Day 21 of SOI ♥♥

Be my shelter from the warmth // my shield of armor in danger // my companion from loneliness // my sense from delusion // my dream from reality // be my everything

Pat has made this so much easier. At first it was rough like boot camp. But he's made it easier just by the things he says. He makes me feel wanted, needed, and loved. For a while before(long before boot camp), I thought I lost all that. I thought he didn't need me. That he didn't need me to survive. I've come to realize that I didn't lose him and it is okay to be dependent without relying on the other person. I still feel like I need him to live but I know I can survive (kinda) on my own. Or at least it's bearable because I know I will see him in the end. So I force myself to be okay with out him. But as soon as he's with me, you better believe my world is revolving around him again =) to a point... ♥

I can't wait to see my babe! I'm gonna hug him like a little girl hugs her favorite stuffed bear and never let go! I miss him like crazy but I'm so excited to see him again. I can't wait. I feel like we start fresh every time we see each other and the little spark of excitement and rush runs through me, all over again. That feeling you get when you've fallen in love... I get to feel that over and over!

Day 60 [Excited to be Mrs. Jessica Ann Carey!!!]

I'm so excited to marry Pat!!! And it's ten times better because he SOOO excited too! It's all he talks about in his letters! I want to put them on here, but I think they're too personal. I read them to my sister (which I love doing, we analyze everything) and I read snippets to other people. I decided to make them their own scrap book for right now. I didn't have anything from before when Pat was a poolee so I can't really do much with all that until graduation and after. So I decided I'll put them in the scrap book and then I'll have them forever! =) I'm so excited to see him. He told me in Sunday's letter that he was going to hate when I go to work and he can't see me, but he knows I have to work =( I wish he wouldn't have told me that because now it's going to be really hard for me to want to go. I would have been better off if he didn't say it LOL. I can't wait though. There's so much I want to do and talk about and I feel like I need to start prepping now!! I want to pack already!!! LOL and I want to get his goodie bag together now, but I'm afraid of the candy/chocolate/etc getting hard or not tasting good. So I'm going to wait till like the week before. (And I have to remember to get the bag for the goodies from Walmart. They have the present bags really cheap)


There's so much going on and so much I need to do. I've become unorganized the past few weeks and it's messing everything up =\ I don;t even know where I am!


Need to figure everything out and get grounded again.


I love Patrick♥

Day 18 [LettersOfLove]

:) I'm happy today. Got another letter from Pat and he said he would also write me every day!! I'm so happy to know that. He says he "expects" me to write every day to or he'll be pissed lol... he's missing some of my letters and I think that's why he thinks I'm not writing a lot. He also said... something about this little thing... called...

MARRIAGE!!!!
=)=)=)=)

He says he wants to when he gets home and then I can come to Camp Leguene(sp?) with him after SOI!! Aghhh!! I told him I want it to be a surprise still... so he can't openly talk about it or 'plans' =) He said he was going to ask for recruiter's assistant also so he could stay for a month.

I'm sooo happy!!! I love my baby!

I'm running really late and have to work in a little so I'll update more tomorrow!

♥yous!

passingtime

I noticed I'm missing a few dvds... :( I'm really upset about this because they were my favorites and I have no idea where they could be! Missing: Tranformers, Twilight, and The 5th Element. And those are just the ones I've noticed so far. The 5th Element was at my house last, I know for sure and its not in here. Transformers was at Pat's and I could only think that maybe Stephen has it because he had my other movies. And Twilight... I don't know... maybe at Pat's ??? I cleaned his room out completely though, and nothing of mine is left in there. So where could they be? Ugh.

So I found out that days off are even harder. Throughout today I have cried three times and I find myself completely empty. Completely lost. I know you might not want to continue to read about this but Pat told me he would read all my posts when he got back. He used to read my blog and not tell me, so I figured since I can't write to him yet, I'll explain how I'm feeling on here. And I just need to tell him. I really hope he gets to write by next week. This is so hard and I just keep thinking about everyone else who's gone to boot camp and has come back. They all were gone for months before they came home for memorial day. Some are still here, some were only here for the weekend. Some didn't get to come home. What am I going to do when its the same for Pat? Go the rest of the year without him? Because that's pretty much what it will be. And I know if I write to him and tell him all that, he'll get scared that I'm going to leave him like last time. --(When we rented a house a few years ago, he traveled with my dad and was gone a lot. And it was hard and I was young and didn't know what I wanted. so we had some problems and I told him I couldn't do it and we were breaking up. It sent him into a downward spiral that was really really bad and he ended up lying to come home from New York to save our relationship and getting fired at the same time)-- So I know what he'll think. He'll freak out and there's nothing he can do about it down there. I don't want to scare him at all, because that's not what would happen. I would not leave him because of this even though I say its hard. I'm just nervous that I won't be able to handle it and need him to tell me it will be okay. Its just how I am. I need to be reassured and deal with it day to day like I am. And some of it is because I feel like I'm not in control with any of this. Its not a normal job where he can say he wants time off and come home. I just needed to vent.

I'm watching Two and a Half Men Season 2 right now and reading College Humor's Guide to College, with Shadow in the room. I miss Harley a lot, but I'm thankful Shadow's still around. Dad's bringing something to eat, I haven't eaten all day and I'm down to 217.8 [Initial weigh in was: 221] That's something to make me smile. But I'm afraid when I do get my appetite back I'll put it back on. And if I don't start going to the Y, I'll never lose this weight. I feel really pressured.

♥youPat.

ring ring ring!

I'm waiting for my mother to get home so we can go to the gym... She's taking forever! I had even told her that we'd go early today (right after my eye appointment at 4pm) So much for that. We'll probably end up not going if she doesn't hurry.

I got this new wireless mouse for my laptop... I thought you all should know how awesome it is! It has these buttons on the side and the left one will go back to the previous webpage you were on, and the right one magnifies! Its pretty sweet! I'm really amused by it because when I bought it, I didn't know it had these features. And it was on the clearance rack at Wal-Mart, half off... and you know how clearance stuff is! Never really know if your buying something good until you get it home. Haha, I love the little things in life. :D

Right now, I LOVE:
Bow Wow + Soulja Boy's MARCO POLO! Even though its not a new track, I can't stop listening to it! And it bumps in my car. MAADDD BASS!!!

Bow Wow and Nicki Minaj- kiss my ass. Great song.
"K I S S my A S S." That's for everyone hatin!

Vitamin Water10 xxx- i usually HATE Vitamin Water but this 10 cal acai-blueberr-pomegranante is pretty good and doesn't have the nasty after taste that the other ones do!

I'm gonna surf the web and see if I can find anything interesting to blab about :)
Deuces.

[[ MY GRANDMOTHERS CALLING THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW.... SHE NEVER CALLS! I WONDER WHATS GOING ON...]]