June 4, 2010
Day 4/88 [feeling sick]
Earlier I had it bad. I couldn't stop crying. I slept with the stuffed dog Pat gave me for Valentine's Day, all night and had it next to me all morning. I knew this would be hard, but I didn't think it would be this hard. And what if he isn't missing me as much? I had to write him a short note. I stuck it with the other letter. I just needed him to know how much I miss him. And then it make me think after boot camp, he leaves again. I don't want him to leave. I want to be with him. I hate this. And even worse I work again today. The last thing I want to do. No offense to them, but I don't want to be around them. I want to be alone. I think I'm going to go to the Y on Saturday after mom and Ash leave(they're going to Florida). Maybe I'll go for a walk on Sat. too. I don't know. I have to get ready for work. :(
June 3, 2010
Day 3. This is hard.
I think its hard because I know I have to wait so long to hear from him. And its driving me nuts. I just want to know how he's doing okay and that he's hanging in there and doing his best. Its frustrating. Every time I hear a car with a loud exhaust drive by, I think its him coming to pick me up - Even though his truck is sitting in the driveway :( I want summer to go so fast. And you would think this wouldn't be so hard. With my dad traveling since before I was born and Pat traveled with him two years ago too. And Pat was even gone for almost as long twice! But I think it is, because I have to wait to talk to him and I know he's going through hell. In his last voice message he told me to wait for him and that he was doing this for us. That it was the beginning of our lives. I just want him here with me. -- I never dream about Pat, but I started to last night. Nonsense dreams. We were goofing around before something like a basketball game or something weird, some weird place. I don't think it means anything. I think my mind was just trying to visualize him for me. Maybe I'll dream about him more. ♥
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