Baby Fever

It comes and it goes, but tonight it's bad. I want to start a family. But then again, I think maybe I don't. It is so frustrating. I don't know what the 'right' choice is, is there a 'right' choice? Does Pat ever want kids? I'm beginning to think he doesn't and maybe that's why it bothers me so much. What if he never wants to? Can I live without never having a family? That's how I feel. We're not a family if we don't have a child. And then if he just gives in, will it still turn out to be the perfect life I've always dreamt of? I don't know what the next step actually is, but I feel like something iscoming or something needs to be done. I'm anticipating something but I don't know what it is. I hate this feeling. And I feel like Pat's holding something back but I don't know what it is, if anything. I wish I could read his mind. Seriously.

Day 81 [Crucible is almost over!]

6 more hours and my love will be a United States Marine!!!!!! I can't believe it, I thought this day would never come! And I definitely thought I'd never make it to this day!!! I would like to thank the best family and close friends in the universe for my strength and also all the new friends I have met along the way!!!! All the ladies of Hotel Company and a few USMC gals I have also met! I couldn't do it without you guys. I really thought I wouldn't be able to. It feels good to know as sad as I was when Pat first left, I was able to overcome that and it got better as the days went by! I love you all!

And I especially love Patrick Carey!! I can't live without you and I don't even want to fathom what it would be like if I didn't have you in my life! You deserve this babe and you will make a fine Marine :) I'm so excited to be your wife and spend the rest of my life with you. I can't wait to see you. 4 more days babe. I love you truly. ♥

Semper Fi
[Ooh-Rah]
My ♥ belongs to a United States Marine

Day 45 [I stand by my Man]

It's Thursday and I got Sunday's letter today!!! =)=) They just keep getting better and better! And he had two of my questionnaires that he sent back, which was nice. I know what size he wears so I can look into shirts for him. He said Large, but then said maybe M... We'll stick with large. I hope he's not a medium, that might be too thin for me. I like my guy buff =) I think this is one of the best letters yet. Just reading it you can see the love and emotion pouring out of it. It makes me feel really good inside. And makes me think "Ya, that's my guy" ::Sigh:: I can't wait till he gets home. I think it might be bad though! How am I going to go to work and not just want to quit and walk out and go be with him?! Or how am I really going to want to do anything or see anyone else besides, Pat?! I feel it already... we're like magnets already pulling ourselves together and once we finally are, nobody's going to be able to pull us apart!! I'm so excited for our future. There's so much we're going to do and all this stuff he has planned. I finally feel like my life is on track. Or at least I know that I have things I have to prepare for and look forward to. Before I didn't know. I couldn't tell you what my life would be like 6 months down the road. But I feel better now =) It's a great feeling and even better knowing I'll be spending it with him♥

I'm a busy little lady =) Gots things to do!

xoxo

i♥PC

Don't forget me when I'm gone

I saw a funeral procession today. I always get sad when I see them or if I pass a funeral home and there's a funeral going on right then. Then it makes me think, who would really show up at mine? Or how many cars would actually follow me to the cemetary?

I would want my friends and family to celebrate my life, not mourn my death. I think I would leave in my will directions and money for them to have a party and have a good time remembering me. I don't want them to be sad that I'm gone, but to be happy I was here and happy they got to share my life with me. And I do belive death isn't the end. I don't know what's out there for us or our souls but I think it a beginning to something new.


-- via the iTouch!

kick start!

Mom got me a gym membership at Astre today for my birthday! Very excited. Its perfect! They have two pools, a whirl pool, weight room, free weights, classes, ellipticals, steppers, bikes, and so much more! We went today and did an hour. Its great to have help from my mom. She's very motivating and I know she'll go every day with me! And of course I'll go myself. I need to get in shape! I think I've let it go long enough and I don't want health problems. (And I'm still contemplating the Marines... or maybe the Navy.) I don't know yet. I just want out of OHIO. =)

My 22nd birthday weekend was AWESOME! Too much drinking though. (Gotta work double time at the gym!) We had a bonfire the family dinner Wednesday (before Dad left) at the Ice House... 40 cent wings! Friday, bonfire at the house with Ash, Jay, Pat, Andre, Mel, and Mom. Saturday, Twilight afternoon with Mel! and then to Relic's show at the Cellar with Wendy, Mike, Mel, Pat, Mom, Amanda, and her sister Rachel. Then Sunday we had the cookout at the house. Mel and Mike brought Sebastian! And they got me a cake =) My 22nd years have been up and down, sad and happy, brutal at times... but there are so many memories. We reminisced at the bonfire it was really entertaining! Hopefully there will be tons more, with old and new friends and family!

