Day 9 of 12 weeks left.

I went to the Y today. Did a really good work out and sat in the sauna. I felt good. Going to the Y makes me feel good and although it reminds me of all the times Pat and I would go, it doesn't make it bad. Mrs. C gave me Pat's address so I sent my letters. And I sent one today and I have one to send tomorrow. I can't wait to get the first one from him! I had a really good talk with my sister last night too. It was a talk I needed. I just need to stop letting my mind run wild and thinking all these bad things. And she says "let's just get him through boot camp". Lol... my little sister bringing me back down to earth! I need to stop thinking so far ahead and worrying about things that I probably won't even have to worry about. I guess I over analyze everything.

My friend had an extra ticket to see Snoop Dogg at Gossip this Friday. Gossip's the new "hot" night club 5 minutes down the road. I haven't been there yet, and I'm not sure if I will ever. But I couldn't go with her anyway, I work till midnight. Gossip's had some really good concerts since it opened(last year I think) but I'm not in the mood for that scene. Yea I want to drink, heavily. But I know I shouldn't. I want to lose weight while Pat's gone, not gain twice the amount! Plus clubs are never as much fun if your sober as they are when your drunk.

To tell you the truth, I don't feel like drinking at all. And I know Pat will find that surprising and probably think I'm lying. But I think the only reason I wanted to so much before he left was because its an escape and I was stressed. Obviously I eat when I'm stressed, but I also drink. Or want to. I don't care what Ash and Jay say, I still in all those months only drank maybe TWICE a month! And Its not my fault one beer gets me drunk... I'm pretty sure- 99% sure, I have a kidney problem and/or diabetes. I just can't afford to go to the Docs :( And I've been smoke free for over 120 days!! :) I'm fighting this really bad urge to smoke though. I've dreampt about it and its really really bad... I don't know why ??? Maybe I'll get a Black and Mild and see if that curbs it.

Well I'm rambling, just wasting time I guess.
I miss Pat :(

♥Jessi