It may say US Marines over his heart, but it belongs to me

So... I still wasn't feeling good yesterday, and it's been a week since I started not feeling well. Pat bought me a pregnancy test since some of the symptoms sound similar. It was negative, which like I think I said before, is a good thing. I kind of felt better this morning. Yesterday was BADDD... very bad. It's hard to explain, there is slight nausea, constant headache, but it was SO bad yesterday. Bloating, and somewhat constipation but I went to the bathroom twice! Heaviness all over. Cramping, sharp pain in stomach. Also the chest pains have gone away slightly. Well when I woke up, I felt a little better. I didn't notice the bloating as much (I gained 4 lbs from yesterday morning to yesterday night which can be normal if you're drinking a lot of water and eating A LOT. I barely drank anything but I had a big dinner, no other food through out the day). My stomach didn't even feel very crampy. Well I had to go to the bathroom this morning, early. This isn't normal for me to go this much. And mind you only 10 hours before had I gone to the bathroom. Well I went and... there was blood in my stool. I'm definitely going to have to go to the doc's now. Since we're going home in two days though... I'm going to have to find someone to check me at home. And I don't think my old doc accepts Tricare, but I'll have to see. =( Blah. I've heard people say if your canine or maybe it's your first premolar, (its your third or fourth tooth) if they are yellow/stained while other teeth aren't it could alert to bowel or intestine problems. The funny thing is, is my sister has always had those particular teeth much discolored than her others, and she used to have problems with her intestine. Well, I noticed the other day while I was looking at recent pictures of myself, those teeth are much yellower than I've ever seen them in 24 years.... and this was before I started feeling really bad. It's so discouraging to me because I was losing weight and now I'm gaining! And I shouldn't be!

=(

The nights I don't dream about you, are the nights I stay up just thinking of you.

I don't feel good at all. I don't know what's wrong with me. I did drink too much on Super Bowl Sunday and was hungover Monday, but I shouldn't be feeling like crap still. And the way I felt Monday wasn't normal either. Pat decided we should get a pregnancy test. We aren't trying to have a baby and it would be very unlikely that I could have even gotten pregnant. But I just feel weird, too weird. And it could explain it. Mom agrees. 

This would not be good timing for a baby, though. Not at ALL. And Pat will be veryyyyy upset. Mad, even. We just couldn't do it. And I know he firmly believes that if he dies in Afghan, then a baby would be a burden for me. And he refuses to get me pregnant and then die. Which is absolutely ridiculous. A baby would help me cope with his death if that happened and then I would have a piece of Pat with me always. He doesn't see it that way and we argue about it all the time. I've talked to other Marine wives and their husband's have the same messed up concept. Guys are dumb. 

My head feels like it's just going to roll off of my shoulders. I feel so lazy. I don't want to move. I don't want to leave the house. I lose weight when I drink then two days later I've gained 4 pounds and I barely ate anything! I've been working out and not losing weight. Adjusted my eating habits, yes some days I fail. Headaches constantly. Not consistent bowel movements, chest pain above my breasts, cramps when I'm no where near my period. I should go to the doctor but I'll be leaving after Pat does, to go home and get my name changed [FINALLY] and that's soon.

Maybe when I get back. But I know I'm just going to wait it out and let my body do it's thing.

blah.

Day 41 [Sunday Funday.. not.]

Well, no letter yesterday. With today(Sunday) that makes 5 in a row. Mrs. Carey hasn't received anything since Father's Day. Which she should have at least received a letter or two. I've heard they were on bed rest at the beginning of the week. And there's a possibility Pat decided to or was mandated to go to medical to get better. I just find it hard to believe since Thursday before the 4th of July, he didn't write one letter. The last  letter I go was from Wednesday the 30th and it came on Tuesday of last week. With all the free time on Sunday the 4th and apparently more free time on Monday because of the 4th and bed rest, I'm sure Pat would have written at least one letter. At least. I hope he's okay. Mrs. Carey hasn't received a call but it's still nerve racking not knowing. Maybe tomorrow I will have letters in the mail box. One of the Mom's got 5 letters yesterday. I understand the mail is very messed up I just don't understand how one could arrive last Tuesday and then nothing? On Sunday's he always writes and I should have gotten that letter(because of the holiday) Friday, at the latest Saturday?? I really believe the Ohio mail system is faulty. Mail is always missing or arriving late. Being sent out late. It's horrible. And now it comes whenever it wants. Unlike years ago when it was literally the same time every day. For years. So how can I not believe mail is constantly getting lost or ruined when it's in transit.


Today is day 8 of 8 at work! Then I'm off for 3. I really don't want to work. I'm just tired and exhausted. And I don't feel good this morning. 


Amanda and I are going to get coffee before I go to work so I should probably go get some things done =) peace.


i♥pc