I also had my doctor appointment this morning. My surgery is the 18th of May. Crossing out fingers that its benign, not a tumor and just a sebaceous cyst! There's a small chance it could be bad... and when you push on it it feels like it runs down into my back which could be a tumor and not a cyst. I'll take it as it comes, though. No worries!!

Watching Intervention and gotta take a shower! Work in the AM!
Love all!

bad habit :: happy 4.20 :P

I finished the fourth Twilight book, Breaking Dawn! It was good. (I still think S.Meyer isn't a passionate writer and lost the love story part after the first book) But it was good and of course I was happy it ended happily! I have to get started on getting things together for the Book Club! (; I need a list of some books and ideas of how to go about this. Lindy and some others are getting lists together too! Its gonna be fun.

Interventions on tonight! Half hour to the best tv show ever starts! I'm excited its the first Monday in a while that I will be able to watch my show with out being late or being interrupted or any of that!

Mom's moving back in this week and Pat and I get to move to the apartment! SO EXCITED! I can't wait! Its hard going 19 years living with your parents, then one year moving into an apartment and then the next moving into a house!!... and then HAVING TO MOVE BACK IN WITH YOUR PARENTS! Its been good, don't get me wrong. Saved money, had fun with my dad, ate better... but I'll live on my own any day. (In fact, don't tell Pat, but if half the year I could leave and go live completely by myself, on an island in the middle of no where... I totally would. People piss me off.)

=)
Oh, wouldn't it be cool to say you were a groupie for 8 Solid Inches!!!! HAHAHAH.
Guess you had to be there!!

Love you all!

((Remember my birthday's this Friday =)!!))

loving life. <3

I might have had that vision. The one that tells you everything is going to be okay. That everything is turning for the better. I think this year might actually be a good one! Last year was bad. The year before that, almost worse. But I think this summer might actually be, well, awesome! Things have changed. My life seems brighter! I haven't felt this way in a long time. Like nothing is truly wrong. Everything if falling into place. A stress has been lifted from my shoulders. Maybe I'll finally be able to calm down and live life slowly. I still know things are going to go wrong, things will still change. But I think for once in a long, long time, there might actually be more good than bad! Its usually the other way around. A few good sprinkled on a LOT of bad. I'll take it as it comes, and I thank whatever divine being granted me this!

P.S. I started reading a new book. Its AWESOME. Title: Acheron Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon -- Definitely up there with The Quest and those types of adventure books. A must read!

So you came to the master for guidance?

Guess what I got in the mail today! The first season of the Office! I'm watching it right now! So funny!

Tonight's family night with the Buxton's! I think were going to dinner and then to the bar to party! Can't wait! I love my Aunt Chrissy and Uncle Rick! They're awesome. They live in Florida now so I never get to see them. I always want to go visit them, but making a trip all the way to Florida is a little expensive. One day I will. And I'll probably stay in Florida when that happens.

I guess I should be getting ready. I'm so exhausted though. Completely wiped out and I have to work tomorrow! =( Sucky. I don't know what to wear tonight. Blah. I have to go clothing shopping.

I ♥ THE OFFICE!

My Little Sister's A Big Girl Now!

Ashley graduated last weekend from high school! She makes me feel old now! I was thinking, my chapter of high school is officially over now, but I remembered Stephen still has one more year. And after his graduation, I'll never be at Canfield High School again! Unless, I stay here and have my own kids. But he'll be my last connection to that school and those people. Its kind of scary when you think about it. I always thought after I had graduated that was the end, but it wasn't. I always had a reason to stay connected and return. But now I really don't. And next year will be final.
I thought mom and I would be more emotional, but we weren't. It was too hot out to be emotional. I did cry when they announced Ashley's name for a $1000 scholarship, she didn't know she was receiving. I was so happy for her! It was given to her without her knowloedge by a doctor for Education. She said she wasn't sure if they actually called her name and hesitated to get up, when it happened!

We celebrated with drinks when we got back to the house. Then we went to dinner at Nicolinni's with YiaYia and Aunt Phil. It was a nice time. Too much family time together though. By the end of the night, I think we were all glad it was over.

Although she's probably heard this enough times already, Ashley I'm really proud of you and I hope you the best in your college years. If you haven't learned anything from me, then I haven't done my job as your older sister! I hope you succeed and try your best in everything you do, learn from my mistakes. Love you so much!

Family Love

I love my family. They're amusing. We're supposed to be going to the Flea market. Dad's cooking out today so were going to get some veggies and stuff. As well as support our local farmers [: Well. Mom and Ash might go to war and its quite funny to watch. And listen to what they saying to eachother. Ashley just knows exactly what to do to PISS mom off. And what makes it worse is Pat's here, so... he'll feel the wrath from both of them! We all take our anger out on Pat. Its easy.

We'll see how the ride there goes, and I'm sure they will still be going at it when we get to the market.

Its going to be a fun day :o)