September 20, 2008

Bonfire :: Good Times!

Tonight were having a bonfire! :) Wendy's hosting it at her house and we invited a bunch of people from work. I'm excited cuz I know its not going to be stupid. Like they usually are. This is actually semi planned out. I'm so tired of making plans with other people and they constantly fall threw -or- they screw the plans up(usually on purpose). I'm tired of having our nights cut short and in control by someone else. Yea, I am talking about someone specific. But it always happens that way. Its always half-assed plans and rushed. Its never fun and its always cut off/ended when "they" want it to be. 'They're' really inconsiderate to other people and they're plans... You can't always do what you want and you sure as hell can't always make other people do what you want! So I'm done with them controlling everything. Its time I put my foot down and took control. I always let everyone make my decisions for me and walk all over me. But not anymore. I'm going to do what I WANT, WHEN I want, and HOW I want :) Cuz there's a ton of shit I want to do BUT NEVER GET TO DO! CUZ I'm ALWAYS DOING WHAT EVERYONE ELSE WANTS TO DO!

That felt good.

peace out.
I'm sure I'll have picks from the fire.

September 14, 2008


things are starting to work out, slightly.
i still don't feel compfortable
i still don't feel like i have a 'home'
but i guess its getting better...

no i lied
shit's still fucked up.

its just changing.
and i don't like change
i don't know what to expect next
i don't know what next month will be like

sometimes i feel like im floating
like nothing's real
nothing that happened today actually happened...

im just goin through the motions

September 6, 2008

"I like it when he pinch me, so I know I'm not dreamin"

Check Out: Ms. Williams Ms. Williams Music
Her musics and voice are fresh and real. Lovin the remix with R Kelly.

It feels like a perfect October day out today. Its a little chilly for September but feels so nice. I'm more excited for fall then I thought I would be. I dunno why but now I don't care how cold it gets I just want summer to be GONE. Summer was so complicated and a bunch of bullshit. I know the rest of the year is going to be just like this but for some reason I feel a little better now that summer's over. This year has really been bad. Hopefully, soon, all the shit will die down and I could start living my own life, but I doubt it. My life's taking a drastic change and its out of my hands and I'm getting fucked left and right. Its getting pretty bad and there's not much I can do but wait and ride it out. Eventually things will be back to normal, or as normal as they're going to get. I don't know, I just wished all I had to worry about was cooties and boo-boo's again.

Amanda's dying my hair tonight. Its just cheaper if she does it and I want to pay my bills. I don't need to waste $80 when Amanda can do it for $15. I was her model today at school. She got a 100% on the straight cut. Tonight she's going to shape it for me though (I look bad with a straight cut).

September 1, 2008

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine.”

Sometimes the closest people to me, seem to make me the angriest. Or irritate me the worst. Or make me want to shoot them! I don't get it. Is it because they know what buttons set me off? Or they think they can get away with it because they're so close to me? Its so frustrating when someone who KNOWS BETTER does the worst! I feel like I'm on my god damn period 24/7! I go to bed pissed off and wake up pissed off and I think it is because of the people I'm surrounded by!! Every little thing sets me off. I know its not intentional but I swear they do it on purpose sometimes.

"Arguing with a fool proves there are two."
Doris M. Smith

Do you ever feel like you're not doing anything. Like you're just going minute by minute, nothing really feels real. Nothing feels right, but it doesn't feel wrong? Or you feel like you're not doing anything you should be? I hate that feeling. And I don't know how to change it. It keeps coming back every time I think its finally gone. I just want to be okay for a while. I can deal with it, if I just get a break from it. Like if something just fixes it. Just for a while. I don't want to feel like this anymore.