed.

It was weird not being able to see. At times I was frustrated and angry. And I couldn't scratch or rub my eye, so the pain was horrible! And the anxiety of not being able to touch it when it itched, sucked. I don't wish blindness on anyone. I realized how bad it sucks. I had to use people to guide me through rooms and to read things for me. When I talked, since I couldn't see if they were looking at me, I felt like they weren't listening. Ya know? How would I actually know if they were paying attention? Even though my "blind episode" only last for about 2 days, I think I realized my other senses were stronger. Everything was louder than normal or different sounds punctuated more in my ears. My nose was all clogged up from crying and sniffling so my sense of smell sucked. And as far as touch, I touched everything in front of me. So I got very good use out of that! I learned that the eye heals very quickly, and I'm doing much better. Later in the day I was able to keep my left eye open without it tearing up and closing. It still itches and throbs. And every three hours I have to put drops in. I have to sleep with ointment in it so the eyelid pretty much glues shut. I go to the doctor's on Monday and hopefully he doesn't tell me any bad news.

And I'm buying glasses. Screw contacts! They are most likely what caused the bad scratches. The hott ER doctor told me they were the worst he's EVER seen. My advice to you: Be careful with contacts! They're suppose to help your sight, but they can ruin it, too!!!